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Overcoming Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace – More Than a Matter of Semantics. Presented by Lisaanne Markowitz November 19, 2003 – MTI Cruise. Aim of Presentation. To consider a different approach in finding value for and marketing MTI’s Workplace Mediations models.
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Overcoming Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace – More Than a Matter of Semantics. Presented by Lisaanne Markowitz November 19, 2003 – MTI Cruise
Aim of Presentation • To consider a different approach in finding value for and marketing MTI’s Workplace Mediations models. • To define the differences between confronting and confrontation. • To consider the impact that the different connotations of these two words can have on individuals when they find themselves facing difficult conversations. • To examine why people fear confronting conversations and their typical responses to them. • To review useful strategies to overcome fear in having confronting conversations in the workplace.
Agenda • Consider this – moments that require a confronting conversation. • You’re not alone. • Brainstorm the meaning of confrontation. • Brainstorm why we avoid might avoid confront. • Reasons we avoid confrontation. • Typical responses to confrontation. • Strategies for overcoming the fear in initiating confronting conversations in the workplace.
Moments that Require a Confronting Conversation • Consider a confrontation between you and another that did not go well. Past or present. • How willing were you to confront the situation? • How did you go about confronting the situation? • How did the other go about confronting the situation? • What were the outcomes of the situation? • In retrospect,how might you have handled the situation differently?
You’re Not Alone • Teaching Conflict Management, Negotiation, Mediation, Facilitation and Coaching. • Manager as Mediator and Self as Mediator • Time spent on what conflict is, how to recognize it and how to resolve it – but how much time do we spend considering why we resist resolving it in the first place. • Even with all my training and experience, I sometimes fear confronting others. • Do any of you ever share the same sense of dread?
A Call for Sensitivity and Understanding It is critical to our success as practioners in the field of conflict prevention and management: • To develop a keen sensitivity and understanding to the amount of stress and struggle experienced by many of our clients, training participants, colleagues in the workplace – any individual who is seeking our assistance - in having to initiate or participate in a face-to-face exchange that they anticipate will end in a confrontation.
Confrontation = • Brainstorm what words or phrases you associate with the word confrontation. • Put on flipchart.
Confrontation vs., Confronting – Not One in the Same - Is it Semantics? • A Confrontation is a hostile disagreement face-to-face between two or more individuals. • Confronting means to bring forth, to come face – to – face with another. • Perhaps we fear confronting conversations because we perceive them to be one and the same as a confrontation. • Perhaps we fear confronting conversations because we fear that we will engage in a confrontation with another and that the outcome will end badly.
Avoiding Confronting Conversations? • Brainstorm why we might avoid initiating a confronting conversation? • Put on flipchart.
Reasons we Avoid Confronting Conversations • We associate so many of our own negative emotions with it and have a fear that we will cause negative feelings in others. • Some have a need to be nice and not hurt feelings. • For some, confronting or being confronted in the past did not go well. - It was not well received or some have created fear in others in having a confrontation because of their addiction to criticism – to find fault, place blame – to say you are wrong instead of telling their “truth” with compassion and good intentions. • For many confronting feels like a verbal attack. • Consider your own responses in the opening exercise. • Some employees don’t think they have the right to initiate a confronting conversation - permission. • Some employees don’t think that they know how to handle a confronting conversation – capability/skill.
Typical Responses to Confrontation. • To become passive and withdraw. • Take the offensive and strike back. • Make excuses and defend behavior – maybe yours, maybe theirs.
The Alternative and Benefits of Confronting Conversations • In the workplace, what are some typical outcomes to situations where a confronting conversation should have happened, needed to happen but never happened? • What are some possible benefits in having a confronting conversation?
Moments that Require a Confronting Conversation • Consider a confrontation between you and another that did not go well. Past or present. • In retrospect, what could you have done to handle the situation differently? - Back to our first question.
Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace • Consider the following: • Your own comfort level in handling difficult conversations. • Your usual approach and style for having confronting conversations and the origin for that style – tend to avoid it, make excuses for yours or the others behavior or meet it head on as soon as a difficult moment arises. • How you like to be spoken to and/or our addressed when differences and difficulties arise in your personal and professional relationships. • How important others like to be spoken to and/or our addressed when differences and difficulties arise in their personal and professional relationships.
Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace • Consider the following: • The alternatives of not having the confronting conversation with those who you are interdependent with in the workplace. • In many ways ways initiating confronting conversations with others in the workplace is a mix between feeling capable to handle the confronting conversation and feeling as if you have permission to request another to participate in a confronting conversation with you.
Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace • It has been said that 80% of negotiation is preparation, the same can be said for having confronting conversations. • Tools to prepare – the MTI approach for managing workplace conflict. • A comprehensive and empowering approach that sets you up for successful outcomes – so that you feel both able to initiate and capable to handle the confronting conversation.
The MTI Approach to Handling Confronting Conversations – An Aim of this Presentation • To consider a different approach in finding value for and marketing MTI’s Workplace Mediations models. • In light of this presentation, did you and if yes - how so and/or in what ways did you find a new or different value for MTI’s Workplace Mediation models? • How might you use the concept of confronting conversations as a tool to market or explain the MTI approach to your potential clients or as part of a MAM and SAM training? • What were some key learning’s from this presentation? • How might you use these learning’s in the work you do with others?
