Argumentativeness and Verbal Aggressiveness

1. Argumentativeness and Verbal Aggressiveness Two orientations toward arguing

2. argumentativeness • Definition: “A predisposition to recognize controversial issues, advocate positions, and refute opposing positions” (Infante) • Is viewed as a personality trait • Is considered a subset of “assertiveness” • Is generally considered to be a positive, constructive trait

3. argumentativeness--continued • Assertiveness and argumentativeness are viewed as constructive predispositions • Assertiveness includes being forceful, firm, using reasoning to defend personal positions while refuting the positions of adversaries • Research has shown that “high argumentatives” are seen as more credible, eloquent, creative, and self-assured

4. argumentativeness--continued • High argumentatives • are willing to engage in argument • like to discuss controversial issues • initiate arguments, express disagreement • Low argumentatives • dislike arguing, shy away from conflict • withdraw from arguments • are reluctant to voice disagreement “I’m not yelling at you, I’m yelling with you.”

5. a happy medium is the key • The idea is to strike a balance • Don’t precipitate arguments needlessly • Don’t avoid arguments altogether. • One’s style of arguing should lie between the two extremes.

6. verbal aggressiveness • Definition: a predisposition to attack the self-concept of others • Is associated with name-calling, the use of threats, and ultimatums, negativity, resentment, and suspicion • is generally considered a negative, destructive form of communication

7. Four main causes of aggressiveness • Argumentative skill deficiency • Psychopathology (attacking for other unresolved issues) • Disdain (expressing hate through verbal attacks) • Social learning (modeling behavior) “I shall now poke a huge hole in your argument”

8. verbal aggressiveness--continued • Verbal aggressiveness is an assault on another’s self concept, rather than his/her position. • Individuals who rely on verbal aggressiveness are viewed as less credible, have less satisfying relationships, and resort to physical aggression more often.

9. more on verbal aggressiveness • Consequences of verbal aggression include: • lower self-concept, frustration, anxiety, anger, and resentment, embarrassment, physical aggression • verbal aggressiveness is viewed as a skill deficiency • an individual lacks the verbal skills required to deal with normal disagreements and everyday frustrations

10. types of verbal aggressiveness • name calling, insults, put-downs • character attacks, ridicule • racial epithets • threats, ultimatums • nonverbal aggression—rolling the eyes, gritting the teeth, looks of disdain • passive-aggressive behavior

11. caveats • The two traits are not inversely related (e.g. opposites). • an individual can be high in argumentativeness and high in verbal aggressiveness • Sex differences in the two traits • in general, males are more prone to argumentativeness than females • in general, males are more prone to verbal aggressiveness than females • Western culture bias in favor of argumentativeness

12. application to interpersonal communication Adaptable roommate Obstinate roommate High argumentatives 17.07 19.49 Moderate argumentatives 17.60 23.41 p < .01 Low argumentatives 16.81 22.03 p < .025

13. Avoid verbal aggressivess: don’t engage people who are known to be verbally aggressive—don’t be an “enabler” Example: I’m not going to argue with you unless we both have a chance to speak our minds and unless you refrain from insults.” Be polite: allow the other to speak without interruption, use a calm voice, practice empathy, allow opponent’s to save face Example: “I can understand why you are so upset. I would be too under the circumstances.” Define the argument: Make sure everyone agrees on what the issue or point of contention is Example: “We were arguing about where to spend Thanksgiving, not whether I’m selfish or inconsiderate.” Example: “Let’s deal with that issue in a minute. I want to get back to what we were just talking about.” Recognize shifts from constructive to destructive Example: “I realize you are upset, but that was uncalled for.” Example: “please don’t shout at me. I can hear you just fine.” Managing verbal aggressiveness

14. Do argue, Don’t attack: focus on the issues not on personalities Example: “I’m not saying you are selfish or cheap, I’m saying you didn’t pay your share for the dinner, whatever the reason.” Be aware: Be attentive to the kinds of situations that can trigger aggressiveness: Win-lose scenarios, personal rejection, “sandbagging” (storing up grievances) Know when to stop arguing: leave-taking is also a communication skill: Example: “If you continue to call me names, I’m going to hang up.” Use a referee: invite a neutral 3rd party to observe a dispute. People are more likely to be on their good behavior if a 3rd party is present. Argue in a public place: Go to a Starbucks or some other public place to talk. Managing verbal aggressiveness

15. application to intimate relationships • “Skill Deficiency Model”: lack of argumentation skills is a catalyst for aggression, violence. • Watkins (1982): lack of effective conflict management skills is a major issue in domestic violence • Infante, Sabourin, Rudd, & Shannon (1990): violence is most likely to happen in marriages where both spouses have latent hostile dispositions and argumentative skill deficiencies.