Helping the Challenging Child & FamiLy: Learning tools to Impact Change

1. Helping the Challenging Child & FamiLy: Learning tools to Impact Change By Holly Schneider, LCSW Child and Family Therapist Affiliated Clinical Services hollys@affiliatedclinical.com

2. Emotional Intelligence EI involves the ability to perceive accurately, manage, and express emotion; the ability to access and generate feelings when they facilitate thought, the ability to understand emotion and thought; the ability to regulate emotion and promote emotional and intellectual growth EI involves: • knowing one’s emotions • managing emotions • motivating oneself • recognizing emotions in others (empathy) • handling relationships smoothly *emotional security affects learning and memory

3. WELLNESS MODEL: Skills FOCUS • PHYSICAL NEEDS • INTERNAL (thoughts & emotions) • SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT & SKILLS • SPIRITUAL LIFE

4. EMOTIONAL DISORDERS • Adjustment Disorders • ODD • ADHD • Depression/Mood Disorders • Anxiety Disorders (Separation, Phobias, GAD; SAD, OCD, PTSD) • Autism Spectrum • Psychotic Disorders

5. THE SENSITIVE CHILD • Large emotional range, empathy • Highly anxious behaviors • Poor concentration/focus • Learning and memory • Fluctuates between extremes • Overly sensitive to others (fight/flight) • Somatic issues/strong body awareness • Negative or intense thoughts • Self critical/critical of others

6. The Behaviorally Challenged • Lacks empathy /entitlement • Easily frustrated, reacts quickly • Impulsive • Oppositional/argumentative • Stirs up trouble • Shows disrespect to authority/others • Lies to get out of trouble • Charming/manipulative • Inconsistent • Stubborn

7. The Traumatized Child • Frequent somatic issues and illness • Misses school often • Preoccupied/distracted, less likely defiant • Zones out/misses valuable pieces of information • Lacks coping skills/appears to be in distress • Waivers between extreme sensitivity and detachment/shuts down • Systemic warning signs: unexplained marks; vague answers; inconsistent accounts between parent/child

8. Understanding the Brain • Prefrontal cortex vs. amygdala • Cortisol: The stress hormone • Adrenal system • The hippocampus • Basil ganglia • Serotonin, dopamine

9. The Brain’s Adrenaline Cycle

10. Calm Coaching Skills • Being in aware of the child’s emotion • Recognizing emotion as an opportunity for closeness and teaching • Listening empathetically and validating feelings (LUV technique) before shifting focus • Helping the child find words to talk about the emotion (I feel…..because.. I need….) • Teaching emotional tools to calming down (fuse box) • Setting limits, giving choices, consistent follow through, and finding simple solutions for resolve • Paying attention/growing virtues and Christian character

11. Teaching Values and Virtues • Being responsible/reliable • Having courage • Showing respect • Being truthful • Being compassionate/loving • Having empathy for others • Forgiving others • Showing restraint • Fruits of the Spirit • Taking Initiative

12. ASSESSING NEEDS • Assess for abuse and trauma: ask questions/pay attention to risk factors • Identify needs and tools that the child needs to gain to be reinforced at home • Teaching soothing skills/mindfulness to children and parents motivational and study skills • Social skills goals, groups, diads, 1:1 • Same page check-ins for updates/progress • Helping parents focus on health, not happiness (teaching boundaries)

13. skills for changing behavior • THINKING SKILLS: ANTs, Core Christian Compass, Plan B, Memory words • EMOTIONAL SKILLS: calming(sensorial) tools, working through feelings, letting go (buckets, lanes, box) • BEHAVIORAL SKILLS: writing down goals or plans for change, prayer journal, asking for help, routine, saying I’m sorry, resolve plan

14. INTERPERSONAL skills • Motivational skills • Mindfulness • Plan B thinking • Nurturing brain balance (left vs. right) • Disengaging emotionally from the negative behavior/frustration • Giving consequences in a loving temperature • Tying boundaries to values • Having an emotional skills corner (feelings, ANTs, ER skills, Cool down chair, fidgets, inside age chart, imagery tools, etc)

15. Strategies in the Classroom • ANTs: Anxious Negative Thoughts poster • Stop light • Decision buckets: problem solving model • PLAN B thinking and cause/effect • Emotional toolbox drawing • Cool down center (sensorial experience/soothing) • Skill building exercises-role plays/practicing • Inside age chart • Resolving conflict-communication styles • The fidget for focus • Post it thinking (gratitude wall) • Art and music learning tools • Accountability Corner • Memory or imagery words (LEGO)

16. APPLICATION MOMENTS • Bullying situations: overt/covert • Child refusing to listen • Helicopter parent • Parent overly identifies with needs of child • The angry parent/child • The sexually acting out child • The overly indulged child • The “I don’t fit in” child • The explosive child • The extremely shy or passive child

17. Resources • Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence by Bahman & Maffini • Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Goleman • The Brain and Emotional Intelligence:New Insights by Goleman • Emotional Development & Emotional Intelligence: Educational Implications by Salovey & Sluyter • Boundaries with Kids (Teens) by Cloud & Townsend • Parenting with Scripture by Durbin • The Heart of Anger by Priolo • The Strong Willed Child and Dare to Discipline by Dobson • When Love is Not Enough by Thomas

18. I Peter 3:8-9,15-16 Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.