Effectively Negotiating the Power Struggle

1. Effectively Negotiating the Power Struggle Mark P. Sindall, M. Ed.

2. An old Cherokee warrior is telling his grandson about the fight that is going on inside of him. The fight is between two wolves. The grandson asks, “Which wolf wins, grandfather?” One wolf is anger, envy, sorrow, resentment, lies, arrogance, greed, false pride, hate and ego. The other wolf is filled with joy, peace, love, hope, generosity, kindness, truth, compassion and faith in mankind. He replied - “The one I feed.”

3. The Power Struggle Purpose Goal Surface issue Fuel Result • Power & Control • Escape pain or discomfort • Smoke screen • Feelings of fear & helplessness • Entrapment

4. The Power Struggle Things to remember Power struggles are always progressive Power struggles tend to isolate individuals Power struggles tend to make us feel helpless No one wins in a power struggle

5. Power Struggle • Power struggles exist in: - work relationships - family relationships - emotional relationships • There is a close relationship between: - power - feelings - emotions

6. Deliberate Behaviors • Intentional violation of rules • Designed to meet social needs at the expense of others • Often peer reinforced • Not connected to underlying emotional issues • Rational • Low stress level

7. Emotional Behaviors • Connected to underlying emotional issues • Often overreaction to stress or misperceptions • Often irrational – not planned • High stress level • Connected to frustration and agitation

8. Deliberate Behaviors Corrective Approach 1. Give a friendly reminder • 2. Give a fair warning 3. Follow through with a consequence

9. Emotional Behaviors Counseling Approach 1. Give Space Acknowledge feelings Offer space Set limits and monitor 2. Listen Actively • Reflect 3. Problem solve (LSCI)

10. How do you avoid a power struggle?

11. Recognize it Storms comes swiftly.

12. Most importantly: Avoid becoming angry. Avoid becoming emotionally entangled. Outside Stress Feelings of inadequacy Feeling attacked – defensive Embarrassment, fear or shock Value violation Authority challenge Anger traps

13. Some Characteristics of of the Oppositional Student They possess a strong need for control, and will do about anything to gain power. They typically deny responsibility for their behaviors and have little insight into how they impact others. They are socially exploitive and very quick to notice how others respond. He then uses these responses to his advantage. They can tolerate a great deal of negativity – in fact they seem to thrive on large amounts of conflict, anger and negativity from others, and are frequently the winners in power struggles.

14. 40 % of all Suspensions Expulsions Physical Restraints Seclusions have been esclated by staff.

15. Pick your battles carefully. When a hammer is the only tool you have, everything looks like a nail.

16. Negotiating the Power Struggle • Limits and consequences must be clearly stated • Boundaries must be clear and narrowly defined • Be willing to wait it out • Acknowledge compliance

17. Remember hook - Avoid the any and all things that can draw you back in. Privacy Eye Contact Proximity

18. Effective Teachers: • Never argue with the student • Avoid talking too much • Do not try to convince the student he’s wrong at that time • Allow the student to escape with grace and dignity during an emotional crisis

19. Effective Teachers: • Avoid forced confrontations • Are careful with the words they choose • Remain focused on their objective • Are careful not to back the student into a corner

20. Keys to Success • Establishing a relationship. • Avoid personalizing • Give choices • Do not compromise on the important issues

21. Seven Steps for Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle in the Class

22. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 1 Do not manufacture power struggles by the way you teach. Power struggles are a result of a student’s attempt to satisfy an unmet need. Students who feel a sense of power and control; are making progress toward their goals, are supported by their teacher, have avenues to share concerns, Don’t feel backed into a corner, and are given choices.

23. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 2 Avoid being hooked in. If the student tries to hook you in by challenging you, pushing your buttons, making you feel guilty or responsible (blame-shifting) for their inappropriate behavior – put the responsibility back on the student. If you become drawn in on a personal level, the student is in control.

24. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 3 Move into a private encounter. If the encounter begins publicly, quickly move into a private, one to one interaction. A public stage will put the student in a position where they must defend their image; and put you in a position that you feel you need to demonstrate your power.

25. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 4 Calmly acknowledge the power struggle. It is counterproductive to show anger or to flex your muscle. Instead, with a calm voice, acknowledge that things appear to be heading toward a power struggle - which will make things worse. Ask the students how the situation could end up in a win-win scenario.

26. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 5 Validate student’s feelings and concerns. Uses phrases such as, “I know you were upset with him, but that does not mean it was alright for you to hit him.” Feelings are important and valued, BUT they are besides the point.

27. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 6 Keep the focus on the student’s choice, and simply state the consequence. No matter what the hook the student tries to use, keep the focus on the fact that the student made a choice to violate the rule or social contract.

28. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 6 They chose to act in the way they did, and therefore they need to accept responsibility. If the student does not want to accept the logical or agreed upon consequences, then they can make the choice to accept a more significant consequence, such as losing the opportunity to be part of the class or activity.

29. Successfully Negotiating a Power Struggle Step 7 Keep your emotional energy into constructive matters. After successfully communicating to the students their choices, it is not useful to dwell on the student’s behavior. Shift your attention back to teaching. Model constructive, rational and positive behavior.