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Mindful Listening

Mindful Listening. More than meets the ear. Listening-most important. Reading- 17.1%. Speaking- 16.1%. Media Listening-27.9%. Writing- 11.4%. Interpersonal Listening-27.5%. + 50% Listening. Listening process. Hearing Sound waves striking eardrum causing vibration

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Mindful Listening

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  1. Mindful Listening More than meets the ear

  2. Listening-most important Reading- 17.1% Speaking- 16.1% Media Listening-27.9% Writing- 11.4% Interpersonal Listening-27.5% + 50% Listening

  3. Listening process • Hearing • Sound waves striking eardrum causing vibration • Does not require energy • Listening • Reconstructs electro impulses into a representation of the original sound + gives meaning • Active, complex process

  4. Process • Mindfulness-being fully present in the moment • Fosters dual perspective • Enhances effectiveness of other’s communication • Must make commitment to attend

  5. process • Physically receiving messages-automatic & unhindered • Harder to pay attention with noise • Women generally more attentive than men, noticing details • Have better developed right lobes for creative & holistic thinking & will listen with both lobes of the brain • Men have better developed left lobes for analytic & linear information processing

  6. process • Selecting & organizing material-what we attend to & how we organize it to understand the message • Interests, cognitive structures, expectations (package we all carry around supports the selection part of process) • Intense, standouts, unusual in flow of conversation • Greater challenging with nonassertive, quiet communication • Schemata assists us in making sense out of the message once we focus & select • Prototypes • Personal constructs • Stereotypes • Scripts Note: we construct others & their communication when we use our schemata to makes sense of situations & people

  7. process • Interpreting-be person-centered in order to get the message on the other’s terms • Make earnest effort to understand • Stay out of the other’s way

  8. process • Responding –show you are following & interested throughout the interaction using: • Eye contact • Nodding • Attentive posture • Questions & comments that invite elaboration • Responsiveness demonstrates we care

  9. process • Remembering –retaining what you heard • Recall only about 50% of what we heard immediately after hearing it • That drops to about 35% within 8 hours • In a couple of months, drops to 25% • Figure out ways to improve that retention rate & recall

  10. Types of ineffective listening-non-listening behaviors • Pseudolistening-imitating the real thing • Stage-hogging or Monopolizing-focus on self • Selective listening-focus only on what’s interesting • Insulated listening-avoid topics not want to deal w/ • Defensive listening-take other’s comments as a personal attack-shaky-touchy-insecure • Ambushing-only to collect info & attack you • Insensitive listening-respond to superficial content & miss more important emotional information • Literal listening-getting & responding to only content & missing the relationship level of meaning

  11. Why we don’t listen better • External obstacles: • Message Overload • Message Complexity • External Noise • Lack of Training

  12. Why we don’t listen cont. • Internal Obstacles: • Preoccupation • Rapid thought • Effort • Prejudgment/faulty assumptions • Lack of apparent advantages • Reacting to emotionally loaded language • Failure to adapt to listening styles • Skills needed • Diverse culture requires it

  13. Listening better • Listening for pleasure • Be mindful • Control distractions

  14. Better listening • Listening for information-gain & evaluate information • Be mindful • Control obstacles • Ask questions • Use aids to recall • Organize information

  15. Listening to support • Be mindful • Use prompting • Paraphrase • Is issue complex enough • Time & concern? • Withhold judgment? • Paraphrase in proportion to other responses • Supporting –expressions of concern, care, affection, interest, especially in times of stress & upset • DO NOT deny other the right to their feelings • Do not have to agree or approve • Note other’s reaction to your support • Support may not always be welcome

  16. More listening to support • Analyzing –offering an interpretation of speaker’s message • Offer tentatively • Be sure other will be receptive to your analysis • Check your motive (ego-driven?) • Advising –help by offering a solution • Is advice needed? Wanted? • Give in right sequence • Come from expertise/experience • You need to be a close, trusted friend • Judging –evaluate other’s thoughts/behaviors • Make sure it is requested • Be genuinely constructive

  17. Final guidelines • Be Mindful • It’s a choice • It’s a commitment • It compliments the other • Adapt • Situation • Other person • Listen Actively • You can burn calories! • It takes effort & an investment

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