Biblical Sexuality Defined

1. The Business of Being Born Bill Cosby – Record (Genesis) and Natural Child Birth Biblical Sexuality Defined

2. A description of our times 2 Timothy 3 Godlessness in the Last Days But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. Having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

3. EPIC FAIL • A survey of 10 000 Evangelical, Church-going, conservative men and 10 000 women (of the same qualification) found the following when the participants were asked to “identify the primary sin in their life”: • The women were all over the map without identifiable pattern. • The men had not a single deviation – they all said LUST!!!

4. WOMEN WHAT DRIVES US? MEN Driven by their physical desires crave physical intimacy stimulated by what they see give love to get sex body can disconnect from mind, heart, and spirit • driven by their emotional desires • crave emotional intimacy • stimulated by what they hear and feel • give sex to get love • body, mind, heart and spirit intricately connected

5. Myths How I dress is my business. (Guys are visually stimulated! But you don’t have to dress like grandma!) All flirting is o.k. (Choose words carefully, the tongue is a flame!) (Matt.12:34-37, Eph 5:3-4, Jam 3:3-6) I need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to feel like “somebody” (Only God can complete us) Guys want the same thing from dating that girls want. (Guys give love to get sex and girls give sex to get love). I can change him with love. (Only God can, but you can pray) I feel so sexually tempted, so why bother resisting? (We CAN resist temptation!) There’s no one who understands my struggles. (Temptations are common, but God has provided a way out)

6. Ephesians 4:14-16 (NIV) • 14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

7. Why it matters – marriage, family, and the role of fathers in society. • Mother and Father attend church regularly: • 33% of their children will end up attending church regularly • 25% of their children will end up not attending at all • Mother attends church regularly. Father does not attend church at all: • 2% of their children will end up attending church regularly • 60% of their children will end up not attending at all

8. Father attends church regularly. Mother does not attend church at all: • 44% of their children will end up attending church regularly • 34% of their children will end up not attending at all • If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow. • If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

9. Just One Among Many – A 2011 Study on Fathers and Daughters • “It turned out that it didn’t matter that much how long each daughter lived with her father, but rather what he did when he was there,” said Ellis. • Comparing sisters in the same family, the study showed that living for longer periods of time with a dad who provided high-quality fathering reduced risky sexual behavior. • More time with a dad who provided low-quality fathering actually increased risky sexual behavior.

10. By the Numbers – 2011 Census • 42.3%Number of people aged 20 to 29 who live with their parents. • Three out of 10Number of babies born to mothers who are not legally married, compared to two out of 10 in 1991 • 1.9 The average number of children per family (fell from 2.7 in 1961) • 39.4% The number of couples with children, as opposed to the 44.5% without (non-child bearing age is the remainder). • 19.3 % Of all children in private households – lived with lone parents in 2011, up from 18 per cent a decade earlier

11. Why Should I Marry? 1 Corinthians 7 • Now I want to deal with the things you wrote me about. • Some of you say, “It is good for a man not to have sex with a woman.” 2 But since there is so much sexual sin, each man should have his own wife. And each woman should have her own husband. 3 A husband should satisfy his wife’s sexual needs. And a wife should satisfy her husband’s sexual needs. • 4 The wife’s body does not belong only to her. It also belongs to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong only to him. It also belongs to his wife. 5 You shouldn’t stop giving yourselves to each other except when you both agree to do so. And that should be only to give yourselves time to pray for a while. Then you should come together again. In that way, Satan will not tempt you when you can’t control yourselves.

12. 6 I say those things to you as my advice, not as a command. 7 I wish all of you were like me. But you each have your own gift from God. One has this gift. Another has that. • 8 I speak to those who are not married. I also speak to widows. It is good for you to stay single like me. 9But if you can’t control yourselves, you should get married. It is better to get married than to burn with sexual longing. • 10 I give a command to those who are married. It is a direct command from the Lord, not from me. A wife must not leave her husband. 11 But if she does, she must not get married again. Or she can go back to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

13. What do I do if I lust and am not married? • Option 1: Self-gratification • “You have to masturbate/everyone does it” - LIES • Matthew 18 • 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell

14. Option 2: Fornication • Hosea 4 - Israel as a prostitute (better than a harlot who gives it away for free) • To even look at a woman with lust is sin never mind engage directly in the act outside of marriage • Matthew 5:27-29 • 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks lat a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. • You should also note that even inside of marriage lust can be problematic (marriage is not a silver bullet)

15. Option 3: “Alternate” Fornication/Pornography • See Option 1&2 • 1 John 2:16 • 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. • Matthew 1:18-25 – Joseph did what was right because he had been told, not because of how he felt • Masturbation increases the chance you will become impotent, pornography enhances this likelihood, and both will reduce the chance that you will enjoy sex with your future wife.

16. Option 4: Celibacy with lust chasing you • 1 Corinthians 6:17-19 • 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; • Learn to say NO to your emotional and biological impulses when awake • Deuteronomy 23:9-11 • 9 When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure. 10 If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. 11 But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.

