The Crab

1. The Crab by Neil Chitrao

2. Once upon a time, a guy named Mark was hungry. He had just moved to New Jersey, from Arizona. He was interested to try out the local cuisine, so he decided to randomly drive down Route 1 in search of a good restaurant with his friend, Bill. After driving for about 5 miles, they saw a Red Lobster in the distance. “Isn’t New England famous for its lobsters?” Mark asked. “Yes,” Bill said. Bill decided that trying out lobster would be the beginning of his assimilations into life on the right coast.

3. Mark and Bill went inside, and ordered lobster. The waiter came and served them lobster. Mark took a bite, and promptly spat it out. “I thought you said that New England lobster was good”, Mark said. “Yes,” Bill said. “But I just tried it,” Mark said, “and it’s disgusting!” “No”, Bill said. “What do you mean, no?” Mark asked, irritated. Bill considered for a few moments, and then realized that a monosyllabic answer was impossible. “We’re in New Jersey, not New England,” he said reluctantly. “New Jersey’s part of New England, isn’t it?” Mark asked. “No,” “That’s interesting, I always thought it was,” “Moron,” “What?” “Yes,”

4. “Oh, look, a crab,” Mark said. He pointed at an aquarium full of the crustaceans. Bill considered, and then reassured himself that the comment did not merit a reply. Mark thought about crabs for a while. A waiter arrived with the bill. Mark decided to ask about the crabs. “Waiter, why are those crabs on display?” he asked. “Because they’re awesome crabs, and we like to flaunt them before we kill them and eat them,” he said. “It would be nice to have a crab,” Mark said, pensively. “Well, you can buy one and take it home with you if you want,” the waiter said. Mark had a brainstorm. “How about if I buy one and take it home with me?” he said. “Okay,” said the waiter.

5. Mark got his crab and took it home with him. Bill, in a rare moment of talkativeness, had said, “Bye,” before he left. Mark walked into his kitchen and looked at the crab. He was fascinated by it. The closest things they had to crabs in Arizona were these nasty little spiders that bit Mark in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Mark gazed at it intently for a few seconds, and then realized that the crab wasn’t much to look it. He was still hungry, having had immediately rejected the lobster he had been served. So, he decided to give the seafood from New Jersey another chance. He pulled the crab out of the container he had stored it in. He decided to make crab cakes. He had seen a recipe for them on television. He set some water to boil and took out a large knife.

6. “Wait a minute!” said a tiny voice in the kitchen, “You don’t want to do that!” Mark dropped his knife in horror. This place was weirder than he thought it was. As far as he knew, crabs didn’t talk, but here was direct proof to the contrary. He was beginning to wish he hadn’t moved out of Arizona. Most animals there didn’t talk. “Don’t eat me!” the crab said. Mark decided it would be a good idea to answer the crustacean. “Why not?” he countered. “I,” the crab said dramatically, “am a magic crab.” Mark sighed. There was no such thing as a magic arthropod in Arizona. “What do you mean, you’re a magic crab?” Mark finally asked. “I can grant you one wish,” the crab said. “Okay then,” Mark said, “I don’t believe you,” “Wait a minute!” the crab exclaimed. “How about we think this through for a second?” “No,” Mark said. He picked up the knife and held the crab taut. He had seen people do this on television. The crab lay centered on a cutting board. Mark began his cutting. The crab’s chitinous exoskeleton cracked under Marks exertions.

7. Then, something amazing happened. The crab had been split into two pieces, but now each piece began to rebuild itself. Mark stared in amazement, and it slowly began to dawn on him that he might be in some trouble. Soon, the reconstructions were complete.

9. The crabs were angry. Once the rebuilding was complete, the crab had become, two separated, autonomous magic crabs.One of the crabs scuttled into Mark’s piano. The other magic crab scuttled into a mouse-hole. Mark stared at the crabs for a few moments, and then decided to book a return ticket to Arizona.

10. Fortunately for Mark, the crabs decided not to smite him, after careful deliberation. Mark left New Jersey, because it was too weird for his taste. He liked it back in Arizona. So, everyone lived happily ever after, except Bill. He got hit by a truck.

11. Analogies Chitinous exoskeleton – old nucleus Mark’s hand’s – spindle fibers Crabs- daughter cells Mouse-hole – new nucleus Piano – new nucleus Knife – anaphase promoting complex Metaphase- crab’s alignment on cutting board Prophase- cracking of crab’s exoskeleton Anaphase- separation of crab into two pieces Telophase and cytokinesis- reconstruction and escape of crabs

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