There’s got to be a better way: Discipline that works

There’s got to be a better way: Discipline that works

Who is Becky Bailey? • Author • There’s Got to be a better way: Discipline that Works • Internationally recognized in: • Developmental Psychology • Childhood Education • Founder of Loving Guidance, Inc. and Conscious Discipline Program • Raised over $ 2 million dollars for children

There’s Got to be a Better Way: Discipline that Works • In-depth investigation of understanding children • Quizzes to see where each person is at as a teacher and/or as a parent • Encourages you to be very reflective • Take the ideas slowly • Chapter at a time • Each chapter builds on each other • Can be used in conjunction with other texts of hers • Used here in conjunction with PALS, Oh Say What You See

What is Oh Say What They See? • Language Building Technique • Used in all five of the classrooms • Each age group and ability level uses it differently • Parallel Talk-Child Centered • Explaining what the child is hearing, seeing, doing • Tracking Statements • Descriptive • Phrases about materials the child interacts with or sees • Expansion • Adding to the child’s language • Expansion Plus • Adding several more words to the previous expansion

What is PALS? • Playing and Learning to Succeed • A three step process to deal with behaviors • A way to support the child in an appropriate manner and teach the child at the same time • Can be used at any age • Used in all five classrooms • Begin with tracking statement • You are screaming. • You see the snow. • Say what you see in a short statement • What we have noticed

Emotional Intelligence • Emotion Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to be emotional self-aware, control impulses, delay gratification, read social-emotional cues, show empathy, and to know the difference between feelings and actions • Believe to be hard-wired in brain between the ages of birth to eight years old • Most connections are solidified by the eight year old point • THIS TIME IS CRITICAL! • Development occurs through developmentally appropriate adult-child interactions • Powerful interactions are defined as those in which you connect with the child while at the same time saying or doing something to guide the child’s learning in a small step forward.

Guidelines and Rules • Boundaries are imperative • Need to know what is expected of them • Expectations must be realistic • As children mature, the more structure they need • Encourage children to help with rules • Rules need to be developmentally appropriate • Example of rules • When something happens, use it as an opportunity to teach • Set guidelines early

Structure • State clearly what goals are • Anticipate potential problems • Regain control of their body and yours • Safe Place Techniques • Environmental Solutions • Warnings • Observe the child • Expect child to be successful • Learned helplessness

Routines • Developing a routine/schedule • Arrival routines • Management routines • Hygiene • Lunch • Make sure everyone follows the same procedures • The child is aware and/or helps create the routine • Warnings are given • The routine can be role played • Changes in routines are discussed

Limits • Assure the physical and emotional security • Empower children • Help make a cooperative classroom or home • Encourage the development of decision making, self control, and responsibility • Provide consistency • Helps the teacher grow

When a behavior occurs… • Redirect child • Use a tracking statement • Engage the child in something they are interested them • Offer them another part to their play • Observe and take note for another time • Give the children tools during the situation • You look so angry I can tell… • Remember last time • Offer two choices

Think before we talk • Think about what you want to say before you say it • Does it normally get the result you want? • If so, how can you transfer that to times where it does not go so well? • If not, what happened? • How could you have done it differently next time? • What result did you want and could you work backwards? • What does what you said say to the child? • What do you really want to say to the child? • Remind children about past experiences in a thoughtful way • Last time, you were sad when that happened • You didn’t have enough time • Tell them what their body is doing

Steps to Success… • Acknowledge the child’s feelings, wishes, wants • Understand their emotion and keep it in the moment • Have the child part of the solution • Feelings should be reflected • Limits must be specifc • Commands give children no usable information • Target acceptable behavior • Use the term ACT • Acknowledge • Communicate • Target acceptable vehaviors • State the final choice • Offer them a safe place • Natural consequences

Beliefs that structure the environment • Important to know your belief system • Poisonous Pedagogy • The study of teaching • Children are considered “good” when they think behave the way they are told to behave • Necessary to talk about your feelings • Important to give labels • PALS • Books about feelings • Okay to feel what you feel • It’s important to develop a sense of balance • It‘s okay to make mistakes!

Power • Find out each persons power in your family or classroom • Begin to notice trends in: • Disabilities • Younger and older • Children with siblings • Study of the children • “The structure we provided children will ultimately shape the lens by which they see the world.”

Power Over • Need to control • Sense of self depends on power • “bossy” • Fearful world • Control • For needs to get met, power over seek out power under and vice versa • Punitive guidance • Punishment is relied upon • Primary goal is obedience

Power Under • Need to help others • Sense of self depends on others • “follower” • Fearful world • Permissive guidance • Children are allowed to: • Terrorize • Exploit • Deprive • Parents feel guilty • Rules apply to others not them • Structure is seen as a threat

Personal Power • Believe the world is a safe comfortable place • Able to interact easily • Strong sense of identity • Comfortable and self-confident in situations • For infants, they exhibit their personal power when their needs are met when they cry and are responded to based on that cry • Belief is their needs are met • Responsibility in the guidance system • Sees basic worth for each individual

Development of Misbehavior: Infancy • Cry an act of survival • Begin to bond emotional • Imitate • Respond to faces

Development of Misbehavior: Toddler • Huge cognitive leaps • Acts on impulse • Egocentric • Developing Autonomy • Emotional bursts of power struggles • Validate children’s feelings • Help children manage during this time by: • Redirection • Sharing consequences to actions • Offering choices • Changing the routine

Development of Misbehavior: Preschool and Primary • Able to use more language • Have a longer attention span • Begin to understand natural consequences • Experience one emotion at a time • Beginning to strive for consistent personal power • Aware of relationships • Begins to gain perspective of others

Did you know? Punishment Natural and Logical Consequences • Many people believe that by getting children to feel bad they will act well. • Sends the message that this behavior is acceptable only when authority is around • Children regulate their own behavior • Learning their outcome of their own choices • Choices are powerful!!

Role of teacher in Natural Consequences • Allow the child to experiences the consequences of the child’s choices • Provide information • Offer words for feelings • Read books for feelings • Talk about the situation • Offers empathy if needed • Takes notes (mental or written) about the situation • Must understand to learn from it • Tone of voice is respective • “To learn from a mistake we must accept them without blame”

Choices • Help children focus • Same outcome/end result but offer choices to that outcome • Using choices as a guidance tool • Provides children with practice of making decisions • The children are able to assert themselves • Model making mistakes • Offer small choices as children are learning • With developmental delays, you may need to show the object • Return later when child is calm

There’s got to be a better way: Discipline that works