Choosing a mate

1. Choosing a mate

2. You may have to kiss (date) a lot of Toads before you find your handsome prince or princess.

3. Handout

4. Compose own personal list of characteristics, qualities, and values desired in a marriage partner.

5. Theory of Propinquity Exchange Theory Complimentary Needs Theory Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision) Filter Theory Theories of mate selection…

6. Theory of Propinquity • We marry people we know. If you only know people from school, work, church, college, etc., that is who you will marry.

7. Exchange Theory • We evaluate our worth and find someone of similar worth. We find people for us with similarities to us (looks for looks, money for money, etc.) People will exchange or barter to make up in areas (ie my looks for your money).

8. Complimentary Needs Theory • We find people that compliment our needs. Dominant people find submissive people. A nurturing person finds someone who wants to be mothered.

9. Time and Place Theory(Happy Collision) • Fate… we marry the person we are supposed to when the time is right. This theory suggests that we could have married many of the people that we dated but the timing wasn’t right.

10. People generally marry about 4 years after they begin to date on a regular basis. This theory also states you will marry someone within the geographical area that you live (long distance relationships require more time and money). Average ages for marriage are: *US men-24.5 women-22.5 More on the Happy Collision

11. Filter Theory • We filter out people that don’t meet our criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.) • The three types of filters are: • Biological • Social • psychological

12. We choose someone close to our age (most 22 year old men are not looking for a 54 year old woman). Physical features are usually similar to ours, ie. Body type, weight, height, etc. Biological Filters

13. We often marry within our same social class or income level. There is an increase chance of marriage success when we stay in our own class. We try to find someone of similar intelligence and education. Social Filters

14. Based on conscious and unconscious needs of people. These needs are based on childhood experiences. People will often marry someone similar to their opposite sex parent. Psychological Filters

15. Where could you meet your future mate?

16. “YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT.” Write your opinion of this statement.

17. As per dating statistics, almost 71% of the teenagers state that their partners have spread rumors about them through emails and social networking sites. 68% of the dating teenagers say that their boyfriends/girlfriends have posted their embarrassing picture on the internet. Approximately, 1 out of every 5 girls studying in high schools have been physically abused by their dating partners. 80% of the teenage population believe that verbal abuse is a serious issue in teenage dating. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/dating-statistics.html Teenage dating Stats – Oct. 2011

18. How does your mate choice affect your family?

19. If your family and friends do not approve of your potential marriage partner, you should not get married. Write your opinion

21. Online dating service members include 40 million American users! That accounts for 40% of the single adults in America! Compared to this, China alone accounts for 140 million users and India has 15 million users of online dating! 2% of the marriages held in US are a result of online dating services! the average courtship for online marriages is 18.5 months. Offline marriage courtship is 42 months. men who date online lie about their height, age, and income. And women lie about their age, weight and physical statistics. Speaking of the risk involved, 1 out of 10 sex offenders use online dating services to meet people. Internet dating Stats – Oct. 2011

22. Questions: Why do you think people using online dating sites? Who do you think uses online dating sites? Internet dating

23. Anonymity • Since you can't see the person face-to-face, you have no guarantee the person you're communicating with is who he says he is. • Financial Risk • Scam artists use the online dating realm to gain your trust and eventually try to use that trust to gain access to your finances • Physical Risk • Even if the suitor is honest and seems nice, in person his behavior can change instantly. Dangers of online dating

24. Privacy • Your personal information, such as e-mail, home address and other background info, are put at risk when you date online. • Don’t write this • Spam sites use the online realm to gain access to your personal e-mail and then will make money off that e-mail by selling it to advertisers who will fill up your inbox with junk mail.

25. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7nGreGK1fQ Finding the perfect mate

27. What is mature love? What is infatuation? Thinking about marriage

28. What does a healthy relationship look like?

29. The Engagement • The first official step on the way to saying “I do” is engagement. • An Engagement is a promise or intention to marry. • The engagement period is a time to prepare for the wedding. • Even more important it is time to prepare for the marriage.

30. Identify possible reasons for a broken engagement. What are some possible consequences of a broken engagement? Broken engagement

31. Contracts and Customs • When a couple marry, they enter into at least one contract with each other. • Marriage itself is a contract overseen by the province and made official with a marriage license.

33. Where to Get Marriage License: Service New Brunswick (SNB) centres only. • ID Requirement: Proof of identification such as a Driver License, passport, or birth certificate. You also need to know the full names (maiden name) and birthplaces of your parents.

34. Residency Requirement: Do not have to be a resident of New Brunswick, but you do need to know your wedding date. • Waiting Period: None. • Previous Marriage: Proof of the death of former spouse, divorce or annulment must be provided. All copies must be certified.

35. Fees: None. • Other Tests: No other tests necessary. • Under 18: Applicants under 18 years of age but over 16 need to have parental or court consent. If either of the parties is under the age of sixteen years, a declaration by a Judge of the Court of Queen’s Bench must be obtained.

36. Witnesses: Two over the age of 18. • Miscellaneous: License is valid for 90 days.

37. Prenuptial Agreements • Some couples have lawyers draw up prenuptial Agreements.Prenuptial agreements typically deal with three main issues: • Protecting property within the marriage • Establishing ownership in case of marital breakup. • Defining the roles, rights and duties of each partner.

38. Do you think that prenuptial agreements could cause arguments?

39. What are some adjustments that both partners must make when after marriage?

40. Why do people marry? Pretend marriage Handouts

41. There are many risks involved in marriage. Below is a list of the most common risks that result in divorce. Based on these risks, how long would your marriage last if you were to marry next month? • Married at early an age (the biggest risk is when the girl is under 20) • Parental disapproval of marriage or spouse. • Unhappy childhood • Poor relationship with parents • Poor self-concept • Different values • Parents are divorced or in a poor marriage • Pre-marital pregnancy • Length of acquaintance with each other is less than one year before marriage • Either partner is physically or emotionally unhealthy. Marital Risks

42. Wedding Ceremonies can be as individual as the bride and groom themselves. They will often tailor the events to their own wishes. • The ceremony must fulfill some legal requirements but can take many forms.

43. Civil Ceremonies are preformed by a judge,justice of the peace, or other appropriate official. • They may take place almost anywhere: in a home,or a courthouse,on a beach or on horseback. This type of wedding is usually less formal and often more personalized.

44. Weddings are often followed by some type of reception. • Here the bride and groom are “received” by family and friends and their wedding is celebrated. Like the ceremony, receptions can be simple or very elaborate.

45. Marriage assignment

46. Congrats! You are married!

47. Monogamy • Monogamy: a person has only one spouse or romantic partner at a time

48. Polygamy • Polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously (as opposed to monogamy where each person has only one spouse at a time).

49. The polygamy comes mainly in three different forms: polygyny (where a man has more than two wives at the same time), polyandry (where a woman has more than one husband) there are also the plural marriages (where a family is made out of multiple husbands and wives at the same time

50. In Canada the polygamy is illegal thanks to the Section 293 of the Criminal Code of Canada and the bigamy is banned at Section 290. But at the same time it's been more than 60 years since the last person was prosecuted for practicing it.