All About Kids

1. All About Kids Fran Lexcen, Ph.D. OCLA Attorney Training 2015-16

2. Topics This Morning • Developmental Aspects of Pre-pubescent youth • Communication Strategies for this age group • Caveat: Many foster kids have missed usual environmental supports that promote development and can appear younger than they are

3. Physical Development • Growth spurts: earlier for girls, lasts longer for boys • Increased appetite • More sweating and body odor • Body parts growing at different rates • Oily skin, acne • Joints may ache from rapid growth

4. Sexual Development • Very beginnings of puberty • Girls & estrogen, ages 9 to 12 • Boys & testosterone, ages 11 to 14 • Secondary sex characteristics • Fantasies about sexual intimacy • Begin to recognize sexual allusions in jokes • Increased need for privacy • May feel confused and self-conscious

5. Cognitive Development • Not quite formal operations • Beginnings of sarcasm, smart talk • Ability to set and plan for simple goals • Occupational exploration • School is less play-centered, more skill-focused; learning to learn. • Strong and unfamiliar emotions as hormones increase • Still overlooking disadvantages during decision –making; one choice decisions

6. Peer Relationships • May still have best buddy • Curiosity about social hierarchies • Conformity with peers greatest until about 13 • Group activities still require adult supervision • Peers more important than family • Enjoy formal and informal play groups • May develop “crushes” or begin “dating”

7. Family Relationships • Loosening of attachments • Values still closely aligned with caregivers even though external conformity matches peers • Recognizing that caring relationships can occur outside family • Increased responsibilities for family life, e.g., chores, household maintenance

8. Social Awareness • Emerging awareness that there are complicated issues such as poverty and war • Greater appreciation for larger social context, current events, other peoples’ relationships • Increased sensitivity to other people, but skills for responding to emotional states still very basic and can misread cues

9. Good Activities (no screens!) • Family • Extended group relationships • Events with same-age peers • Peers • Physical activities for skills and to focus attention on group involvement • Organized groups teach and promote cooperation, positive attitudes to others (including authorities and competitors) • All groups expose to varieties of values, personalities, cultures and mutual respect

10. Common Traits • Increased independence with continuing need for supervision • More responsibility for environmental settings at home and at school • Increased school demands • Basic skills like telling time, reading for fun, personal hygiene, simple cooking, domestic chores • Good time to learn money skills

11. Typical concerns

12. Peer Relationships • Social anxiety – All their friends are changing! • Bullying • Judgment errors in unfamiliar social circumstances • Concerns about leaving friends and skills for new friends • Need context that physical maturation can create unfamiliar feelings and that everyone develops at a different rate

13. Family Relationships • In addition to natural distress, sometimes feel responsible for adult problems • Concerns about new settings • Habits can be important for maintaining familiar structure during emotional upheaval and adaptation • Managing possessions is supremely important

14. Conversational approaches

15. Conversational Strategies • One sentence rule: Main point first on table, gently/obliquely if needed • Short sentences with brief words. Stop if they look disinterested. • Avoid yes/no. Instead of ‘Do you need anything?’ try ‘What do you need most?’ • Ask them to repeat what they’ve heard you say. “Tell me what you heard so I can say what I forgot to tell you.”

16. Techniques • Open-ended questions or statements, e.g., “Tell me what you did on your last visit?” • Express empathy and identify positives, e.g., “It sounds like you feel sad when Mom doesn’t show up. But you found something else to do so your day wasn’t ruined.” • Empathy formula: “You feel X because Y.”

17. Conversational Topics • Goal: Find emotionally ‘safe’ topic of personal interest • Start with general topics (e.g., music, games, iPod, sports, hobbies) and look for personal favorites • Be persistent but casual – kids can be wary of adults who are too friendly

18. Cheat Sheet of Ideas • Past week activities – best/most interesting thing? • Family history – What does your Mom do for a living? • Pets, animals • Favorite foods – last eat? Ever cook it yourself? • Favorite activities – most enjoyed, last engaged, greatest skill, sports, hobbies, etc. • Distractions and hopes – last book you read? Last movie you saw? Skill you would like to learn? Place you would travel if you could? Favorite place you’ve visited or lived?

19. Prepping for Difficult Meetings • Purpose: Helping find answers when people disagree. • Who will be there; their roles • Context: We won’t get all the answers today, but we will talk about this. • Start with easy issues, move to more difficult.

20. Realistic Expectations • Narrow issues to a few items, e.g., The big disagreement is X. Today, we hope to know more about y.” • Frame conditionals as “when…then…” rather than “if…then…””When the judge decides X, then we’ll know Y.” • Potential goals: “When this is done, we will know more about x, y, and z even if we don’t get other things we want.”

21. More Prepping • Draw a picture if needed. Lots of kids do better with non-verbal material and justice system is verbal-dependent. • Frame choices, preferences and decisions with their pros and cons. One choice at a time. Remember that they will forget the ‘cons’ when it’s time to decide and over-value the ‘pros.’ • Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself – it helps them

22. Debriefing Tough Meetings • Lots of empathy statements • Probe for their perceptions • Explain your understanding and implications • Clarify misperceptions of adult functioning (e.g., parents angry at system, not at you)

23. Summing Up • Kids this age group are at the beginning of dynamic developmental period – adolescence – and their thinking, feeling and experiences are rapidly changing • The unfamiliarity creates some risks for them, but also brings potential for development • They benefit from information presented simply, sometimes repeatedly