EDUCATIONAL LEADERSHIP

1. EDUCATIONAL LEADERSHIP 45350 Dr. Brad Waggoner

2. Unit 10 Dealing Effectively with Conflict

3. The Reality of Conflict “Conflict is inevitable, and it can be destructive or useful, depending on how the leader handles it. Leaders create environments in which opportunity, honesty, and a kind of automatic mediation device exist. Leaders do not avoid, repress, or deny conflict, but rather see it as an opportunity. Once everyone has come to see it that way, they can exchange their combative posture for a creative stance, because they don’t feel threatened, they feel challenged.” (Bennis 1999, 208)

4. The Reality of Conflict “Many spiritual leaders seem caught off guard by the fact that they encounter conflict. One of the best strategies for letting conflict work for you involves coming out of denial and coming to grips with the reality that challenges go with the territory of leadership.” (McNeal 2000, 156)

5. Church A A prominent couple in the church has an adult son who is a homosexual who likes to participate in the annual Christmas musical. Several months ago the new pastor takes a stand against the son’s participation. For weeks the parents confront and oppose the pastor and attempt to rally the church against him. In a recent business meeting the father makes this an issue. The pastor calmly states that homosexuality is a sin. The father retorts, “Then you are a fool.” Church B A relatively new pastor leads his church to make some significant changes in worship style and approaches to various ministries. A deacon and long-term Sunday School department director, who has a history of being privately critical of staff leadership, begins to attend worship at another church after leading his Sunday School department. He attempts to persuade others in their criticism. After attending worship at another church, he joins members of his department at a restaurant for lunch and comments how wonderful it was to be at a church that knows how to worship. The Reality of Conflict Recent Examples:

6. The Nature of Conflict A Working Definition Protracted struggle, clash, fight or opposition between personalities, ideas and interests. (Marshall Shelley Article, p. 39)

7. The Nature of Conflict Two General Kinds of Conflict 1.___________________ Nehemiah 5:1-19 2.___________________ Nehemiah 4:1-16

8. The Nature of Conflict Two General Kinds of Conflict 1.___________________ Nehemiah 5:1-19 2.___________________ Nehemiah 4:1-16 Internal External

9. Change Personality Clash New Leadership Building Programs Losing Power Generational Differences Theological Differences Miscommunication Financial Issues Relational Issues The Nature of Conflict Common Sources of Conflict

10. Dealing with Common Misperceptions “We must resolve all conflict” A. _____________________________________ B. _____________________________________ C. _____________________________________ D. _____________________________________ “All conflict is the result of sin” “All conflict is harmful” “Consensus must be reached”

11. Dealing with Common Misperceptions “Poor theology has also contributed its share to the problem. Some have advocated that if leaders pray hard enough and wait on the Lord, then the body of believers will come to agreement. Disagreement or distress in the body is seen as a sign of poor spiritual leadership…This theological position rests on two major misassumptions- that the leader is dealing with regenerate people only (a huge stretch) and that every believer in the congregation or organization is being led by the Spirit. Added to these misassumptions is a poor recollection of history. The biblical leaders constantly faced conflict.” (McNeal 2000, 170)

12. Dealing with Common Misperceptions “Unity is not the word we use to describe relationships at Willow Creek. The popular concept of unity is a fantasy land where disagreements never surface and contrary opinions are never stated with force. We expect disagreement, forceful disagreement. So instead of unity, we use the word community.” (Hybels, 1993)

13. Dealing with Common Misperceptions Unity in ________. Tolerance in _____________. ____ in all things. (Peter Meiderlin)

14. Dealing with Common Misperceptions Unity in ________. Tolerance in _____________. ____ in all things. (Peter Meiderlin) essentials non - essentials Love

15. Dealing with Common Misperceptions E.____________________________________ F.____________________________________

16. Dealing with Common Misperceptions E.____________________________________ F.____________________________________ “We must be peacemakers at any cost.” “All conflict/criticism contains a nugget of truth”

17. Dealing with Common Misperceptions “That is bad advice. Living with that fiction (that there is a nugget of truth behind every criticism) has sent many spiritual leaders on internal psychological and spiritual excursions where they wind up chasing their emotional tail. The truth is, some criticism has no merit. Furthermore, some critics are jerks, pure and simple. Even worse, they may be malevolent figures intent on destroying the ministry of the leader.” (McNeal 2000, 164)

18. Dealing with Common Misperceptions “We should not judge others” G._________________________________ One who discerns, thoroughly examines his own actions before evaluating the actions of others. One who judges, condemns others for their visible problems without regard for the possibility of possessing the same faults or sins.

