effective recovery

1. effective recovery • Lethbridge AB, March 24th, 2011

2. EFFECTIVE RECOVERY • FROM • ENVIRONMENT - RELATED • MENTAL ILLNESS • AND ASSOCIATED • ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS

3. ENABLE • Most Effective Ways: • Direct Access To Money • Encourage Feeling Sorry For Oneself • Help One Feel Sorry For Oneself • Once In This Trap • Its Becomes A Breeding Ground For Direct Manipulation And Control Over The Enabler effective recovery

4. FAMILY VIOLENCE • A TRIBUTE TO • HAZEL WORDEN • (MY MOTHER) • APRIL 2, 1927 • MARCH 13, 2011

5. CREDENTIALS • Education Background - Science • B.Tech, B.Sc., P.Eng. • Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society • Client of Alberta Health Services • Mental Health • Addiction Services effective recovery

6. PURPOSE • Holistic Recovery • Dysfunctional Childhood Environment • Exposure To Family Violence • Sleep Deprivation • Underdeveloped Childhood And Adult Interpersonal Skills • Addictive Behaviors, Self-Medicating effective recovery

7. PURPOSE • Experiences In Recovery • Theories And Beliefs • Concepts (Mine And Others) • Successes • Barriers (Real Or Imaginary) • Positive & Negative • Safety Factors – To Prevent Relapses (All Types) And Full Scale Addiction effective recovery

8. TODAY’S AGENDA • Where My Life Is: 2011 • My Health And My Recovery • Survivor • Series Of Life-Long Abuses • External And Self-Administered • Contributing Member of Society effective recovery

9. FAMILY VIOLENCE • Before Grade School • Trauma • Violence Towards My Mother • Quit Talking For Two Years • Little Interaction With Children • Obesity • Mother Would Pacify Me • Cake And Thick Cream From Milking Cows effective recovery

10. FAMILY VIOLENCE • Before Grade School • Trauma • “When Circumstances Do Not Allow The Infant and Young Child To Experience Consistently Secure Interactions or, Worse, Expose Him (Her) To Many Painfully Stressing Ones, Maldevelopment Often Results” • In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts, pg. 189 effective recovery

11. FAMILY VIOLANCE • Before Grade School • Childhood Exposure To Sex • Other Kids • Showed Me Intercourse (~3-4) • Mom’s Reaction • Victims Of Sexual Abuse • Experiments With Boys Ended (~16) effective recovery

12. FAMILY VIOLENCE • Grade School • Childhood Exposure To Sex • Statutory Rape By A Man (~ 12) • I In The Was Lobby Of A Hotel When I Was Lured To A Hotel Room. My Dad Was In The Bar (He Never Knew) • First Orgasm • Significant Emotional Foot Print • Confused Sexual Identity • Suppressed Adult Sexuality (~38) effective recovery

13. FAMILY VIOLENCE • Elementary Years • Lost Child • Bottom Of Class Through Out Regular School Years • “They May Go Through School Inattentive And Absentminded, But as They Cause No Trouble, They Are ‘Passed Through’ From Grade to Grade” • Scattered Minds, pg. 15 effective recovery

14. FAMILY VIOLENCE • Junior Years • Left Mom’s And Moved To Dad’s(~13) • Never Attended School That Year • Left Dad’s (~14) • Moved To Pat’s - A Life Mentor (~15) • Attempted - Give My Life Direction • Coached - Back To School (~21) • Spirit Returned To Creator (2005) effective recovery

15. WORKAHOLIC • Adult Years • Bow Valley College (~21) • Grade 4 English, Grade 9 Math • While Working Weekends And Evening • University of Calgary (~ 27) • Diagnosed With Learning Disabilities • Bachelor Of Science Degree • Department Of Chemical And Petroleum Engineering (~30) effective recovery

16. WORKAHOLIC • Adult Years • Petro-Canada (~30) • P.Eng. With APEGGA (~33) • Black Belt – Karate (~33) • Pilot License (~36) • Fulltime Employment (1991 – 1999) • CNRL (~40) • Employment Terminated (2000 – 2004) • First Business Day After Leaving A Long-Term Treatment Program In BC effective recovery

17. MENTAL ILLNESS • Last 10 Years • Multiple Treatment Centers • First Detoxification - Fall 2001 • First Treatment - Winter 2002 • Last Treatment - Fall 2008 • Five Psychological Hospitalizations • 2 Ponoka, 2 Calgary (FootHills) • 1 Lethbridge effective recovery

18. MENTAL ILLNESS • Underdeveloped Interpersonal Skills • As a kid • Schools’ Scapegoat • Friends Were Adults • Early Adult (U of C and Petro-Canada) • My Mentor And Three Female Friends • Delayed Adult Sexuality (~38) • Emotionally - Attracted To Women • Physically - Attracted To Men • Confused Sexuality – Shame/Guilt effective recovery

19. SEXUAL FREEDOM • My Sexual Identity Is Openness • No Labels • Not Straight • Not Gay • Not Bi-Sexual • Freedom To Be With Any Willing Partner • Only Restrictions • Legal Age And Mental Stability effective recovery