17. Am I Mr. Right? • Christ-like character • Strong family background • Financial responsibility • Vision for future • Physical “attractiveness” • Avoid the lie of the “soul-mate” • Remember that no one was ever commanded to marry a specific individual in the Bible – the closest is the prayer of a servant to have God send a woman for his master’s son (Isaac). • Proverbs 18:22 • He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.

18. Is She Mrs. Right? relationship with Jesus Christ take care of herself and has a positive self image. a positive outlook on life exercise self control around other guys careful with money good relationships with family and friends nurturing and would make a good mother someday... will support and encourage you in what you do has her own dreams and goals adventurous and can enjoy some of his hobbies

19. Covenant Love • The Bible teaches that the God-given context for sex is in a covenant relationship between one man and one woman. In the New Testament, God calls both men and women to serve each other in the act of sex (1 Cor.7:1- 7). • Husbands are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. They are to love them as Jesus loves the church, which at its heart is putting the interests of the wife before their own. Wives are to submit to their husbands, which isanother way of putting the interests of the husbands before their own (Eph 5: 22-33) • 1 Peter 3:7 • 7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with your wives with understanding, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.

20. Communication with the Fairer Sex • A tale of two brains . . . boxes vs. balls of twine • Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house with a contentious woman.

21. Passionate Communication • Song of Solomon 4 – passionate expressions of love and compliments are part of the deal EVERY DAY! • Almost all of the “unanswerable questions” she will ask you have to do with her need for emotional security and her need to be reassured that she is the only one for you. • EX: She is not asking whether she looks OK to be seen in public, she is seeking reassurance that you only have eyes for her. • For women the problem is not the problem, the problem is how it made them feel (which they are often still working out). When you try to solve the problem you are saying that they are: 1)too stupid to think of solutions on their own, and 2) you don’t care how they feel.

22. Biblical Sexuality The Bible teaches that all good things come from God (James 1:17). It also teaches that our God is the initiator and sustainer of relationship. He created our capacity for and experience of pleasure. He is a God of pleasure who offers it to his faithful servants for all eternity (Ps 16:11).

23. True Intimacy Sex involves a level of intimacy between people unparalleled in human experience. Though some have come to believe the sole purpose of sex is procreation, our pleasure loving, intimacy building God, is interested in more than that. Sex is more than physical sensation. It holds the potential for two people to achieve a level of connectedness that the Bible describes as oneness. This is why you must protect your eyes and flee from sexual sin. You will be bound by your first experience for the rest of your life. That Eve came from Adam and a sexual union in a mysterious way reaffirms the foundational mystical connection between man and woman (Gen 2:24).

24. Matthew 19:5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will becomeone flesh' ? Mark 10:8and the two will becomeone flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. 1 Corinthians 6:16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will becomeone flesh." Ephesians 5:31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will becomeone flesh."

25. Life and Life abundantly According to the Bible, sex is presented as a venue for pleasure, intimacy and service unmatched in Creation. A married man and woman have access to each other’s bodies and to each other’s souls through sex, which has the potential of teaching them how to care spectacular way. They also have a way of giving each other pleasure which no other act can duplicate. Sex is understood as a good gift from God which has, as an end, the strengthening of relationship and production of life both physical and spiritual.

26. What is it to be a Married Man? 1 Corinthians 13 1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

27. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

28. Sexual Sin Like all other human activities, though, sex has been bent away from an orientation to God and even others, to an orientation to self (Rom 1:18-32).This twisting leads to all manner of sexual activity that violates the purposes of the act. In Scripture, sex outside of marriage is condemned (Rev. 22:15). People should not give that part of themselves to anyone unless they have a lifelong relationship.

29. The Word also classifies sex with members of the same sex and sex with animals as being an abomination to God (Romans 1). These acts violate the created order and also undermine the relationship building life giving purpose of this act. They reflect a self—satisfying disposition which breaks the giving of one to another which sex is intended to be. Homophobia is also a sin though, as it is a form of hatred and judgment towards your neighbor – love the sinner, hate the sin. (Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.)

30. The Real Battle Ground Though sex is an obvious physical behavior, it is governed by thought. Adultery in Scripture is defined more broadly than an act; it is also the intent of the heart. Jesus declares that if a man looks at a woman specifically to objectify her for his sexual pleasure, he is guilty of a violation of God’s law against adultery. (Matt. 5:27-28) The real battle for a man’s soul occurs in his mind. Those who have experienced premarital sex can testify that it doesn’t satisfy a woman’s innermost desire for love, intimacy, and security. Only sex by God’s design with a loving, faithful, committed marriage partner can do that.

31. Selfish, Selfish, Selfish People separated from God are self—focused at their core. As a result the main factor that will keep unregenerate men and woman from acting on their selfish impulses is lack of opportunity. This may result due to an absence of willing partners or social censure so strong that only the boldest or most sexually driven would dare violate social norms in pursuit of fulfilling their desire.

32. As soon as opportunity presents itself and social mores changes to legitimize previously considered aberrant sexual acts, more and more people will seek sexual fulfillment in ways restricted by the expressed will of God. The Bible teaches that an act of judgment on God’s part is to loosen restraint on human behavior and allow people to follow their self—centered desires to their logical ends (Rom 1). The end of sin is defined in the book of James as death (James 1: 13-15).

