Presentation at the National Bullying Conference in Atlanta, Georgia, Oct. 8-9, 2004

1. Presentation at the National Bullying Conference in Atlanta, Georgia, Oct. 8-9, 2004 Rachel Simmons has asked for this powerpoint to be shown discriminately.

2. Addressing Girls’ Aggression Strategies and Theories to Help School Officials Maximize Safety

3. Social Aggression • Damage to social status or reputation • Rumors or gossip that are written, spoken, or typed (online) • “She’s a slut”/”He’s a fag” • She said “X” about you

4. Unpacking the Power of Gossip Misunderstood • It doesn’t matter if the gossip is true • The thrust of social aggression is the way it damages relationships

5. Did you hear what she and Eric did at the party?

6. The Internet: The New Bathroom Wall • Media: Instant Messenger, email, blogs, away messages, profiles • How children perceive Internet communication • Where information is traded; information is • Where conflicts are hashed out

7. Indirect Aggression • Makes it appear as if aggression was unintended or accidental • “Just kidding!” • “No offense, but…” • “Oops, I tripped!”

8. Indirect Aggression (Continued) • Aggressor’s goal is to remain anonymous • Rumor spreading • Online harassment • Notes or graffiti • The scourge of denial

9. Friendship and Aggression • Classic definition of the bully • Research: girls hurt their friends • Damage to conception of intimacy and relationships

10. Relational Aggression • The importance of language • The use of friendship as a weapon • “Do this or I won’t be your friend anymore” • May take nonverbal forms • Silent treatment or angry looks • Pointing, whispering, giggling as target passes or speaks • The reality beneath the radar

11. Other Factors Associated With Aggression • Divorce • Death • Family illness • Financial problems • Modeling (parent or sibling)

12. Girls and Conflict When someone does something to make you upset, do you talk with that person? Conflict terminates relationships

13. What Does Respect Look Like? • In the lunchroom • In the classroom (in groups) • In the hallway • In art/gym/library • Online

14. Policy Change: A Political Enterprise • Redefine the terms “bully” and “aggression” • Define relational, social, indirect, etc. • Take responsibility for Internet harassment

15. Policy Change (Continued) • Develop behavioral/policy guidelines • Prohibit and punish relational aggression • If you don’t do this, I won’t be your friend anymore • Discussion of other examples • Communicate results to the community

16. Policy Change: Communication • Communicate new definitions and policy to the community (or classroom) • Send a letter to faculty, staff, administrators • The importance of a co-signer

17. The Politics of Parents Discussion • Problems and issues • What do we know that they don’t? • What do we wish they knew? • What do we wish they did less of? • What do we wish they did more of?

18. Confronting Girls; or, Dealing With Denial • Expose the perpetrator • Confront the perpetrator • Explain the alleged violation • Ask the perpetrator if she committed the violation • Calibrate the consequences for the violation and owning the mistake • ROLE PLAY

19. Victim Interventions • Empathy and validation • Safe space during the school day • One friend is all it takes • Therapeutic interventions (social skills, family and individual psychotherapy) • The politics of bullying: Avoid the appearance of blaming the child.

20. Other Forms of Prevention • Procure Mediation Training for All Counselors and Interested Faculty • Decriminalize Guidance Office • Train Older Girls As Counselors, Mediators, or Peer Leaders

21. Internet Education • Define what is and isn’t OK for kids online • Pretending someone isn’t there when they are (the 3-way phone call) • Pretending to be someone else online • Sharing your own password • Using someone’s password to gain access to a private account under any circumstances • Forwarding gossip or rumors • Cutting and pasting (sharing) conversations • Blogging: defamation in print

22. Internet Education (Continued) • Refer to results of Internet discussion with students • Give children a plan of action when they suspect foulplay • Print out suspicious IMs, emails, or urls • If a conversation turns into a conflict, sign off and use the phone, talk face to face, or write a letter

23. Talking Face to Face: Steps of Direct Conflict Identify the issue Plan the approach Affirm the relationship

24. Face to Face (Continued) • Using an “I” statement, explain the problem and feelings • Explain what you need to change • Ask what you can do to help affect the change • Apologize • ROLE PLAY

25. Listening Face to Face • Don’t interrupt • Don’t bring up other issues or people (what does that look like?)

26. The Art Of The Apology • “I’m sorry” disease and the Halley’s Comet • Teaching personal responsibility in the age of the good girl • What does an apology look like?

27. Walking The Walk, Talking The Talk My Story and Yours.

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