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Show and Tell

Show and Tell. My son:. My son is four years old. He has a round face with short, light brown hair and hazel eyes. He comes up to my waist and he is very energetic. Can you picture him? Why not? Although I did describe him, I didn’t show him to you. That is the way your readers feel.

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Show and Tell

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  1. Show and Tell

  2. My son: My son is four years old. He has a round face with short, light brown hair and hazel eyes. He comes up to my waist and he is very energetic. Can you picture him? Why not? Although I did describe him, I didn’t show him to you. That is the way your readers feel.

  3. We need to “show” our readers what we mean rather than just tell them about it.

  4. Story Time: • When I was in fourth grade. We were playing at the neighbor’s house across the street and I decided to climb a tree to try and spit on my little brother who was playing with his friend below. The next thing I knew, it was a day later and I woke up in a hospital room. Apparently I had slipped and fallen over 30 feet to the ground. I tried to grab a couple of other branches on my way down, but I just ended up bouncing off of them. As it ended up, I landed on my upper back just below the neck, and the impact gave me a severe concussion. So, is this a good piece of writing?

  5. 3 Steps • Be Powerful • BS • Trim the fat.

  6. Step 1: Be Powerful Replace weak verbs with strong ones. • Examples: is, was, were, go, went, do, does, did Example: • Notice the weak verbs: • How could we make it better? • Show how Barbara was mean and a jerk • Barbara was a jerk. She was mean to everyone. • Every word Barbara spoke was full of venom and her devil eyes could make any 7th grader cry.

  7. Step 2: B.S. Be Specific • Example: • Ask Questions to clarify what you mean: • What were you playing? • Which tree? • Who was your brother? • Which friend? • Where were you in the tree? • Why were you trying to spit on them? • We were playing at the neighbor’s house across the street and I decided to climb a tree to try and spit on my little brother who was playing with his friend below. I lost my balance and fell.

  8. Step 3: Trim the Fat • So, like then I was all looking down on my brother and trying to spit on him and well, yeah, I kinda slipped and fell. • Take out any words/sentences that are unnecessary • EX: like, very, yeah, well, so, kinda, stuff, really • Leave only the most important words • Replace filler with substance • I peered at the diminutive boy below, snorted a mouthful of snot, and puckered my lips, allowing the slippery secretion to lengthen and then drop like a bomb onto his unsuspecting head.

  9. Now it’s your turn… • Look over your paper. • Circle all weak verbs (is, was, were, did, does, went, go) • Underline any objects you mention, but have not described in full • Cross out any filler words/sentences that don’t add to the text. • Go through and try to find new ways to write that will show rather than tell.

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