33. Slaves to Sin Because man is bound to sin, he cannot free himself from its grip. This is not to say that man cannot change his behavior. There are numerous examples of people who have come to recognize harmful behavioral patterns in their lives and who have overcome them through effort and self-will. There are people who were unfaithful partners, for example, who turned away from their behavior and returned to their husbands or wives, recommitting to fidelity in the relationship.

34. Behaviors can be changed, but the basic orientation of their lives cannot. Apart from the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit (John 3:4-15), people continue to serve themselves and this is the root problem out of which all others spring. This core self centeredness is the place from which all God ring sexual thinking and acting arises.

35. Delayed Marriage Results • In a representative study of young adults in 2010 (USA), just under 80 % of unmarried, church- going, conservative Protestants who are currently dating someone are having sex of some sort. • For everyone else it was 90%

36. Biology, Family and Marriage • You are wonderfully designed to marry a virgin, as a virgin – experience is the enemy: • If you last too long you hurt her, if she has experience she will need you to last in order for her to get to climax. • Run the scenario: would you rather have everyone relieved that you finally got married and did the right thing OR would you rather have your new father-in-law celebrate your marriage and toasting to your intimate bonding with his daughter (and by paying for the post-wedding hotel suite as mine did)?

37. What if I wait to have kids? • By 30 years old a woman has expended 88% of her available eggs • Women aged 35 are six times more likely to have problems conceiving compared to those ten years younger • By the age of 40, a woman is more likely to have a miscarriage than give birth • Fertility treatment has a 3 per cent success rate for women over the age of 44

38. Men’s fertility also declines rapidly from the age of 25 and the doctors estimate that the average 40-year-old takes two years to get his partner pregnant – even if she is in her twenties • Men often wait for “security”, which to us means financial security, however, for women it means emotional security. If you wait until you have the money you might not get to play with your grandchildren.

39. Study released this year: • An average of two more new gene mutations appeared in offspring for every year of increase in a father’s age, meaning the number of new mutations passed on by fathers would double every 16.5 years from puberty onward • Women who conceive later in life are at higher risk of having babies with Down syndrome and other rare chromosomal abnormalities, but this study showed that men transmitted far more new gene mutations to children than women. • The finding chimes with the results of three U.S. studies published in April that found that spontaneous mutations could occur in a parent’s egg or sperm cells that raised the risk of autism, and that fathers were four times more likely than mothers to pass these mutations on.

40. Do the Math! • If you marry at 34.3 years old (Canadian average for a man’s first marriage as of 2005) and have kids at 35 (assuming of course you and your wife are still able) • Perhaps you decided to worship the god of money or selfishness, and worry about getting a good education so you can get a good job, and fight temptation without outlet. • Your first child will leave for university/workforce when you are 53 • If they wait as long as you did to have kids you will be 70 for your first grandchild and 105 for your first great-grandchild.

41. Alternately, if you marry at 20: • the student loan organizations consider you a family without entering your parent’s income against you, and the loan is tax deductable. • Your lust has an outlet which does not lead to sin, you become one with your wife, and you have something God calls “good” • If you wait until you are done post-secondary and perhaps have a descent job to start having kids (25 years old) ; • you will be 43 when the first leaves for post-secondary, • 50 when the first grandchild comes, • 75 when the first great-grandchild comes, • and 100 when the first great-great-grandchild comes

42. Divorce • The only Biblical grounds for divorce, for a Christian, is adultery. AND, if you get divorced, you are not to remarry. (1 Corinthians 7:11) • If you want to impoverish your family (for generations), cause irreparable psychological harm (to the kids, your wife, and yourself), then by all means get a divorce. Every study for the last 30 years have show these two to be true. • "Ten percent of the nation's families are headed only by a woman, but 40 percent of the families classified as poor have female heads." • Fathers establish the moral principals of their kids, mothers their habits, and a bad father is worse than a dead one.

43. While the last statement may shock you every study for the last decade has show that an absent or lousy father figure was the determining factor in everything from drug use, to crime, to domestic terrorism. • Ex: School shootings study by the FBI • A survey of 108 rapists undertaken by revealed the 60 percent came from female-headed homes,.70 percent of those describable as 'violent' came from female-headed homes. 80 percent of those motivated by 'displaced anger' came from female-headed (single-parent) homes. • Of the juvenile criminals who are a threat to the public 75% came from broken homes.

44. A 1987 study found that divorce - regardless of the economic status or racial make-up of the disrupted family - posed the strongest correlation with robbery rates in American cities larger than 100,000 (population). • Young men who grow up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail as those who come from traditional two-parent families • In 2010, in the USA, 70 000 suicides were as a direct result of divorce.

45. The Banquet of the Lamb On a much deeper level, the Bible teaches that the intimate relationship that can be achieved between a bride and a groom is a shadow of the intimacy that exists between Christ and his followers. (Eph 2:25-28)

46. Jesus Saves Jesus Christ must be exalted as the One who defines sexuality and all of life. He is also the One who redeems sexuality so that even after violating His standards there is forgiveness and restoration.

47. Real life questions