Bullying Prevention Workshop for Parents

1. BullyingPrevention Workshop for Parents Debbie Kim WVUSD Counselor Sites: Castle Rock, Collegewood, Evergreen Taken from: Dr. Amanda Nickerson, Ph. D Director of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention

2. Key Points of Presentation • What is Bullying? • Recognize the Warning Signs • “Bullyproofing” My Child • My Child is Being Bullied • My Child Might Be Bullying Others • How Do I Get Help?

3. What is Bullying?

4. What is Bullying? Intentional, usually repeated acts of verbal, physical, or written aggression by a peer (or group of peers) operating from a position of strength or power with the goal of hurting the victim physically or damaging status and/or social reputation Olweus (1978); United States Department of Education (1998)

5. What are the Different Types of Bullying? • Physical bullying • punching, shoving, acts that hurt people • Verbal bullying • name calling, making offensive remarks • Indirect bullying • spreading rumors, excluding, ganging up • Cyber bullying • sending insulting messages, picturesor threats by e-mail, text messaging, chat rooms • Hinduja & Patchin (2009)

6. How is Bullying Different from Teasing and Conflict? Bullying: Based on a power imbalance; intent to cause psychological or physical harm; usually repeated Teasing: Fun, good-natured, “give-and-take” between friends to get both parties to laugh Conflict: A struggle, dispute, or misunderstanding between two equal forces

7. When and Where Does Bullying Occur? • Pre-K through late high school (and beyond); peaks in grades 4-7 • Can happen anywhere, but it is most likely to occur in less closely supervised areas (bus, locker room, hallways, playground, online)

8. Is Bullying Different in Boys and Girls? • Boys • More direct, physical bullying • Bully more frequently than girls • Bully both boys and girls • Girls • More indirect (harder to detect) • Often occurs in groups and with girls of same age • Cyberbullying slightly more common than for males Banks (2000); Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim, & Sadek, (2010); Crick & Grotpeter, (1995); Hinduja & Patchi (2009); Hoover & Oliver, (1996); Nansel et al., (2001); Olweus, (2002); Underwood, (2003)

9. What do we Know about Students who Bully? • Desire for power and control • Get satisfaction from others’ suffering • Justify their behavior (“he deserved it”) • More exposed to physical punishment • More likely to be depressed • May have other problem behaviors (alcohol and drug use, fighting) Batsche & Knoff (1994); Beaver, Perron, & Howard, (2010); Olweus (1993); Swearer et al. (in press); Vaughn, Bender, DeLisi, (in press)

10. Recognize the Warning Signs

11. What are Signs that Child May be Bullying Others? • Refer to others negatively (wimp, loser) • Lack empathy • Strong need to get his or her own way • Hostile/defiant attitude • Anger easily • Deny involvement or blame others when behavior is addressed

12. What are Characteristics of Children who are Bullied? • Have a position of relative weakness • Age, ethnic background, financial status, disability, sexual orientation • Most are passive and lack assertiveness • Do nothing to invite aggression • Do not fight back when attached • May relate better to adults than peers • Some provoke others • Offend, irritate, tease others • Reactive; fight back when attacked Boivin, Poulin, & Vitaro (1994); Hodges & Perry (1999); Olweus(1978, 1993, 2001); Schwartz (2000); Snyder et al. (2003)

13. What are Kids Bullied About? • Appearance/body size • Perceived sexual orientation • How masculine or feminine they appear to be • Ability at school (“invisible” disabilities) • Race/ethnicity • Money • Religion “If they look different, love different, or walk different” - Kevin Jennings

14. What are Signs that Child May be Bullied • Unexplained illnesses, cuts/bruises • Not wanting to go to school or be in social situations • Any change in behavior • Not interested in doing things that he/she used to like doing • Withdrawn

