PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

1. PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION AND DIVORCE Learning to be the best parent you can be to your children

2. Sponsored byJoan T. Kloth-ZanardExecutive Director/FounderofPAS Intervention &Kloth Consulting PAS Intervention is a Federally Tax-Exempt Charitable Organization approved for tax deductible contributions under Sec. 501(c)(3) of the IRS www.PAS-Intervention.com 203-770-0318 cell/office Info@PAS-Intervention.com PASIntervention@aol.com www.KlothConsulting.com Info@KlothConsulting.com

3. Perfect Parent?Is there really such a thing? There is no such thing as a Perfect Parent. There is not even book written about being the perfect parent. Why? Because every family, every person, every situation is different and thus parenting is a learning experience.

4. If you find that…. • Sometimes we do not realize that we are doing things that really are detrimental to the kids because we are so numb from our own anger, hatred and rage that we cannot control it. • If any of these apply to you, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!

5. If you find that…. • Your anger toward your ex is eating you up- get counseling help to deal with this. • You are stuck in the anger stage of grief and this will only eat you up alive and make your physical, emotional and mental healthy deteriorate.

6. If you find that…. • You are trying to instill or influence your children using your anger, hatred and rage for your ex, STOP! • It is NOT okay to project your feelings and emotions on to the children or any other relative. • These are your emotions and feelings and should not be misconstrued as your children’s feelings or emotions. • Get help counseling help immediately.

7. If you find that…. • You cannot control your outburst about your ex especially in front of the children or other relatives, get help. • This means that you are unable to keep clear boundaries between what you feel and what others should feel. • It is a recipe for disaster for you and your children.

8. If you find that…. • Yourself telling the kids to lie about anything good your ex does or even creating lies about abuse, GET HELP! • This is an issue of you feeling completely out of control and trying to use every tactic you can think of to exact revenge and rage while trying to make sure that you harm your ex permanently. • This is inappropriate and warped thinking but worse is the damages it does to the children. • It permanently destroys the children’s life. • The children deep down know the allegations are false, no matter how you twist it, or they learn to recite your story, this will eat them up alive. • Children have their own emotions and feelings and you need to respect those boundaries, otherwise you risk destroying your child’s self-esteem and personal psyche

9. If you find that…. • You are determined to destroy the ex any which way you can, you are not teaching the children how to properly handle difficult situations • This will extend into their professional and personal lives. • In fact, the children never learn what a normal good relationship looks or even is and thus will never make appropriate mate or friend choices.

10. If you find that…. • If you feel the urge to denigrate your ex to the kids and any other relatives, STOP and get help. • You have a lack of impulse control over your anger and rage. • This will only harm the children permanently as you project your anger, rage and hatred through them to your ex. • You are putting them in the middle and making them have to choose. • Children should NOT have to choose which parent to love or even like and have a relationship. They deserve to have an equal relationship with both parents.

11. If you find that…. • If you find yourself impeding visitation with the other parent, including scheduling things for the kids during the other parents time, refusing them the kids, telling the kids they do not need to see their other parent, STOP IMMEDIATELY. • Start instead to look at this as a positive thing • It give you free time for yourself.

12. If you find that…. • If you are looking at the other parents time as being bad because the kids might have more fun and you will loose them, GET HELP immediately. • This is NOT healthy behavior and thought patterns for anyone involved.

13. If you find that…. • You will do anything to keep the kids from loving the other parent, STOP IMMEDIATELY! • When you destroy the children psychologically, you increase the odds of depression, which leads to self-destruction in the form of: • poor choices • Bad Relationships • substance abuse • suicide

14. If you truly love your child(ren).. • You would NOT want them to feel the same pain, hurt, anger and rage you feel all day long. • You would want them to move forward in a positive way • You would want them to have healthy relationships • You would want them to have fun in their life without having to worry about you not loving them if they love the other parent too.

15. So learn how to.. • Co-parent • Get help if you cannot respect the boundaries and borders between your and your kids • Move forward in a positive way in your life so the kids have a positive role model • Learn how to share the children for the children’s sake • Be a superhero to your family and everyone else around them

16. Sponsored byJoan T. Kloth-ZanardExecutive Director/FounderofPAS Intervention &Kloth Consulting PAS Intervention is a Federally Tax-Exempt Charitable Organization approved for tax deductible contributions under Sec. 501(c)(3) of the IRS www.PAS-Intervention.com 203-770-0318 cell/office Info@PAS-Intervention.com PASIntervention@aol.com www.KlothConsulting.com Info@KlothConsulting.com