John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. john.sf@mso.umt johnsommersflanagan

1. Working Effectively with Students with Emotional, Behavioral, and Social Challenges in the Classroom. . . In Five Easy Steps John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D.john.sf@mso.umt.edujohnsommersflanagan.com

2. Intro • Let’s Get Straight on Several Things • Screwed up . . . • Support, pay, criticize, class size • If I were running for public office: Econ, Env, Just • Your SCs asked me . . . hahaha • Three days later . . . • But reality is what it is . . . and so we have • One hour

3. Workshop Overview • Focus in on what it takes to work effectively with challenging students (and parents) • We’ll cover: • Some stories • Two big models that might help • Specific strategies and techniques • What to do when nothing is working • Caveats and excuses

4. What We Need Today • Openness to Learning • Commitment to being Respectful

5. And Remember • This is YOUR workshop • Your input and comments are welcome, not mandatory

6. Step 1 – Use Your Common Wisdom • The Portland VA Hospital – 1984 • Use your personal wisdom and common relationship sense • Avoid backing people into corners • Avoid being too bossy or insulting • Avoid telling people they’re being stupid or silly • Let others be RIGHT sometimes • And do your best to NOT live by the Satanic Golden Rule

7. Step 2 – Focus on Your Goals • Eight Warts • We must focus LIKE A LASER on our goals and amazing things can happen

8. Children Need Great Teachers

9. Yep: Even Angry and Defiant Teens

10. Why Teens Misbehave • Hungry, tired, sick • Attention • Power and control • Revenge (anger) • To display inadequacy • What Two Things Do Students Need to Mitigate these Problems? • To belong • To feel useful and important

11. Instant Reflection • What did I do to start our time together today? • How did it feel? • The whole point was to communicate to you that • I VALUE YOU . . . • YOU BELONG HERE . . . • YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT . . .

12. Step 3 – Work to Help Your Students Experience Belonging and Usefulness • Find your own way to start every day with a communication to your students • I VALUE YOU . . . • YOU BELONG HERE . . . • YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT . . . • And repeat this throughout the day • With every bit of genuineness you can muster

13. Step 4 – Avoid Backward Behavior Modification: Use Passionate Rewards and Boring Consequences • It’s natural—BUT NOT HELPFUL—to pay too much attention to undesirable behaviors • It’s natural—BUT NOT HELPFUL—to ignore desirable or positive behaviors • The Solution • Use passionate rewards and boring consequences • Bulging veins story

14. Step 5 – Know Strategies to Influence • Direct Power • Indirect Power • Problem-Solving Power • Relationship Power

15. Direct Power • MBI • Use Grandma’s Rule – “When you, then you” • Use Compassionate or Empathic Limit-Setting (do this calmly) • Give a choice: You can sit down or go see the principal – you choose. • Set the limit – By asking the student: “What will happen if . . .?” • Set the limit – By stating it yourself

16. Indirect Power • Use radical validation: “Of course you’re angry. This is the kind of situation that could make anyone angry.” And show empathy or acknowledge the feelings: “This situation is clearly very upsetting to you.” • Use character feedback • Use the seven magic Choice Theory words

17. The Seven Magic CT Words • Sometimes you need to lay down the law • But if you do that too much, or have a strong-willed student, you may elicit resistance • Try using these words: I want you . . . but it’s your choice • You can use way more than seven words • And they’re not really magic, but “I want you” is very powerful

18. Problem-Solving Power • What do you want? • What are you doing? • How is it working? • Should you make a new plan? • You have to follow the rules, but how can we work this out? • What do you need to do to be successful today? • Encourage positive outcomes: “I think you can succeed with this.”

19. Relationship Power • Give messages of belonging and being useful and caring • Show yourself as compassionate and committed • Create a respect bubble

20. Step 6 – Make a Plan • Math book story • Whispering and plans (be proactive)

21. Summary Step 1: Use your common wisdom Step 2: Focus like a laser on your goals Step 3: Work to help your students experience belonging and usefulness Step 4: Avoid backward behavior modification: use passionate rewards and boring consequences Step 5: Know strategies to influence Step 6: Make a plan

22. Concluding Comments • And if nothing works?? • “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood” • What will you remember? • What strategies could you start using right away?

23. For Free Tip Sheets and Other Cool Stuff go to: • johnsommersflanagan.com • And be sure to watch (and listen) for the Montana Parenting Podcast Project . . . Which will hit the internet in a couple weeks