De feminizing The Church

1. De feminizing The Church WILL THIS ENCOURAGE MORE MEN TO ATTEND CHURCH?

2. Presented by: Reginald WilliamsonPresentation designed by :Paul Davis

3. A great deal of discussion in this 21st Century has been around this topic: • The Feminization of the ChurchWhy Its Music, Messages and Ministries Are Driving Men Away.

4. This is an interesting topic to me because I often wonder why the majority of people in church are women. • Is it because our population consists of more men than women? • Is there something in the church culture driving men away? • Or is it just part of the ebb and flow that we find ourselves in at times?

5. Should we just appreciate any help or leadership we get in church ministry, whether it be more men or more women? • Today’s discussion will center around the answer to these questions

6. Let’s briefly explore some ways that many say our Church’s are too feminine and what can or has been done to de feminize them. • Then let’s explore whether these “remedies” has or will lead toward the attendance of more men to our churches.

7. The Argument: • “Almost everything about today’s church— • its teaching style, • its ministries, • the way people are expected to behave, • even today’s popular images of Jesus • —is designed to meet the needs and expectations of a largely female audience.

8. Church is sweet and sentimental, nurturing, and nice. • Women thrive in this environment. • In modern parlance, women are the target audience of today’s church.”

9. Many worry that a female-dominated church has turned Jesus into that wonderful man who appeals only to the ladies. • A chick-flick atmosphere prevails on Sunday mornings, complete with flowers, ferns and soft music, all geared toward women's desires for safety, security and harmonious relationships.

10. Some believe the feminization of the church reflects a feminization of the larger culture. • “Our whole society has tended to deprive men of their biblical and creational strengths and empower women,”… • As a result, many people think of church only as a nurturing place that addresses personal needs. • Think: sitting in circles, sharing feelings, holding hands, singing softly, comforting members.

11. Feminized music • An example of the feminization of the church is its music. • Typical praise songs refer to Jesus as a Christian’s lover and praise his beauty and tenderness.

12. Rarely do they praise his justice or strength, or refer to him as the head of an army leading his church into spiritual battle, like “Onward Christian Soldiers.” • “There’s definitely a trend toward a more intimate music style, like the music from the Vineyard,”

13. The praise and worship music of the mega-churches, which passes for contemporary, is too soft and romantic to appeal to men-and so are the lyrics. • If your worship music implies that Jesus is your boyfriend, don't be surprised when more women than men show up for church, no matter how "mega" the event may be.

14. Now, I'm not saying that there doesn't need to be a balance of lyrical content, but is it unmasculine for a man to shut his eyes and raise his hands in the air in worship to God? And if worship music begins to be replaced by certain imagery, than is this movement of masculinity going to be all about warriors and fighting?

15. Another example of feminization is a lack of ministries for men. • Women have • Bible studies, • prayer groups, • support groups, • teas, • and retreats • and, of course, children have a plethora of programs.

16. The church provides a list of jobs that no real man would want to do, while the women delight in roles such as • nursery care provider, • prayer minister, • baker • and teacher.

17. Even professionals who join church committees, like a building or finance committee, often complain that the skills they contribute to the corporate world — like taking risks, making hard decisions, and thinking outside the box — aren’t welcome in many churches, whose governing boards tend to play it safe. • As a result, less gets accomplished, which can be frustrating to men who are results-driven.

18. For example, some businessmen might suggest that a church cut an ineffective program that is costing time and money and replace it with a more effective one. • But inefficient programs often remain because a more feminine value — of not hurting people’s feelings — wins out.

19. Now! The implication seems to be that women run more inefficient programs because of their feminine value of not wanting to hurt other people's feelings. • As opposed to men I suppose who don't care about the feelings of others at all. • Oh, and maybe the church isn't supposed to be run like the corporations men work in during the week. • Maybe part of the problem of the church is that it has succumbed to the American corporate business model for its operation.

20. But some churches offer only an annual retreat for men. • Yet, this is the opposite of the way Jesus did ministry, according to some. • They say Jesus focused on men, knowing that women and children would follow.

21. When men can’t contribute, they feel worthless, according to Gentry Gardner (’83), the founder of Sure Passage, a men’s ministry in Colorado Springs, Colo. • “Once they feel discouraged, they pull back and disconnect,” he said.

22. Touchy-Feely Sermons • Another turn-off for men is touchy-feely sermons. • The modern church stresses emotions and inner spiritual experiences while neglecting the intellectual side of the faith. • “The more traditionally masculine side of Christianity enjoys crossing swords with hostile secular worldviews. • So, as long as Christianity appeals to the emotional, therapeutic, interpersonal, relational areas, it’s not going to appeal to men as much as to women”.

23. Churches should engage men’s intellects to help them see the relevance of Christianity to the “real” world of politics, industry and business. • “We have to recover the notion that Christianity is true on all levels, not just for your emotional life or repairing relationships, as important as those things are”.

24. Additionally, the average church service is just too wordy for the average guy, who is longing for the visual stimulation he gets at action movies. • "Women speak 20,000 to 25,000 words a day, while a typical man speaks just 7,000 to 10,000. • Women love to talk. • If you doubt this, hang around after the church service."

25. Yet, much of the church is seeking further feminization, through attempts to increase female clergy and to create gender-neutral Bibles and hymns. Many liberal seminaries now graduate equal numbers of women and men, or more women than men, like Yale Divinity School and Harvard Divinity School. • Many believe the feminist movement in mainline churches has contributed to the decline in male membership.