20. RELATIONSHIP • Sexually Abstinent (~5) • Self Gratification • In A Long-Term Friendship (~1 ½) • She Is Here Today • Common Social Reaction I Experience • When I State: • Innocent People Were Hurt Because Of My Actions In Addiction (Forgivable) • Exchange Pleasures In The Privacy Of A Bedroom With Same Gender (Ostracized) effective recovery

21. HOLISTIC RECOVERY • Independent Living – 2010 • Bachelor of Technology Degree – 2010 • Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society – 2011 • Practicum/Work Project – Present • Devon Canada Corporation • Schlumberger Canada • Projected Employment After Project • (April/May) effective recovery

22. Total • Acceptance And Forgiveness • Of My Past • – • Both • Myself And My Environments’ effective recovery

23. “I Can Never Understand How Someone Could Wake Up More Tired Than When He Went To Bed” • PAT (~15) • Employer And Mentor effective recovery

24. HOW • Medical Intervention and Counseling • Alberta Health Services • Lethbridge • Mental Health • Addiction Services • Calgary • Foothills Sleep Clinic • Calgary Counseling • Collective Input From ~ 20 (Guess) Detoxifications, Treatment Centers and Hospitalizations effective recovery

25. HOW • Physical and Spiritual Support • Fresh Start Recovery Centre • 12 Step Programs and Literature • Some Religious Programs • Some Government Programs • Researched More or Different Perspectives • Smart Recovery • Gabor Maté, M.D. (Found - Very Helpful) • In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts • Scattered Minds effective recovery

26. CONCEPTS • Boundary Conditions • From Engineering • Concepts Taken From A Category of Math: • Boundary Value Problems • The Mathematics - Can Be Intense • The Concepts - Straight Forward • We Know Initial Conditions (Addiction) • We Know End Conditions (Today) • How Do We Determine A Path To Get From Initial to End Conditions (Analysis) effective recovery

27. CONCEPTS • Boundary Conditions (Analysis) • KEY • Create A Network Of Supports • Mental/Physical/Emotional/Spiritual • Allow Other’s To Help (But Not Blindly) • Excepting/Offering Help Requires Trust • Doctors, Counselors, and Treatments • Centers: Have Different Interests • Needs To Relate With Professionals • I Challenged AISH – To Keep Supports effective recovery

28. CONCEPTS • Boundary Conditions (Analysis) • Some Programs Worked For Some People • But Not For Me And Not For Others: Why? • Types Of Programs I Encountered: • 12 Step Based & Support Groups (~ 4) • Psychology Based (Duel diagnosis) • Spiritual Based (~3) • Other Programs • Smart Recovery • Schick Shadel Hospital (USA) effective recovery

29. CONCEPTS • Boundary Conditions • Common Thread In Hearing Hundreds Of Success Stories: • Individual • Believes In The Process And Staff • They Tied Into A Solid Support Network • Before & After Leaving Treatment • “Am I equipped To Deal With The Reality Of Life And The Raw Emotions Uncovered During Treatment” effective recovery

30. CONCEPTS • Boundary Conditions • Left Teen Challenge (~ 10 Months Clean) • CNRL Terminated Employment Next Day • Few Months Later I Was Hospitalized (~30 days) • I Had Not Established A New, Solid Support Network In Calgary • I Heard Testimonies From Teen Challenge’s Alumni Claiming Decades Of Recovery • They Had Continuous Contact With Their Faith Community effective recovery

31. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL MELTDOWN • Sleep Apnea • Lost A 10 Year Job • Started Drinking in Bars • Underdeveloped Interpersonal Skills • Attracted Hustlers • I Had Access To Lots Of Money • Lost Discipline, Self-Respect, Integrity • Sexual Explosion (~38) effective recovery

32. BEFORE MELTDOWN effective recovery

33. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL MELTDOWN • Lost Discipline, Self-Respect, Integrity • Lost A 10 Year Job (1999) • Fell In Love (1999) • Idea Of Someone In My Life • I Had No Emotional Maturity • Found a New Job (2000) • Bought a New House (2000) • Introduced to Drug (Fall 2001) • Became My Drug Of Choice – Major Addiction effective recovery

34. FRESH START INTAKE effective recovery

35. FRESH START INTAKE • Switch Addictions To Pancakes • Pancakes, Butter, Syrup (~3 Months) • > 363 lbs • Am I A Food Addict? • Learned To Lose Weight (12 Step Program) • I consider Myself An Addict Who Used Food • I lost Weight Using 12 Step Concepts • Not Able to Maintain Long Term Abstinent As They Define It • Technically – Meaning No Clean Time effective recovery

36. END CONDITIONS (TODAY) • Effective Recovery • Tied Into A Support Network • Doctors, Counselors, Treatment Centers,12 Steps Groups, Gym, Smart Recovery, Recovery Literature, Family, Friends • Safety Factors To Help Prevent Relapse • Accountable to Someone (Sponsor) • Let A Trustee Control Money • Power of Attorney • Strong Constraints On Bank Cards effective recovery

