Mindful Listening

1. Mindful Listening By Donna Brown

3. What is mindfulness? • A way of focusing your attention that can produce significant benefits • Opposite of multi-tasking

4. Rebecca Shafir writes “our environment with its constant bombardment of stimuli challenges your innate ability to relax and focus on one task at a time.”

5. Why do we listen? • We listen to obtain information • We listen to understand • We listen for enjoyment • We listen to learn • Listen Effectively from “Hitch” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQzduf9GH8M

6. We remember 25% to 50% of what we hear. • That means when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers, or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to half of the conversation. • Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness

7. By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go along way towards creating good and lasting impressions of others • The average person speaks at 125 words per minute, yet we can process up to 500 words per minute.

8. How to be a good Listener

9. What is active listening? • The process of listening, clarifying, giving feedback, and self-disclosing. • It involves the participation of both parties in verbal and non-verbal ways. • The use of “I” statements is imperative.

10. Make eye contact • Look the speaker in the face most of the time, especially look at his/her eyes • If you forget to make eye contact, speaker may think you are bored, withdrawn, or simply not listening • Be culturally sensitive: some individuals may be uncomfortable with too much direct eye contact

11. Take a listening position • Sit or stand in a comfortable position • Aim your body in the general direction of the speaker • Try to be relaxed • Be aware of other non-verbals: placement of arms, leaning forward when necessary, head nodding, degree of personal space, smiling

12. Paraphrase the speaker’s message • State in your own words what someone has just said • Some common ways to lead into paraphrases are: • What I hear you saying is…. • In other words…. • So basically how you felt was… • What happened was… • Sounds like you’re feeling… • The speaker has the chance to make the message more clear if he/she doesn’t think you really understood

13. Ask clarifying questions • If something the speaker said is unclear, ask him/her a question to get more information • Asking questions make you an active, interested listener • The speaker can tell you have been listening enough to have a question and care enough to ask • Ask open ended questions: • Could you give me an example…

14. Make comments, ask questions • When the speaker stops or pauses, make comments about the same subject • If you change the topic suddenly, she/he may think you weren’t listening • If the speaker asks a question, your answer can show you were listening • Use silence to your benefit versus attempting to fill the conversation with constant talk

15. Provide appropriate feedback • Feedback should always be given in an honest and supportive way • Empathy: identify with the speaker’s feelings. It can be difficult if you have different life experiences or would try a different solution • Openness: be a supportive, but neutral listener. Be careful of judgments. • Awareness: be aware of your own biases. We all have them, it’s human nature

16. Effective Listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1ixg

17. blocks to listening

18. The speaker’s control of the message • A two-way flow of information keeps listeners focused and involved • The listener is more involved if he/she can break in from time to time to clarify, check out the message, etc • If the listener is involved, then he/she is more likely to listen well and attentively • Sometimes the speaker’s control of the message is too rigid and this blocks a two-way flow. Ex: lecturing, giving advice, reprimanding

19. assumptions • Avoid clouding up your listening attention with assumptions about: • What the other person is trying to say • What they really mean • What they want the listener to do, etc • Assumptions are often not accurate • They certainly prevent the listener from focusing on what’s being said • If I’m assuming, I’m not listening

20. Buzz words • Most people have definite private buzz words which will have a definite emotional charge, sometimes positive, sometimes more negative • When listeners hear their own buzz words, they’re apt to reject or accept the whole message • When the buzz words hits, the listening stops

21. Silent counter-arguments • Listeners who feel challenged by what they hear may begin formulating their own counter-arguments while the message is still in route • The listener has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has “mistakenly” said

22. distractions • Other things in the environment • Things in the listener’s own mind

23. interruptions • In our haste to share our own ideas, we cut others off • This conveys to the speaker that you do not value what they have to say

24. Conclusion • It takes a lot of concentration to be an active listener • Be deliberate with your listening • Your goal is truly hear what the other person is saying • Concentrate on the message; do not let your mind wander • Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase Is anybody listening? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQsTJI

25. References • “How to be a Good Listener” http://www.twu.edu/downloads/counseling/E-8_How_to_be_a_good_listener.pdf • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQsTJI • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1ixg • http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Az1v_yF_oXs