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HAPPIER:

HAPPIER:. Developing a personal formula for contentment in the face of adversity. Scott M. Bea, Psy.D. Cleveland Clinic. The Culture of Abundance. We have more than any culture in history Are we appreciative? Are we celebrating abundance? Or still wanting more…..

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HAPPIER:

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  1. HAPPIER: Developing a personal formula for contentment in the face of adversity. Scott M. Bea, Psy.D. Cleveland Clinic

  2. The Culture of Abundance • We have more than any culture in history • Are we appreciative? • Are we celebrating abundance? • Or still wanting more….. • What if we are chronically ill? • At least you have your health…..

  3. We are Less Happy than in 1936 • Tail end of the depression • 1/3 of us using outhouses! • Huge upsurge in depression and anxiety • Advertising industry puts us on the Hedonic Treadmill • Legally Blind: I must be miserable and wanting a better life. (Prayers on the bus)

  4. The Complaint Orientation • Characterizes 70% of American conversations • “This bus smells like urine!” • We fall prey to the Ziegarnik effect • We like to perceive “wholes” • We complain about missing components • “One of my pixels is glowing”

  5. “A Crisis is a Terrible Thing to Waste” • We have a choice to make… • Will I succumb and let this overtake me? • Will I profit from this experience? • Do I want to be the best or worst in adjusting to this? • Who likes a good complainer? • How will I grow from this? • Wantingness will not help.

  6. Reflection on Goal Attainment • Reflect on a couple of personal experiences where reaching a certain milestone did not bring the emotional payoff you expected. • This is where many think happiness resides. • But, the happiness is in the journey up the mountain • Florida Tech example

  7. We Can All Be Happier • Happiness is rarely the direct target • Rather, happiness thru money, power, status, admiration, sex, love • Perhaps, happiness must be cultivated • We postpone happiness until graduation, career, marriage, children (leaving), retire.. • Happiness gap between men & women and it is growing

  8. Happiness Rituals • Human rituals are difficult to start but easy to maintain and they reduce tension! • Hygiene rituals, athletic rituals, spiritual rituals. • Rituals can be built. • What rituals make you happy? • Exercise, meditating, reading, movies, a standing date, guitar playing. • Initiate 1 or 2 at a time.

  9. Giving Away Our Cookies • The altruism of young children • “Here’s a dollar for the bus”! • You cannot blow giving a gift. • We can sure blow how we receive a gift! • Our gifts: time, energy, attention, admiration

  10. Prosocial behaviors • The wisdom of the ages • Gets our mind off of ourselves and our worries. • A cure for depression • If there is any happiness in the world it comes my desiring others to be happy… • Compensation comes from being in the energy field of giving • Praise 16:1 plus positive activation of the striatum • How about prosocial ritual development!

  11. The Helpers High • Functional MRI’s show that the mesolimbic pathway lights up when we make charitable donations. • Helping behavior releases dopamine, seratonin, and oxytosin • Oxytosin leads to feelings of compassion and tranquility • Increased energy, warmth, calmness, self-worth, and fewer aches and pains. • Young children know this

  12. Happiness Barriers:Egos and Early Injuries • Originally, we are pristine, uncontaminated • External influences (parents, teachers, clerics, etc.) convince us that there is something wrong with us. • We cannot defend ourselves from this • The ego emerges—always wanting, needing to prove itself (pride vs. humility) • “The Wizard of Oz” • Come back to your “giving self”

  13. Happiness: a process, not a destination • Goal-attainment is the destination. • At times, there are wide gaps between attained goals. • Consistent loving, giving action is the process • “The gettin’ is in the givin’.” • This is the Wisdom of the Ages

  14. Becoming Happier • Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on the way to a destination we deem valuable. • Happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak. • Happiness is the highest end point.

  15. Expressing Gratitude: A happiness ritual • A gratitude journal • Daily: 5 things we are grateful for • This leads to better physical and emotional well being. • Do this before bedtime and you will rest better and have better dreams. • Let this be a ritual until it becomes you. • Express gratitude verbally to others and watch its effect in your life.

  16. Mindfulness: be Here Now • The only valid experience is in the now. • This awareness reduces tension. • Practice “present-moment awareness” • All 5 senses, “I am seeing, smelling, tasting…

  17. Getting Connected • Active listening • Content + emotion • Give away your cookies • Time • Interest • Effort • Don’t look for the reciprocity. • Giving has its own reward

  18. Trust Your Early Experience • Practice noticing what is “right” about you. • Comment admiringly on the “rightness” of others • Do it at a 16:1 ratio • Take command of your biochemistry and give away your cookies. • Want the life you have! • My gratitude ritual:Thanks!

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