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Cooling the Boiling Point : Understanding Managing Anger from a Bystander s Perspective

Objectives. Articulate the differences between the healthy response of anger and unhealthy expression of anger.

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Cooling the Boiling Point : Understanding Managing Anger from a Bystander s Perspective

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    1. “Cooling the Boiling Point”: Understanding & Managing Anger from a Bystander’s Perspective Kelli Moran-Miller, Ph.D. Virginia Tech

    2. Objectives Articulate the differences between the healthy response of anger and unhealthy expression of anger.  Identify three strategies to manage anger. List the range of appropriate bystander responses to unhealthy expressions of anger.

    3. What is anger? Normal, healthy human emotion accompanied by biological and physiological changes What changes do you notice? heart rate, blood pressure, hormones

    4. What are other feelings people may have when they act angry? Stress Disappointment Hurt Insecurity Shame or Embarrassment Fear Resentment

    5. Agree/Disagree/Unsure Anger can be a good thing. Using anger to get 'pumped up' makes it hard to turn it off away from sport.

    6. How do we become angry? www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9kgG7gS3_M www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvEobeNfGcc

    7. Anger vs. Aggression Emotional state vs. actual behavior

    8. Anger Can Lead to Aggression THOUGHTS: We experience a perceived threat (external) OR worry/brood about perceived threat (internal) Someone insults your or your team’s performance FEELINGS: We become agitated, conclude we’re being harmed, and have a right to be angry. BEHAVIOR: We impulsively act

    9. Steps for “Cooling the Boiling Point” Change our thoughts: Challenge unhelpful explanations & identify alternatives Have empathy Take the ego out Don’t take things personally Least invested has all the power Consider all reasons

    10. Steps for “Cooling the Boiling Point” Change our feelings: Recognize emotions building up Consciously choose to calm down Use deep relaxation breathing Hold breath for 20 seconds Take a time out

    11. Steps for “Cooling the Boiling Point” Change our behavior: Plan ways to address the issue. Respond vs. reacting angrily Difference between attaining goal & winning argument What will be better in the long run? Is it worth it?

    12. Steps for “Cooling the Boiling Point” Change our behavior: Practice acceptance. Separate the Actor from the Action Accept the situation (“Rain on your wedding day”) Acceptance ? healthy emotions ? change Failure to Accept ? unhealthy emotions ? prolonged pain

    14. What is a bystander? Have there been times when you could have intervened in a heated situation and didn’t? Why? None of my business Felt it would be unsafe Didn’t know what to do I was angry, too Didn’t think about possible consequences Others?

    15. Bystanders Do bystanders have power? How? High school fight analogy What happens around them? What chance does either have to say they don’t want to fight? What will they be called if they try to get out of it? Why focus on bystanders? Power to escalate or to de-escalate

    16. What’s a bystander to do? 3 Ds (Step Up!) Diffuse Distract Depart Diffuse: Shannon’s story; Distract: pull the fire alarm; Depart: get your buddy and go. Diffuse: Shannon’s story; Distract: pull the fire alarm; Depart: get your buddy and go.

    17. Group Work What is your responsibility in the situation? What might you be thinking? What could you do to help – diffuse, distract, depart. What would the wisest person you know choose to do in this situation? What advice would you give? Groups of 3 to 6, multiple groups for each scenario. Groups of 3 to 6, multiple groups for each scenario.

    18. Scenario 1 You and a few teammates are at a party when someone begins insulting you (for being athletes, for a team’s performance, etc.) Despite everyone’s best effort to ignore these obnoxious comments, you can see one of your teammates is becoming more and more irritated. He has a history of losing his temper. What do you do?

    19. Scenario 2 A teammate of yours gets elbowed during a game by an opponent. She retaliates by pushing the person who elbowed her. The ref only sees the second foul and ejects your teammate. You hear another teammate say to the person – “Don’t worry – we’ll take care of them.” You know the intent is “pay back”. What do you do?

    20. Scenario 4 A teammate of yours was berated and embarrassed by your coach in practice in front of the entire team. That night he arrives at a party and appears to be looking for a fight. What do you do?

    22. References Handbook of Anger Management (Potter-Efron, 2005) Anger: How to Moderate Hot Buttons (Abrams & Hale, 2005) Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You (APA, 2008) MVP (Mentors in Violence Prevention) www.stepupprogram.org for scenarios

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