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Criticism how to respond & how to cope

Criticism how to respond & how to cope. David Craigie Chartered Psychologist September 2013. Overview. How do we respond when criticised? Why do others criticise? Invited vs Uninvited criticism What is our conflict style? The psychology of our responses Resilience tips. Criticism.

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Criticism how to respond & how to cope

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  1. Criticismhow to respond& how to cope David Craigie Chartered Psychologist September 2013

  2. Overview • How do we respond when criticised? • Why do others criticise? • Invited vs Uninvited criticism • What is our conflict style? • The psychology of our responses • Resilience tips

  3. Criticism How do you respond when criticised?

  4. The “tennis” approach

  5. The “kitchen roll” method

  6. The “Sponge” approach

  7. Why do people criticise? • Intellectual disagreement (perhaps lacking emotional awareness) • Something irritates (e.g. value clash) • Fear/Anxiety • Feel unheard • Feel better about self by putting others down

  8. The context of criticism Latin: criticus Greek: Kritikós “to judge” “to evaluate” “to analyse” “to discern” “The Critic” Tihanyi L. 1916

  9. Invited Criticism • When seeking feedback, criticism can be invited and welcomed • Criticism can be constructive and positive “Plans fail for lack of counsel,but with many advisors they succeed. A person finds joy in giving an apt reply –and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:22-23)

  10. Uninvited Criticism • Uninvited criticism hits us unexpectedly • Unexpected events usually encounter our emotions first and our rational mind later • How do you interpret the criticism? • Has your adrenaline system been activated?

  11. Top Tips • Provide regular opportunity for people to give “invited feedback” • Seek out views and opinions with sincerity (not just to boost our self esteem!) • Use “If – Then” planning strategies

  12. Understanding Conflict Styles • Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) Unassertive………………….……………Assertive Uncooperative………………….……………Cooperative

  13. The 5 conflict handling modes

  14. Conflict style and criticism • When faced with criticism, our conflict styles can reveal much about how we deal with it… • Competers? • Collaborators? • Compromisers? • Avoiders? • Accommodators?

  15. A psychological model External event (trigger) Unspoken rule activated Emotional response Thoughts Behaviours Physical Symptoms

  16. The impact of rules E.g. “I must always make people happy” • The accommodating style? • But what happens if… • Someone is upset by something I say? • Someone disagrees with my decision? • I accidentally offend someone? • Someone is suffering from depression? • Someone is grieving?

  17. Conclusions Tips for developing resilience: • Look after your physical/mental health • Challenge your initial interpretation • Get advice from trusted friends/colleagues • Invite constructive comments • Be prepared with If – Then strategies • Seek out Professional Coaching

  18. Questions & Helpful Hints david@craigiepartnership.co.uk www.craigiepartnership.co.uk www.edinburghcoachingservices.co.uk www.businessmattersedinburgh.com

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