19. Dealing with Common Misperceptions One who discerns checks the accuracy of all the facts before reaching a conclusion. One who judges forms opinions from first impressions or hearsay, and then looks for evidence to confirm his opinions even though the evidence may be out of context. One who discerns deals as privately as possible with the problem. One who judges exposes those who he condemns often leading others to condemn as well. (Bill Gothard)

20. The Necessity of Dealing with Conflict “The church is not commissioned to shrink away because of disturbances. The Lord Jesus refused to avoid the cross by compromising his obedience to God; we are called to bear our cross in obedience, too. It is sad when a congregation becomes so lukewarm or numbered by problems that members will not hear the loving voice of the Spirit. The voice of the Spirit calls the church to spiritual honesty and truth…A church that remains unwilling to confront the real issues of their spirituality already has one foot in the grave.” (Peters 1997, 62-63)

21. The Necessity of Dealing with Conflict Some Common Responses to Conflict 1. Animal Analogies I win, you lose. Everyone wins a little everyone loses a little. Sharks Foxes I withdraw. I’ll lose so you can win. Turtles Teddy Bears Lets find a way for everybody to win. Owls

22. The Necessity of Dealing with Conflict 2.Three Common Strategies ATTACK: punish, hurt cripple, demotivate other; get others to withdraw WORK THROUGH Help others to be motivated: NOT TO WITHDRAW OR CONTINUE ATTACKING INITIAL CONFLICT WITHDRRAW Let others take what they want

23. The Necessity of Dealing with Conflict Deciding When to Confront or Respond to Conflict • When the reputation and holiness of the church is at stake. • When the essential mission of the church is being hindered. • When the ability of leaders to lead is significantly hindered. • When individuals are being hurt or damaged. • When clear violations of Scripture are occurring.

24. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict avoid Determine up front that you will not ______ conflict. “Often we think, If I just ignore the problem, it might go away. However, most problems that require confrontation do not go away. They are infections: if we ignore them, they get worse. Soon that nagging pain in one toe becomes blood poisoning. Why, then, do we avoid problems that need our attention?” (Shelley 1997, 146)

25. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict As leaders we must seek to ___________ conflict. (Note: This is fundamentally different than conflict avoidance).

26. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict As leaders we must seek to ___________ conflict. (Note: This is fundamentally different than conflict avoidance). minimize

27. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Faithfully _______ for the church. Pray together as a church. (Brooklyn Tabernacle Story) Always be _______, _________ and _________. Establish effective _____________ procedures throughout the church.

28. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict pray Faithfully _______ for the church. Pray together as a church. (Brooklyn Tabernacle Story) Always be _______, _________ and _________. Establish effective _____________ procedures throughout the church. open honest teachable communication

29. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Have a clear ________ and ________. Related to this issue, Reggie McNeal indicates that leaders should “choose your pain”. “The leader who is going nowhere will take hits from all sides. The leader who sets a direction will at least know what direction the arrows will be coming from. A leader can more likely survive pain that results from vision. Purposeless pain is much harder to cope with.” (McNeal 2000, 157)

30. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict mission vision Have clear ________ and ________. Related to this issue, Reggie McNeal indicates that leaders should “choose your pain”. “The leader who is going nowhere will take hits from all sides. The leader who sets a direction will at least know what direction the arrows will be coming from. A leader can more likely survive pain that results from vision. Purposeless pain is much harder to cope with.” (McNeal 2000, 157)

31. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Teach your people to ________ or _______ sources of conflict. Offer an ________ class.

32. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Teach your people to ________ or _______ sources of conflict. Offer an ________ class. defuse confront Inquirers’

33. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict “The most effective tool I’ve found for preempting congregational conflict is what I call a “Front-Loaded Pastor’s Class”. It is not a membership class…A front-loaded pastor’s class is designed for those who are new to the church and simply want to find out what it is about. We describe ours as a look at “why we do what we do the way we do it.” Especially for people who transfer from another church, the class is our most effective tool for preventing future conflict. Here’s why? When most people change churches (for example, due to a move or a problem in a previous church), they bring to their new church expectations and assumptions. If they like the new church’s preaching, worship and people, they settle in, assuming the new church uses the same compass as their old church. But such is not always the case…That’s why one primary goal for our pastor’s class is to let everyone know what we are about. Rather than avoid controversial issues in fear of losing people, I hit the issues head on…” (Shelley 1997, 76-77)

34. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Have solid membership ____________ and _______________________. Be careful in your ________ of key leaders. Keep the focus of the people on ___________ and away from ____________.

35. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict expectations Have solid membership ____________ and _______________________. Be careful in your ________ of key leaders. Keep the focus of the people on ___________ and away from ____________. training of new members. selection ministry management

36. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Seek to avoid unnecessary “closed door” meetings, secret sessions and the appearance of catering to an “insider group”. ______ it when you are wrong or make mistakes. Pick your battles. Do not make an issue over everything.

37. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Seek to avoid unnecessary “closed door” meetings, secret sessions and the appearance of catering to an “insider group”. ______ it when you are wrong or make mistakes. Pick your battles. Do not make an issue over everything. Admit

38. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Consider the following practical insights or guidelines. There are no _______ _________ for eliminating or dealing with conflict. Each situation varies according to the leaders, the issues and the people.

39. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Consider the following practical insights or guidelines. There are no _______ _________ for eliminating or dealing with conflict. Each situation varies according to the leaders, the issues and the people. magic formulas

40. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Evaluate the source and nature of the ________. In the midst of conflict, provide your people with ________ and ______________. “The church will survive these difficult days. God is in control and will bring good out of the difficulty.”

41. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict conflict Evaluate the source and nature of the ________. In the midst of conflict, provide your people with ________ and ______________. “The church will survive these difficult days. God is in control and will bring good out of the difficulty.” hope confidence

42. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict In the midst of conflict and criticism, remain calm, gentle and kind. “In addition, followers are genuinely heartened by a leader’s composure. An outburst to get things off one’s chest may gain vapid applause. However, a leader’s continued composure inspires a more enduring confidence in followers.” (McNeal 2000, 170)

43. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Make sure you have all of the ______. Do not make decisions without a full understanding of “who, what and why”. Try to clear up distorted _____ and distorted ________.

44. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Make sure you have all of the ______. Do not make decisions without a full understanding of “who, what and why”. Try to clear up inaccurate _____ and distorted ________. facts facts thinking

45. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Do not _____ conflict resolution. Cardinal rule: Never use the ________to fight your personal battles. Seek to provide _________ to the dialogue.

46. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Do not _____ conflict resolution. Cardinal rule: Never use the ________to fight your personal battles. Seek to provide _________ to the dialogue. rush pulpit structure

47. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Establish clear ________ _______ when your people are gathered to discuss difficult issues. For instance stress the importance of avoiding:

48. Rules of Engagement ground rules Establish clear ________ _______ when your people are gathered to discuss difficult issues. For instance, stress the importance of avoiding: Demeaning comments Guilt-inducing comments Manipulation Speaking for others Mind-reading Exaggeration. Discrediting Sharing of confidential information

49. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict Evaluate __________. Be open to what you can learn from conflict and criticism. Is there some truth to what others are saying or suggesting. In the end, a leader must learn how to forgive.

50. Guidelines for Dealing with Conflict criticism Evaluate __________. Be open to what you can learn from conflict and criticism. Is there some truth to what others are saying or suggesting? In the end, a leader must learn how to forgive.