26. Really! now that seems like a sexist comment. • But I didn't know that cooking, teaching children, working in the nursery and hospitality were only gifts given to women. • What seems to underlie a lot of the argument is that men...not all, but some...are uncomfortable with some of the shifting of roles in society, and they aren't quite sure what to do about it. Maybe it's not the lyrics or the music or the preaching. Maybe it is something larger. And it's not only men that are uncomfortable with some of this role-shifting in culture, but many women as well.

27. Restoring Balance • Churches that seek to reverse this feminization might face opposition. • But many believe a masculine spirit will bring men, and gender balance, to the church.

28. “Once you start attracting a man’s full heart, soul, mind and strength — and he sees that there are ways he can use all those in the church — then we’re going to start seeing a turnaround of the absent man”. • Or will we?

29. Consequently, many will say this: • Bottom line: if you want a healthy church for the long term, attract men. • This was Jesus’ strategy. It still works today. • There are many proven principles for creating a man-friendly church. • Here are seven of them:

30. Cultivate a healthy masculine spirit in your church. Principle one:

31. A man must sense, from the moment he walks in, that church is not just for Grandma, it’s something for him. It can’t feel like a ladies’ club. • The quilted banners, fresh flowers, and boxes of Kleenex in our sanctuaries make a statement. • So do practices such as holding hands with your neighbor, “prayer and share” times, or highly emotional displays. • Our goal is not to get men to cry; it’s to get them walking with God, however that may look.

32. Make men feel needed and wanted. Principle two:

33. Encourage men to use their gifts, even if they don’t fit traditional models of Christian service. • Encourage them to serve the poor by working on cars or fixing up houses. Let men plan adventures and do “guy things” together.

34. One way some churches involves men is through an automotive ministry that takes donated vehicles, fixes them, and gives them to single mothers and the working poor. A side benefit is that men develop friendships with other men in the context of doing things together, which is more natural for them than sitting in a circle talking — the typical church format, according to Murrow. • Social justice ministries — that allow men to use their skills to help the weak and provide interaction with business and politics — are especially appealing to men. • Mission trips are exciting for many men in church because they offer challenge, adventure and specific goals: “like construction projects, where they can get their hands dirty and see a finished project in the end”.

35. Present Christ’s masculine side Principle three:

36. Pastors often focus on Jesus’ tenderness and empathy. • This is a good thing, but presenting soft Jesus week after week runs the risk of turning men off. • What man wants to follow Mr. Rogers? • Even more bewildering are today’s praise songs – many of which feature lovey-dovey lyrics set to a romantic tune. • Guys may feel unnatural singing romantic words to another man. Men want a leader, not a love object.

37. Avoid feminine terminology. Principle four:

38. Christian men use terms such as precious, share, and relationship -- words you’d never hear on the lips of a typical man. • We talk a lot about the saved and the lost; men don’t want to be either. • And here’s a term that puzzles a lot of guys: a personal relationship with Jesus. • Christ’s bold, masculine command, “Follow Me!” is now, “Have a relationship with Me.” • We’ve recast Jesus’ offer in feminine terms.

39. Preach shorter sermons. Principle five:

40. I know pastors will hate this principle, but men say that “long, boring sermons” are the #1 reason they avoid church. • Thanks to TV, today’s men have an attention span of six to eight minutes. Why not use this to your advantage? • Break your sermon into six- to eight-minute segments with a song, drama, video clip, or object lesson in between. • Remember, Jesus’ most beloved lessons were his parables, none of which takes more than two minutes to teach. • His parables survive today because men remembered them.

41. Become students of men. Principle six:

42. Although most pastors are male, few truly understand men. • Women keep the ministry machine going, so pastors focus on keeping females happy and volunteering. • This must change. • I challenge every pastor in America to study men. • A good place to start: read John Eldredge’s bestseller, Wild at Heart.

43. Create a culture of person-to-person challenge. Principle seven:

44. In many a church, the pastor challenges from the pulpit, but the people don’t challenge each other. • Person-to-person discipleship, in small teams, is the only way to bring men to maturity in Christ. • Where do you start? • Choose a handful of men and personally disciple them, with the understanding that each man will recruit his own small group after one year. • Continue to disciple these men as they become disciples of others. • This is the model Jesus left us, and it is awakening men in churches across the nation.

45. Many others do not agree with some of the conclusions that are being discussed, nor do they think that the answer for the church is to dress it up in military language and garb in an attempt to strike a better gender balance. • And maybe the problem is not with the church, but with us as men in general. • Maybe we as men need to learn how to be men in the church today, and not grasp for old stereotypes of what we think masculinity is supposed to be in the church. • As the roles of men and women shift in both society and the church it is going to take time and some periods of wrestling out what the church looks like. • There is no easy answer and there is no cookie cutter solutions.

46. And I think that if the church is truly going to be the Church, it is going to need both the gifts of men and women. It is going to need both men and women using the gifts that the Holy Spirit has given them. And whether the church has more men or more women does not matter. What matters is that God is using both men and women to accomplish His work, in the Church and here on earth.

47. The implied message of some is that there is one way of being a man of God-and as for the girly men who don't join the party, they're just wimps who carry their wives' purses to a church where they don't want to be. • Historically, when Christians have taken a stand involving risk, their toughest challenge has been to struggle against the cultural corruption of the church-surely the opposite of making the church more palatable to a B-movie culture.

48. It's an argument that insults the women of the church far less than it does the men. • Surely there are ways of being a godly man that do not involve kicking _____. • The cross stands out as one.

49. Both modes are essential for the Church to function optimally, just as both a man and a woman are essential for a family to function optimally.It's how God designed us.

50. After all, in the beginning there was Adam and Eve. It was "not good" that man should be alone, and it also is not good that woman should be alone.