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Domestic Violence . . . . . . . . . and its effects on children. St. Pius V Parish. Today’s Presentation. Some background information on domestic violence. Some stories of children. What children need. What happens to children in violent situations. Some BIG things . . . .
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Domestic Violence . . . . . . . . and its effects on children St. Pius V Parish
Today’s Presentation • Some background information on domestic violence • Some stories of children • What children need • What happens to children in violent situations
SomeBIG things . . . . . . little kids shouldn’t have to worry about! Where will I sleep tonight? How will I get my homework done? Who will pick me up from school? I’m supposed to have my bath tonight . . . Who will get hurt tonight? Will there be any dinner tonight? Will the police come? What will get broken tonight? Where is the gun? I need to turn the permission slip for my field trip . . .
Some background . . . • Each year, over 3 million children witness violence at home. • In these homes . . . children face terrible risks . . . . • 1500% higher risk of being abused/neglected • Hurt while trying to protect their Mom • Hit with furniture or thrown items • May become batterers themselves: often boys are: • 8 times more likely to be abused by “battered” Moms • Present in 50% of homes where police intervene
Attachment and bonding what kids need for healthy development • Health ~ emotional, physical, mental • Good nutrition • Social engagement • Language development • Practice in making choices • Positive attitude toward conflict Healthy Development . . . for kids
When kids live with violence . . . emotional problems cognitive problems behavioral problems social problems physical problems
EMOTIONAL Feel guilty for the abuse Grieve for family and their own losses Fell Confused ~ conflicting feelings toward their parents Fear abandonment, the unknown, injury, expressing themselves Angry about the chaos in their lives Feel depressed, helpless and powerless Embarrassed by the abuse and their home life
Blame others for their own behavior ~ “victim” Believe it okay to hit others to get what they want Act out to get others to meet their needs Have low self-concept Don’t ask for what they need ~ don’t feel entitled Don’t ask for what they want ~ “won’t get it anyway” Don’t trust Believe feeling angry is bad ~ people get hurt Rigid stereotypes COGNITIVE
BEHAVIORAL Act out vs. withdrawal Overachiever vs. underachiever Refuse to go to school Caretakers: too much concern for others, parent substitute Are aggressive vs. assertive Develop rigid defenses ~ aloof, sarcastic, defensive, “black/white” thinking Seek attention excessively Wet bed and have nightmares Are out of control behavior ~ not able to set own limits
SOCIAL Isolated from friends and relatives Relationships are short, start intensely but end abruptly Have difficulty trusting, especially adults Have poor anger management, poor problem-solving skills Excessive social involvement to avoid home life With peers are passive OR bullying Engage in exploitive relationships ~ as perpetrator or victim Play with peers, can get very rough
PHYSICAL Somatic complaints ~ stomachaches, headaches Nervous, anxious ~ frequently misdiagnosed ADHD Tired, lethargic ~ short attention span Frequently ill Poor personal hygiene Regression in developmental tasks Desensitized to pain High risk play and activities Self-abuse
Children learn what they live . . . If children live with criticism . . . . ridicule . . . learn to be shy shame . . . learn to feel guilty tolerance . . . learn patience encouragement . . . learn confidence praise . . . learn to appreciate security . . . learn to have faith fairness . . . learn justice approval . . . like themselves . . . they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility . . . . . . . they learn to fight. If children live with acceptance and friendship . . . . . . . they learn to find love in the world.