15. What are Consequences for Youth who Bully? • More likely to experience legal or criminal troubles as adults • Poor ability to develop and maintain positive relationships in later life Andershed, Kerr, & Stattin (2001); Farrington (2009); Farrington, & Ttofi (2009, 2011); Oliver, Hoover, & Hazler (1994); Olweus (1993); Ttofi & Farrington (2008)

16. What are Consequences for Targets of Bullying? • Emotional distress • Loneliness, peer rejection • Desire to avoid school • Increased anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation; low self-esteem • In some cases, may respond with extreme violence Boivin, Hymel, & Bukowski (1995); Boulton & Underwood (1992); Crick & Bigbee (1998); Egan & Perry (1998); Hinduja, & Patchin, (2009); Kochenderfer & Ladd (1996); Nickerson & Sltater (2009); Olweus (1993); Perry et al. (1988)

17. “Bullyproofing” My Child

18. Be a Positive Role Model • Talk with and listen to your child (about school, peers, interests • Listen to and validate concerns about friends and other students • Treat others with dignity and respect • Avoid using derogatory terms toward or about others in person and/or electronically (View Think Before You Speak video) Hymel, Nickerson, & Swearer Education.com

19. Get and Stay Involved • Get involved in school, in community, and at home • Do so in a developmentally appropriate way (mindful of child’s and school’s preference) • Visit school’s website and read newsletters • Know the school’s policies in terms of bullying prevention and intervention • Join the your school’s Community Club and volunteer • Attend extracurricular and sporting events • Support child’s talents and competence • Get to know coaches, counselors, and leaders

20. Teach Children Good Habits Early and Consistently • Have high expectations for behavior and a low tolerance for being mean • Be specific about how specific words and behaviors can hurt others • Teach better ways to respond (All feelings are OK – but not all behaviors are OK) • Emphasize the importance of being a friend

21. Talk Openly about Bullying, Friendship, and Relationships Visit gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter for other resources and conversation starters

22. Teach Children to be Upstanders, not Bystanders • Don’t join in… speak up if it is safe to do so • Band together as a group against bullies • Tell an adult about the bullying • Tattling/ratting = telling an adult to get someone in trouble • Telling/reporting = telling an adult because someone’s behavior is unsafe or hurtful to another • Reach out to isolated peers, offer support

23. Cyberbullying Prevention • Teach responsible use of technology • Only communicate things that you would be OK about your parents seeing • Follow rules (no Facebook under age of 13) • Beware of anonymous sites like Formspring • Use the “off” switch • Do not respond to upsetting communications • Supervise and limit activities (no 24/7) • Have computers in common areas (not in bedroom) • Know child’s password • Be friend on Facebook • Bring cell phones, computers to parents’ room to charge overnight

24. My Child is Being Bullied

25. If Your Child is Being Bullied • Listen and empathize • “Tell me what happened” • “That must have been very scary for you” • Thank child for telling you • Take it seriously • Do not minimize of trivialize

26. If Your Child is Being Bullied • Work with child to find out more about situation and to problem-solve • Responses like “just ignore it,” “give him a good whack,” what did you do to bother him or her?” won’t help • Work in partnership with school and with outside professionals if needed • Follow-up

27. My Child Might Be Bullying Others

28. If Your Child is Bullying Others • Send clear, firm, and supportive message that the behavior is not OK and that you are going to work with child to change it (meaningful consequences) • Try to figure out why your child is bullying • Desire for social power or status? • Temperament issue that needs more adult regulation? • Going along with peers? • Being bullied by others and lashing out?

29. If Your Child is Bullying Others • Work with teacher or counselor to plan for change • Involve child in developing alternate behaviors or ideas to gain leadership and “social status” that don’t involve bullying others • Provide specific examples (from your experience; carefully screened books and media)

30. How Do I Get Help?

31. Know that there are Resources Available • Talk to your child’s teacher • Talk to the school counselor/psychologist • Talk to the principal Referrals for Students in Crisis • 1-800-273-TALK (Suicide Lifeline) • 1-866-4-U-Trevor (LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline)