Effective Communication with Teenagers: Understanding Changes and Conflict Resolution

2. Aims • Consider the importance of parent child communication and how this changes in adolescence. • Explore some of the research in the area of adolescent-parent communication. • Opportunity to develop and practise communication skills. • Q&A - Teenagers

3. How do we connect? Discuss in small groups: • In what ways has communication changed from when your child was younger to adolescence? (e.g. who initiates conversations, when do they happen and how do they feel?)

4. Business Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nem0bkErGVY

5. Styles of communicating

6. Social Talk Discuss in small groups: When are good times and not so good times for social talk?

7. Opportunities for Social Talk • Not asking questions the minute they walk through the door • During journeys • During family meals • Whenever your teenager starts a conversation (may be late at night) • Create opportunities by arranging some time together or asking them to help with a task.

8. Communicating with teenagers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y63jXn6efDI

9. Definition of conflict Conflict can arise whenever there are disagreements over: • views • values or actions • interests or needs not being met. Conflict can also be an opportunity for change. www.scottishconflictresolution.org.uk

10. Conflict Discuss in small groups: • What causes conflicts between parents and teenagers? • How can such conflicts benefit the teenager?

11. Why conflict can be good! Conflict plays a useful role in managing family relationships and expectations and developing skills by: • Increasing the understanding of where a young person’s and parental boundaries lie. • Providing opportunities for negotiation and agreement of rules and boundaries. • Parents role modelling conflict management and resolution. • Enhancing development of social, emotional and thinking skills

12. Conflict – an example Kerry and Sam https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLxCW772Iog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z62SG1eSsmM

13. Where to go for help • Pastoral teacher (teens) • Kidsinthehouse.com (videos also on Youtube) • The Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution • Online guidance • Mediation www.scottishconflictresolution.org.uk

14. ‘No’ Talk: The language of strop! [Casey 2010] • Stomping around • Slamming doors • Muttering under breath • Being sullen and quiet Potential ways a teenager may communicate that they want your time and attention! Discuss: How do you deal with the strop??

15. Dealing with the language of strop • Stay calm and breathe – take a moment • Let them know you have noticed they are upset and that you are available to listen • Take a detective rather than a policeman approach • Look for a change in the behaviour • Approach, ask and actively listen • Address the behaviour.

16. Dealing with strops https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEapStrjq4M

17. Activity: Active Listening Think of a memory from when your teenager was a child (one you are happy to share). In pairs: • share this memory for two minutes • your partner is to listen, but say nothing! • after two minutes, the listener reflects back what he/she heard.

18. Helpful techniques for active listening • Reflecting back or paraphrasing • Naming and validating their feelings • Using open questions • Allowing for pauses • Taking time!

19. Try to avoid • Denying the feeling • Moralising • Giving advice • Solving the problem. Reproduced from Casey (2010) with kind permission

20. And finally... “You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going.” Unknown

21. Teenage Q&A

22. Next WEEK

23. Any questions or comments please email: terry.mccolm@glow.sch.uk