THE Compassionate Lawyer

1. THE Compassionate Lawyer Kimberly Stamatelos Attorney & Mediator

2. MY STORY

3. depression • Lawyers are 3.6 times more likely to suffer from depression than non lawyers • 6 months after starting law school, psychological distress increases for students who showed no signs of such distress before law school • Compared to medical students, law students have significantly higher levels of stress, stress symptoms, and alcohol abuse • 30% of law students are depressed by the time they graduate. • Levels of depression and anxiety are still significantly elevated two years after graduation.

4. SUICIDE and Substance abuse • Lawyers rank fourth in suicides by profession. • In 2004 in Oklahoma, there was one lawyer suicide each month. • Lawyers are the second most likely profession to have a car crash. • Law students report more alcohol and drug use than college and high school graduates of the same age and alcohol use increases between the second and third year of law school.

5. AVERAGE LAWYER WORK WEEK (ABA) • 2001: 60 hours a week, 40 hours is considered part time work • 2007: 70 hours a week or more (56% of “extreme workers” including lawyers • 80 hours a week or more (25%) • 100 hours a week (9%)

6. 40,000 lawyers leave the practice every year. • People call themselves “recovering lawyers.”

7. WHAT CAUSES THE DISCONNECTION FROM OURSELVES? • Do we have a deferential mode of practicing? The lawyer we think we are supposed to be. • Do we honor our authentic mode of practicing? The lawyer we truly are. • Who was I authentically and not just the lawyer I thought I was expected to be?

8. I ALWAYS JUST WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE!!!

9. WHAT IS COMPASSION? • Deep awareness of the suffering of another accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

10. CAN A LAWYER BE COMPASSIONATE AND STILL BE EFFECTIVE?

11. Lawyers are strategically placed in people’s lives at their most wounded moments.

12. At the times of life’s most devastating woundings, the wounded are incredibly VULNERABLE.

13. Things that happen to the wounded at that weakened state can have a lasting impact. • What we do, say and inject into the their lives as a result of our legal intervention MATTERS DEEPLY.

14. Most legal interventions have a direct impact on the trajectory of a person’s DESTINY.

15. Lawyers as a group, possess wisdom, as a result of their own life stories, their own experiences, and their legal education.

16. My philosophy: Lawyers have one of society’s highest callings. We are called to be compassionate conduits of healing.

17. AN EXERCISE

18. Who Do You Want As Your Lawyer? • What Qualities Do They Possess?

19. The Compassionate lawyer • 1. Compassion for Self in Mind, Body, Spirit • 2. Genuine care and empathy for clients • 3. Respectful of colleagues, court, our families • 4.Empowers other lawyers through mentoring • 5. Philanthropy with lawyer skills • 6. Bills clients fairly and justly • 7. Helps to create the future of the legal profession in a way that continues to change for the common good.

20. FIRST DO NO HARM

21. EMPATHY v. SYMPATHY • Sympathy is feeling bad FOR someone; • Empathy is feeling bad WITHsomeone • http://www.youtube.com/watchv=1Evwgu369Jw

22. How to develop empathy • Develop an insatiable curiosity about people • Identify what you have in common • Imagine a loved one, or yourself, in the person’s situation • Be aware of the FEELINGS and NEEDS not just the legal problem

23. DO YOU REALLY LISTEN?

24. Listening • Listening is one of the most mysterious, luminous, and challenging art forms on Earth. -Mark Nepo, author of Seven Thousand Ways to Listen

25. GRAB A PARTNER

26. WHAT LISTENING IS NOT- DAVE ROPER • When I’m thinking about an answer while others are talking • When I give unsolicited advice • When I suggest they shouldn’t feel the way they do • When I apply a quick fix to their problems • When I fail to acknowledge their feelings

27. WHAT LISTENING IS NOT- Continued • When I fidget, glance at my watch and appear to be rushed. • When I fail to maintain eye contact • When I don’t ask follow up questions • When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my own • When they share a difficult experience and I counter with one of my own

28. THE SIX COMPONENTS INVOLVED IN EFFECTIVE LISTENING : • Attending-awareness of verbal and non-verbal contents: • Environment (location of chairs) • Posture • Eye contact • Heart attitude • Words

29. A COMPASSIONATE LAWYER’S PRACTICE PRACTICES IN INTEGRATIVE LAW, INCLUDING COLLABORATIVE PRACTICE, CONSCIOUS CONTRACTING SPENDS TIME HELPING WOUNDED CLIENTS FIND COURAGE SERVES AS A MEDIATOR GOES TO TRIAL PUBLISHES A BOOK STARTS A PUBLISHING COMPANY TRAINS LAWYERS IN COMPASSSIONATE LAWYERING SKILLS

30. WRITES A BLOG TEACHES AT THE LAW SCHOOL MEETS WITH GROUP WORKING ON HEALTHY MARRIAGE INITIATIVE DOES PRO BONO WORK COACHES LAWYERS MENTORS LAW STUDENTS AND LAWYERS

31. A COMPASSIONATE LAWYER • MAKES AN EXCELLENT LIVING • IMPACTS COUNTLESS LIVES • TRANSFORMS THEIR OWN LIFE • LIVES IN FREEDOM AND JOY

32. THE COMPASSIONATE LAWYER IS THAT YOU?

33. CONCLUSION- THOMAS MERTON • “ Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything”.

34. The Call to compassion • THE COMPASSIONATE LAWYER • WE NEED YOU!!