CODEPENDENCY

1. CODEPENDENCY CelebrateRecovery

2. “Codependency has a fuzzy definition because it is a gray, fuzzy condition. It is complex, theoretical, and difficult to completely define in one or two sentences”Melodie Beattie Codependent No More

3. “One of the confusing things about codependency is that codependent behaviors often masquerade as Christian virtues.” Nancy Groom (Bondage to Bonding)

4. Galatians 6:2: Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

5. Galatians 6:10: So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

6. Philippians 2:3,4: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

7. Codependency is hard to define, but it involves actively seeking to control or manipulate others, give unsolicited advice, rescue needy people, or base our self-concept on the well-being or approval of others. It’s a life-controlling issue because we allow the behavior of another person to effect our behavior,

8. so that we become consumed with that person and their problems. This obsession with the issues and problems of others, becomes debilitating to us as we exhaust inordinate and inappropriate amounts of mental and emotional energy over them, leaving little, if any, energy for ourselves.

9. Underline Codependency = It’s a life-controlling issue because we allow the behavior of another person to effect our behavior

10. He’s Happy that I’m happy that he’s happy

11. “Codependents feel controlled by others and have lost a sense of their own personhood. Unsure of who they are and feeling powerless to manage their lives, codependents – even Christians trapped in codependency – cannot live authentically. Their behaviors might mimic the way Jesus lived, but in their inner spirits they are far from being the free, loving, glad servants Jesus modeled to His disciples.” (Groom p.30)

13. AddictionorIssue

14. AddictionorIssue

15. AddictionorIssue

16. p Try tomaintain control Stuffs own feelings and takes on other’s feelings Angry & resentful Messiah Complex Constant worry Gives up identity to become what others want them to be, or not to rock the boat. Takes personal blame when things don’t go well Second guesses every decision

17. “Codependency is a Self-focused way of life in which a person blind to his or her true self continually reacts to others being controlled by and seeking to control their behavior, attitudes, and/or opinions, resulting in spiritual sterility, loss of authenticity, and absence of intimacy.” Nancy Groom

18. Jn.6:38: For I have come down from heaven not to do My will but to do the will of Him who sent Me

19. John 6:14-15: After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” 15 Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make Him king by force, worked even harder, never slept and tried to meet every need.

20. John 6:14-15: After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” 15 Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself.

21. How do you know you codependency is getting in the way of helping? When You are… *Working harder thanthe person that needs support

22. Codependencyis Driven byThe Agreement that IWill work harder on Your ProblemYour LifeThan you do.This is NOT love

24. How do you know your suffering with Codependency ? When You are… *Working harder thanthe person that needs support *Doing things for them that they could dothemselves *Burning out(Compassion fatigue) *Losing your joy *More and moreirritated or impatient with them

25. How do you know your suffering with Codependency ? When You are… *Dreading seeing them, but feel obligated to be with them (avoiding them) *Finding that your moodis dependent on how the person is doing *Thinking about the person a lot, you worry and can’t sleep

26. Signs that codependency is flaring up? When You are… *Saying, “If I don’t do itthey won’t be able to…” *Giving unsolicited advice *Being controlling or feeling controlledby others

27. How do you know your suffering with Codependency ? When You are… *Rescuing (Messiah Complex) *Unable to say “No” *Feelingguilty that you aren’t doing enough

28. Steps to take to overcome Codependency • Only do what you can do (no promises) This includes saying “no” 2. Know your limitations (refer out) 3. Take care of Yourself

29. What Steps to take to overcome CODA 4. Be honest about what you can do 5. Listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice 6. Put the responsibility on them

30. What Steps to take to overcome CODA 7. Establish boundaries a. What times they can call or how often b. What you can do for them and how often c. Only do those things that are healthy for both of you

31. Proverbs 19:3: A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord.

32. “You’re lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me”

33. Wilkerson Wisdom

34. 3 R’s • Recognize our hurts • Reframe our hang-ups • Replace our habits

35. Codependence: When your FEELINGS are dependent upon another person's feelings

36. Many codependents believe their happiness depends upon another person, a relationship, or finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. That focuses your thinking and behavior around someone you can’t control. This is codependency.

37. You react to something external, rather than your internal cues. Addicts are codependent, too. Their lives revolve around their addiction – be it food, work, drugs, or sex.

39. Difference between secular and Biblical Counseling? *Seculardoesn’t have an opinion or direction; it’s what the client feels, wants and thinks. There is no confrontation in anyway. * Biblical is directive, however, listens and steers people back to the truth and how that will help them (there is a foundation)