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Parenting Coordinators and Parent Educators for Divorce

Parenting Coordinators and Parent Educators for Divorce. Steve Nisenbaum, Ph.D.,J.D. Crown Point Office Center 76 Summer Street, Suite 35 Fitchburg, MA 01420 snisenbaum@partners.org. Defining “Parenting Coordinator”.

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Parenting Coordinators and Parent Educators for Divorce

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  1. Parenting Coordinators and Parent Educators for Divorce Steve Nisenbaum, Ph.D.,J.D. Crown Point Office Center 76 Summer Street, Suite 35 Fitchburg, MA 01420 snisenbaum@partners.org

  2. Defining “Parenting Coordinator” A neutral facilitator who assists separated and/or divorced parents: a) to resolve disputed child-related parenting issues, and b) to develop and implement safe and workable parenting plans

  3. Key Issues • Qualifications? • Authority, scope of mission, duration? • Prior consent? Risk management? • Confidentiality and privilege? • Source of data and Direct contact • Clinical responsibilities to evaluate, treat or refer, mandated reporting? • Drafting written plan or submitting report? • Facilitate negotiation vs. decisionmaking?

  4. Potential Advantages • Sense of involvement • Simplicity, user-friendly, informal procedures • Enhanced satisfaction and control • More voluntary, then improved compliance • Reduced conflict, improved communication • Role modeling and acquired parenting skills • Low cost (time money), high convenience • Face-saving, nonprejudicial

  5. When Does It Work Best? • Parties really want resolution (change) • All stakes and stakeholders considered • Parties able to express distress • PC able to sustain process • Parties able to live up to agreements

  6. PC Methods • Facilitate parties discussing, articulating grievances/needs, venting, being heard • Analyzing, packaging, problem-solving • Educating, referring • Negotiating, mediating, decisionmaking • Plan-building, implementing, monitoring • Shuttle and direct diplomacy, drafting written Parenting Plan

  7. Disadvantages of Parent Negotiated Plans • No penalty for lying • Emotions may block rational decisions • Parents may really want public justification or revenge • Power imbalance may force loss of objectivity/neutrality • Special deficits may be difficult to address (retardation, brain damage, severe character disorder or mental illness)

  8. Basic Elements of PC Service • Informed consent • Confidentiality (before, during, after) as promised • Neutrality • Acceptability, voluntariness • Stages in formal session negotiated approach (pre-meeting, releases and contract, opening session, issue- and interest-identification, generating options, encouraging, breaking impasse, assessing, creating doubt, BATNA, WATNA, caucusing, proposals, validating, modeling, recording agreement, drafting, signing and concluding, leaving door open)

  9. Negotiation Strategies • Ground rules • Agreed common goals • Neutrals • Recalling past agreement • Not labeling • Setting agenda, time, coverage • Careful wording (active listening, “I” statements and information-giving, identifying bothersome) • Look to future while learn from past • Handling backsliding, meeting conduct, expecting success

  10. Support Tactics • Willingness to listen and realistic appraisal • Recognition of strengths • Accepting story without reinforcing or agreeing to maintain neutrality • Active listening • Noting patterns • Summarizing

  11. Breaking Impasse • Setting aside • Re-establishing trust • BATNA and WATNA • Playing to Strengths • Expanding Options • Power Balancing (mediators, Attorneys, therapy, caucusing, high structure parenting plan) • Getting help

  12. Keys to Success • Conflict-reduction strategies • Characteristics of good written agreement (basics, enforceability, dispute prevention and response)

  13. Common Elements • Preamble and purposes • Standards of mutual conduct • Defining respective responsibilities and authority • Terms (child surnames; religion; education; access to records; child activities; communications re school; extended family; medical; insurance; childcare arrangements; time spent – weekly, vacations, holidays; visit refusal; telephone calls; cancels and no-shows; transportation; residence; relocation; household rules, values, discipline; significant others; finances; taxes; periodic review; illness and catastrophe; requests and advanced notice; changed circumstances; sanctions, future disputes)

  14. Parent Education Programs • 44 States now have some forms of Parent Education programs • Regional or Statewide, • Voluntary, recommended, or mandated • Statutory or by Court rule • General vs. specialized curriculum (e.g., domestic violence, substance abuse, language/culture) • General vs. specifically required (e.g., high conflict cases, nonmarried parents) • Tuition-Free or Paid

  15. Some Key Variables • Ever married, lived together or not? • First marriage or subsequent? How long? • Blended family? New Significant Other? • Absent or uninvolved parent? Why? • Amicable vs. contentious – marriage, post marriage? • Age at marriage? Age at Children? • Age of children? Number? Range of ages? • Currently separated and how long? • Parent special issues? E.g., domestic violence, substance abuse, language/cultural, deficient skills, restraining orders • Child special needs? • Visitation refusal? Parental alienation? Supervised visits? • Relocation? • Grandparents and extended family? • Either or both parents Pro Se or Attorney-represented?

  16. Common Stated Goals in Parent Education Curricula • Increase knowledge of effects of divorce on children • Reduce exposure to ongoing conflict on children • Enhance parental communication skills, cooperation, decisionmaking • Facilitating post-divorce adjustment of child • Improve parenting skills • Prevent behavioral problems for children • Decrease complaints to Courts • Increase understanding of court procedures

  17. Most Common Content Areas • Children’s reactions and adjustments to divorce • Responding to children’s reactions to divorce • Stages of divorce (adults, children) • Co-parenting communication skills • Parents’ reactions and adjustment

  18. Most Common Content Areas (Continued) • Cooperative and parallel parenting • Referrals to services and materials • Custody and visitation • Parenting plans

  19. Parent Education Formats – in vivo, video, online, and Samples • GRASP (General Responsibilities As Separating Parents • SMILE (Start Making It Livable for Everyone) • Parents Apart • Positive Parenting Through Divorce • KidCare

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