37. END CONDITIONS effective recovery

38. CHOICE • Stormed Out Of Counselor’s Office (~5) • Extremely Emotionally Charged • Over The Concept Of Choice • My Ability To (Or Not To) Choose When I Picked Up My Drug Of Choice • I Still Have The Same Addiction Counselor • I Except (Now) That I Can Have A Choice • Under Specific Conditions • While Maintaining Safety Factors effective recovery

39. CHOICE • When Can I Rely On Choice • I Had No Control Over My Addiction • My Income Tax Statement For 2002 Records That I Made Over $172,000.00 • I Never Worked A Day That Year • I Liquidated All I Had Available • When Accepted Into Fresh Start In 2008 (The Second Time) • I Was In My 3rd Homeless Shelter • Family Started To Disown Me effective recovery

40. CHOICE • If I Choose To Pick Up My Drug Today • I know From Experience • The Chemicals Will Affect And Change My Thinking Process • I Will Not Want To Stop And Therefore Not Be Able To Stop Until: • Something Physically Separates Me From The Drug Long Enough For the Intense Cravings to Stop • I Think This Phenomenon Is Well Known And Accepted effective recovery

41. CHOICE • What May Not Be Known Or Accepted • I Would Get Surges Through My Body/Brain • Perhaps As My Body Purged Residual Chemicals Into The Blood • When These Surges Were Strong Enough • Something, Again, Would Affect And Changed My Thinking Process • I Would Gain A Strong Desire To Pick Up My Drug - Awareness Of Consequences Distorted • I Could Not Rely On The “Power Of Choice” To Keep Me Clean And Sober effective recovery

42. CHOICE • Safety Factors • Comparing The Affects Of The Surges To A Tornado • If A Tornado Was To Come Most Would Find Shelter For Safety • Exiting The Shelter After The Storm • If A Tornado Is About To Occur In My Mind • If Not Aware Of The Storm Approaching The Tornado Can (And Eventually Will) • Result With A Relapse • If I Do Not Find Shelter By Getting Help effective recovery

43. CHOICE • Power Of Choice • An Analogy Comparing Water Flow To Linear Logical Thought Processes: • Tap Water From A Kitchen Faucet • High Tap Pressure – Rough Turbulent Flow • Low Tap Pressure – Soft Laminar Flow • The Brain Affected By Chemicals • First 3 to 6 Months – Logic Processes Are Turbulent or Scattered – As Brain Purges • Time in Recovery – Logic Processes Converge Toward Laminar Or Controlled Thinking effective recovery

44. CHOICE • Safety Factors • I Have Meet Many People Who Say They Walked Into A 12 Step Program And Never Use Their Drug Of Choice Again • I Am Not One Of Them! • My Fear Is: • I Could Pickup Tomorrow If I Do Not Practice Diligence With-in My Recovery Program effective recovery

45. CHOICE • Safety Factors • I Had To Find Something More Powerful Than My Addiction • I Had To Find A Way To Stop Myself From Picking Up My Drug Of Choice (Or Any Drug) • I Gave People (Who Gained My Trust) Authority To Take Control Over Parts Of My Life • Treatment Center • Family • I Have More Freedom And Security As A Result effective recovery

46. CHOICE • Safety Factors • I Have A Trustee • I Gave Specific Individuals Power Of Attorney • I Need Their Signatures’ At The Bank • I Make My Own Financial Decisions • But, They Have the Power To Stop Me From Accessing Money If They Suspect I Am In A Relapse • My Roommate Knows To Call 911 And Have Me Removed If I Were To Bring Drugs To Our Apartment (I Will Do The Same For Him)_ effective recovery

47. CHOICE • Safety Factors • Relying On “The Power Of Choice” Is Dangerous • We Need To Develop Safety Constraints • An Example (The Aviation Industry) • Has Excellent Safety Statistics World Wide • If An Airline Encounters An Issue, It Is Flagged In An Industry Wide Data Base • Planes Are Pulled For Maintenance effective recovery

48. CONCLUSION • Safety Factors • There Is A Need For Research And Development For Relapse Intervention • Client’s who Relapse Often Fall Back Into Full Scale Addiction And Society Absorbs The Costs: Welfare, Jails, Or Institutions • If Safety Factors Were Employed • Intervention May Save Tax Payer’s The Burden Of These Costs • The Effectiveness Of This Research Can Be Improved As Knowledge And Information Is Shared effective recovery

49. CONCLUSION • Safety Factors • Today I Have The Choice Not To Use • I Can Lose This Choice If My Mind Goes Into Some Form Of Psychotic Turbulence • Knowing This: • I Have Made the Choice To Allow Specific People To Take Certain Actions If “The Power Of Choice” Is Insufficient To Prevent Me From Relapse • I Have Freedom Today effective recovery

50. “I Would Rather Get Burned Because I Trusted Someone Than Not Trust And Have Failed Someone Who Needed Me” • Daniel McKee, Friend And Landlord effective recovery