Mate Selection

1. Mate Selection Carolyn R. Fallahi, Ph. D.

2. Mate Selection around the world • Buss et. Al. – 9,474 Subjects • 37 countries • What do people want in different cultures? • #1 , #2, #3

3. Marital Expectations • Why high divorce rate? • One theory – strong expectations • Epstein & Eidelson – unhappy married couples expressed unrealistic expectations about marriage. • Marriage quiz – Larson – students take it and 50% fail. Why? Perception of marriage. • Less romantic notion – higher hit rate.

4. Theories • Behavior Exchange Theory • Emphasizes the mastery of specific relationship skills • Markman – followed engaged couples for 21/2 years • Found positive communication was highly correlated with marital satisfaction 2 years later.

5. Theories • Developmental Construction View • Emphasizes the history of relationships and the manner in which they are carried forward. • Each partner has history with parents • Each partner may have had a history with other relationships • We bring our own issues forward and play them out in the relationship (Freud)

6. Howard Markman – handling conflict • Best way to strengthen marriage, • Learn how to handle conflict • Set ground rules • Make a date for discussion and negotiation • Focus on the problem • Reserve the right to take a break • Deal with obstacles • Problem solve • Have weekly meetings • If cannot talk = get counseling

7. Marcia Guttentag & Paul Secord • Analyzed gender roles over historical time • Women (marrying age) short supply? • Men in short supply? • Statistics • 1960 33% women worked • 1988 55% women worked • 2004 80% women work • Pursue careers “traditional” – 1/3