Leading Great Discussions

1. Leading Great Discussions Do more than dispense information – Inspire transformation

2. Evaluate your current discussions: • Are you managing both content and process? Or, are you preparing questions and feeling that the discussions aren’t developing as you’d like? • What tone are you setting for the group, in terms of sharing? Open, guarded, or somewhere in between?

3. Evaluate your current discussions: • Are you doing most of the talking? If so, is that intentional, or due to personality dynamics? • Are there people in your group who rarely contribute? If so, why do you think that is? • Are there people in your group who monopolize the discussion? Again, if so, why do you think that is?

4. Evaluate your current discussions: • Review your answers. What would you like to change about your group’s discussions? • Assume the perspective of one of your group members. What do you think they would want to change? • What stumbling blocks or discussion hurdles are you facing?

5. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #1 – Not Enough Preparation • Always Have a Plan • Have a working knowledge of the material • Envision the discussion – where will it go? • Prioritize questions – often don’t need them all • Prepare your own answers • Answer relationship-building questions first to set the precedent • Answer study questions after everyone else

6. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #1 – Not Enough Preparation • Consider Logistics • Is the room set-up conducive to discussion? • Move furniture to form a circle; make sure everyone can see everyone else • Is the environment comfortable for all? • Allergies, room temperature • Do you need discussion tools? • Videos, handouts, activities, maps

7. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #2 – Lack of Structure • Follow the Small Group Agreement Template at www.cor.org/grouplifeon the Leader Resource page. • Framework should address: • Regular attendance – sporadic attendance diminishes connections • Promptness – interruptions kill discussions • Confidentiality, respectful language, and the sharing of discussion leadership

8. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #3 – Inadvertently Setting the Wrong Tone • Start Strong – your energy level, outlook, and sharing are the group’s model • Pray for courage and guidance if you are reaching outside of your comfort zone • State discussion goals UPFRONT • “Tonight, let’s finish Chapter 10.” • “Today, I’d love to hear from Charlie and Isabel.” • Write goals on the whiteboard for emphasis

9. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #3 – Inadvertently Setting the Wrong Tone • Start with a warm-up question – don’t dive right in to the study questions • Can begin with informal chatter • Warm up questions should reveal something about the speaker • Tie to the study when possible • You share first – model how long and how revealing the answer should be

10. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #3 – Inadvertently Setting the Wrong Tone • Sample Warm-up Questions: • Who was God to you when you were a child? • What has been one of the best compliments you’ve received as an adult? • Tell us one interesting fact about where you grew up. • What is one thing you are really good at? • What was your favorite toy / book / movie as a child? • If you could be a fictitious person in a book or movie, who would you be? • Does your name have a special meaning?

11. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #4 – Asking Too Many Closed Questions • Closed questions lead to “yes” or “no” answers. Use sparingly: • To lay the groundwork or drive home a point. Example: “Were the disciples initially confused by Jesus’ statement?” • When you need a yes/no answer. Example,“So, are we in agreement that we will meet next week at the Meyer’s home?”

12. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #4 – Asking Too Many Closed Questions • Open-ended questions help members apply lessons to their lives • Begin with HOW, WHY, WHEN, WHAT • What do you think Paul meant here? • Why do you suppose the author groups these three parables together? • When you read this scripture, what came to mind? • How do you feel about Shannon’s suggestion?

13. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #4 – Asking Too Many Closed Questions • Guide with statements using words like TELL, DESCRIBE, SHARE, GIVE, COMPARE • Tell us about a time when you struggled with that emotion. • Describe Martha’s viewpoint in this story. • Give us an example of a time when you felt the Holy Spirit’s guidance. • Compare the two sons in the story.

14. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • The process is as important as the content • General Process Pointers: • Ask just one question at a time • Don’t fear silence – WAIT for an answer, even if it feels awkward • Give positive feedback / affirm participation even if answers are not quite “there” yet • Don’t be afraid to gently call on someone • Encourage more than one answer – “What do the rest of you think?”

15. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Use Guiding Statements and Probing Questions • Keep the group on track – “That’s a great story, Sarah. I think the author used a similar anecdote in Chapter 6. Let’s take a look at that.” • Direct the group to deeper reflection – “What else do you think Paul was trying to convey to the Corinthians?” • Challenge when necessary – “What do you mean when you say you are ‘not really a fan’ of this book of the Bible? Tell us what bothers you about it.”

16. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Use Clarifying Questions and Monitor Body Language • Demonstrate your engagement by leaning forward, nodding, facing speaker • If you are confused by a statement, someone else is, too. Get clarification for everyone’s sake. • Watch the room for signs of disconnection or discomfort, such as crossed arms, pursed lips, sighing, eyes looking down or away

17. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Address Potential Problems Early On • Discussion “Hogs” • Seat them next to you • Assert control with a guiding question or statement, politely interrupting if needed • At the start of your meeting, state that your goal is to hear from quieter group members • Take them aside privately to see if there is an underlying issue behind the monopolization

18. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Address Potential Problems Early On • Timid Contributors • Ask them easy, non-threatening questions to establish their confidence, and offer praise when they contribute • Enlist another member to act as their encourager • Use sub-groups to draw them out if your group is very large

19. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Address Potential Problems Early On • Conflict Between Members • Some friction can actually be good for discussions • If it is becoming heated, use redirection – intervene with another question, or use humor if appropriate. • Meet outside of the group if conflict runs deep. Aim for collaboration or compromise. • Enlist a Group Life staff member if a neutral party is needed.

20. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Address Potential Problems Early On • Shallow Dialogue • More relationship-building is needed – social activities, service projects, warm-up questions • Evaluate your own ability to open up • Use probing questions to dig deeper • Ask the group if they are satisfied with the dialogue. If they’re not, ask them to problem-solve with you.

21. Overcoming Common Stumbling Blocks #5 – Managing the Discussion • Address Potential Problems Early On • Going Off Topic • Look for a pattern. Do the same people cause the wandering? Have a separate discussion with them. • Your current study may not be capturing everyone’s attention. Ask the group, and switch studies if people are not engaged by the current topic. • Do you have a discussion plan made each week? • Don’t worry if it happens occasionally. Sometimes the best group bonding happens when you wander off topic.

22. Now, go and lead some great discussions! Questions? Contact us at grouplife@cor.org. Additional Resources: • Leading Life-Changing Small Groups, Bill Donahue, Zondervan, 2012 • Coaching Life-Changing Small Groups, Bill Donahue and Greg Bowman, Zondervan, 2012 • Re-Group, Henry Cloud, Bill Donahue, John Townsend, Zondervan, 2007 • The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease, Bantam Dell, 2004 • The Eight Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders, Dave Earley, Touch Publications, 2001 • Community – Taking Your Small Group Off Life Support, Brad House, Crossway, 2011 • Leading with Questions, Michael J. Marquardt, Jossey-Bass, 2005 • What Your Story? Icebreaker Questions for Small Groups, Cheryl Shireman, Create Space, 2011 • Why Didn’t You Warn Me? Pat J. Sikora, Standard Publishing, 2007

23. Leading Great Discussions Do more than dispense information – Inspire transformation