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The college guide

The college guide. VIBS Family Violence & Rape Crisis Center www.vibs.org. Vibs services. Counseling Children Adolescents Adults Elder Abuse Advocacy Legal Service SANE Program ERC Program Community Education HALT 24/7 Hotline (631) 360-3606 www.vibs.org.

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The college guide

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  1. The college guide VIBS Family Violence & Rape Crisis Center www.vibs.org

  2. Vibs services • Counseling • Children • Adolescents • Adults • Elder Abuse • Advocacy • Legal • Service • SANE Program • ERC Program • Community Education • HALT • 24/7 Hotline (631) 360-3606 • www.vibs.org

  3. What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship means that both you and your partner are: • Communicating • Respectful • Trusting • Honest • Equal • Enjoy Personal Space • Make consensual sexual decisions

  4. What is an unhealthy relationship? An unhealthy relationship starts when even just one of you is: • Not communicating • Disrespectful • Not trusting • Dishonest • Trying to take control • Feeling smothered or forgetting to spend time with others • Pressuring the other into sexual activity or ignoring consequences

  5. What is an abusive relationship? An abusive relationship starts when just one of you: • Communicates abusively • Is disrespectful through abuse • Falsely accuses the other or flirting or cheating • Doesn’t take responsibility for the abuse • Controls the other partner • Isolates the other partner • Forces sexual activity

  6. Dating violence 101 • Dating (domestic) violenceis a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation. • It can occur within intimate relationships, and abusers can be spouses, partners, boyfriends/girlfriends, family members, or caregivers. • Dating violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.

  7. Types of abuse • Verbal/emotional abuse • Psychological abuse • Abuse of “male privilege” • Jealously & isolation • Destruction of personal property • Threats & intimidation • Sexual abuse • Physical abuse • Financial abuse

  8. Dating violence facts • Dating violence follows a pattern that alternates between caring behaviors that reinforce the relationship and violent behaviors that intimidate the victim. • It is often consistent and escalates over time. • It is caused by the perpetrator, not the victim or the relationship • It can take on many different forms (physical, emotional, sexual, financial, etc.) • It occurs without regard to race, age, class, culture, economic status, disability, gender, income, sexual preference, or education level.

  9. Cycle of violence

  10. Warning signs of a potential abuser Someone who: • shows little or no respect for your wishes or opinions • makes you nervous when you are around them • tries to isolate you • is extremely jealous or possessive • humiliates you in front of friends and family • demands to know where you are at all times • has a history of abuse in their family or past relationships

  11. Some important facts • Dating violence is not: • Caused by drug and alcohol use • Caused by stressful events • The victim’s fault • Victims of dating violence are not weak. • They do not provoke or enjoy the violence. • The signs of an abuser are not always easy to see. • Abusive behavior does not get better over time, even when serious promises are made. • Extreme jealousy is not a sign that someone really loves you. • It is not easy to leave an abusive partner.

  12. Signs that someone may be in an abusive relationship • Physical injuries • Change in style of clothing or makeup • Difficulty making decisions and loss of confidence • Isolation • Quits school activities • Decline in grades • Alcohol or drug use

  13. Help is available If you or a friend are in an abusive relationship: • Talk to someone you trust • Call VIBS hotline for information, support, and services • If you are in immediate danger call 911 • Remember that no one deserves to be abused. Abuse is never the victims fault. • Believe, try to be non-judgmental, and offer support to friends.

  14. Questions

  15. Rape and sexual assault 101 • Rape: unwanted (without consent) or forced sexual intercourse to include some type of penetration, however slight. This would include vaginal penetration or anal penetration. • Sexual Assault: an umbrella term used to describe a range of offensive behavior that may or may not be considered criminal under New York State Law. It includes sexual harassment, sodomy, incest, and sexual abuse.

  16. Consent in new york • A person cannot give consent if: • They are under 17. • They are mentally disabled or incapacitated. • They are physically helpless. • They are in the care of a correctional facility, a healthcare setting, or a child welfare agency. • Lack of consent results from: • Forcible compulsion. • Incapacity to consent by being asleep, unconscious, or legally intoxicated. • A clear expression of NO that a reasonable person should understand.

  17. Rape and sexual assault myths • Women get raped because they are wearing short skirts and low cut shirts. • Rape is about sex and is committed by men who are sexually frustrated. • Individuals cannot be raped by their partners, husbands, or wives. • Men cannot be raped. ALL OF THESE ARE FALSE!

  18. Types of rape • Acquaintance Rape • Acquaintance assault involves coercive sexual activities that occur against a person's will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury. These sexual activities are imposed upon them by someone they know (a friend, date, acquaintance, etc.). • Partner Rape • Sexual acts committed without a person's consent and/or against a person's will when the perpetrator is the individual's current partner (married or not), previous partner, or co-habitator. • Stranger Rape • Sexual assault committed by a perpetrator the victim does not know. There are 3 types. • Blitz • Contact • Home Invasion

  19. Drug facilitated sexual assault • Any type of sexual assault can be drug facilitated. • Drug facilitated sexual assault occurs when a person administers drugs or alcohol to a person, without consent, with the intention of committing a sexual act. • There are several New York state criminal statues that deal specifically with drug facilitated sexual assault. • Facilitating a Sex Offense with a Controlled Substance: Administering a controlled substance to another person without consent, and with intent to commit a felony sex crime, and committing or attempting to commit a sex offense- Class D Felony • Rape 2nd: Intercourse with someone incapable of giving consent (mentally disabled or incapacitated, physically helpless)- Class D Felony

  20. “Date rape” drugs • Alcohol is the most common “date rape” drug. Alcohol also amplifies the effect of other “date rape” drugs. • Other “date rape” drugs include GHB, Ketamine, Rohypnol, and MDMA. • Currently, prescription and over-the-counter drugs are quickly becoming the drugs of choice for date rapists. • Ambien, Benadryl, Valium, Xanax, etc. • Many date rape drugs metabolize extremely quickly in the body. They will not show up on routine toxicology screens.

  21. Sane centers • SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) program is a collaborative effort between the Suffolk County Police Department, the District Attorney’s Office, Health Care Providers, and the VIBS Family Violence & Rape Crisis Center. • The primary mission is to provide immediate, compassionate, culturally sensitive, and comprehensive forensic evaluation and treatment by specially trained sexual assault forensic examiners in a private, supportive setting for all victims of sexual assault, whether or not they choose to report to law enforcement. • SANE Centers in Suffolk County: • Good Samaritan Hospital • Stony Brook University Medical Center • Peconic Bay Medical Center

  22. Options after a sexual assault • Do not shower, clean up the area, or put anything into your mouth. • Go directly to a hospital or SANE center for medical attention, even if you feel medically okay. • Call VIBS for an ERC, counseling, advocacy, or just to talk. • Take care of yourself. The rape was not your fault. Surround yourself with people who are supportive. • Call the police- this does not mean that you have to press charges.

  23. After a sexual assault • There are many physical and emotional reactions that a person may experience after a sexual assault. • Rape Trauma Syndrome: • Acute Phase:Disorganization: marked by fear and physical symptoms (1-6 months, often overlaps into long-term phase). • Long Term: Reorganization: individual begins to regain feelings of control. (6-12 months or longer). • Everyone reacts differently, and no reaction is wrong. • Counseling can help victims to work through the emotions brought about by a sexual assault.

  24. Thank you! • Questions? • Our hotline is available 24/7 to answer questions and to provide support and referrals. • (631) 360-3730 • www.vibs.org

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