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Interpersonal Climate. Interpersonal climate is the overall feeling, or emotional mood between people. It is the dominant feeling between people who are involved with each other. It is the foundation of personal relationships. Elements of Satisfying Personal Relationships. Investment
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Interpersonal Climate • Interpersonal climate is the overall feeling, or emotional mood between people. • It is the dominant feeling between people who are involved with each other. • It is the foundation of personal relationships.
Elements of Satisfying Personal Relationships • Investment • We invest time, energy, thought, and feelings into interaction. • The happiest couples believe they invest equally—investing more than a partner makes us resentful. • Commitment • A decision to stay with a relationship
Elements of Satisfying Personal Relationships • Trust • Believing in another’s reliability and emotionally relying on another to care about and protect our welfare • Self-disclosure—revealing personal information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover in other ways • Comfort with relational dialectics
Self-Disclosure When Appropriate • Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you. • Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk. • Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually. • Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships. • Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated.
Benefits May increase trust May increase closeness May enhance self-esteem May increase security May enhance self-growth Risks Others may reject us Others may think less of us Others may violate our confidences Self-Disclosing
Relational Dialectics Connection/Autonomy I want to be close.I need my own space. Predictability/Novelty I like the familiar We need to do rhythms we have.something new. Openness/Closedness I like sharing so There are some much with you. things I don’t want to talk about.
Responding to Dialectics • Neutralization negotiates a balance between the two poles. • Give priority to one need and neglect the other. • Separate by assigning one need to certain interactions and opposing needs to another aspect of interaction. • Reframe by redefining contradictory needs as not in opposition. In general the least effective way to manage dialectics is to honor one need and repress the opposing one.
The Gift of Confirmation “You matter to me.” Recognize Acknowledge Endorse Basic requirements for healthy communication!
Continuum of Interpersonal Climates Confirming Climate Mixed Climate Cycling Climate Disconfirming Climate
Nurture relationships through supportive not defensive communication Defensiveness – a negative feeling or behavior that results when a person feels threatened
Supportive Communication Defensive Communication • Evaluation • Description • Certainty • Provisionalism • Strategy • Spontaneity • Control • Problem orientation • Neutrality • Empathy • Superiority • Equality
Ethnocentrism is a form of certainty communication where we assume that our culture and its norms are the only right ones.
The word “strategy” in a relationship makes some people uncomfortable. Why? Is spontaneity necessary for intimacy?
Guidelines for Creating and Sustaining Healthy Climates • Communicate in a way that actively enhances the mood of a relationship. • Accept and confirm others. • Affirm and assert yourself. • Self-disclose when appropriate. • Respect diversity in relationships. • Respond to others’ criticism constructively.
Johari Window Notknown to self Known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others
Affirm and Assert Yourself • Assertion is a matter of clearly and nonjudgmentally stating what you feel, need, or want. • Aggression involves putting your needs above those of others. • Deference involves putting others needs ahead of yours. It is as important to affirm and accept yourself as to do that for others.
Respond to Others’ Criticism Constructively • Seek more information. • Consider the criticism thoughtfully. • Is it valid? • If you do not believe the criticism is accurate offer your own interpretation. • If it is valid, how do you want to change? • Thank the person who offered the criticism.