Communicating…

1. Communicating… Communicating by Chris Robinson

2. Communicating… • Good communicators are successful with friends, family, colleagues, customers, employees and the opposite sex! • Good communicators avoid unproductive confrontations • Good communication skills can be learnt • Good communicators are happier and more fulfilled Communicating by Chris Robinson

3. In order to be a good communicator you have to understand why people behave the way they doYour quality of life is equal to your quality of communications Communicating by Chris Robinson

4. What makes people tick? • Why do people behave the way they do? • Freud • Penfield • Berne • Transactional Analyses Communicating by Chris Robinson

5. Freud • Interested in the human psyche • We are what we are as a result of our experience as we develop our sexuality • Our sexuality starts to develop around the time of potty training • Our sexuality goes on developing as we identify with our Parents and the people around us • Emotional problems are due to unhelpful or traumatic experiences as we develop our sexuality and personalities Communicating by Chris Robinson

6. Penfield • Penfield was a neurosurgeon • Whilst working on peoples brains Penfield discovered that the application of an electrical voltage, to the brain, could stimulate past experiences as though they were happening today • The past experience could be from infancy • Penfield concluded that experiences from a very early age stay with throughout our lives Communicating by Chris Robinson

7. Berne The Pre social age is the most formative period in our lives • A baby loved and cared for, with ample time from both parents, will grow up with a healthy opinion of himself, he will be happy, confident and creative • Deprived of love and attention he will lack Self-Esteem • Babies have to be fed – Positive stimulus • Baby starts to feed himself, crawl and walk – can be Negative • During Berne’s observations he noticed three ego states • The son’s smile which turns to rage as father rebukes his theory • The daughters transformation as she is told she can date the boy • The Parent, Adult and Child ego states Communicating by Chris Robinson

8. The Ego states - Diagram Parent Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

9. Being aware of Ego states • How far back can you remember? • Was it fact or feeling? • Think of a dramatic experience • How did you feel? • How did you react? • Which Ego state were you in? • Which Ego state was the other person in? Communicating by Chris Robinson

10. Transactions • The Unit of Social Intercourse • Stimulus and Response • Analysing which Ego State we are in • Analysing the other persons Ego State • Complimentary Transactions • Complex or Ulterior Transactions Communicating by Chris Robinson

11. Formal & controlled Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

12. Informative & helpful Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

13. Intimate & creative Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

14. Other Good Transactions Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

15. Transactional Analyses • We have looked at Complimentary Transactions now we will look at;- • Crossed Transactions • Complex or Ulterior Transactions Communicating by Chris Robinson

16. Crossed Transactions Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

17. Ulterior Transactions Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

18. Analysing Transactions • Body Language • Facial Clues • Gestures • Tone of Voice • The Words Used Communicating by Chris Robinson

19. Furrowed Brow Eye Block Pursed Lips Pointing Finger Head Wagging Horrified looks Foot Tapping Hands on Hips Wringing Hands Crossed Arms Tongue Clicking Tutting, sighing, patting of head Should Ought Always Never Answer questions with a Question The Parent relies on memory Enjoins to a higher authority Takes a fixed position Makes statements, not conversation Parental Clues Communicating by Chris Robinson

20. Tears Quivering Pouting Temper Rolling eyes Whining Shrugging Downcast eyes Laughter Squirming Giggling Prolific use of the word ‘I’ Otherwise less verbal The Child relies on feelings Child is centre of world Cannot consider other people’s position Child Clues Communicating by Chris Robinson

21. Eye Blink every 3 to 5 Seconds Facial Movement Slight Changes in Posture Occasionally the curious Child will Show How Why Where When Who Probable Possible The Adult Computes Adult Clues Communicating by Chris Robinson

22. The Adult Ego State • The Adult Computes the here and now • Takes into consideration what the Parent remembers and how the Child feels • Let the Adult ask of the Parent Ego state; • Is it true? • Does it apply? • Is it appropriate • Where did the idea come from? • Is it real? • Let the Adult ask of the Child Ego state; • Are these feelings reasonable? • What are the consequences? • Who is responsible and for what? Communicating by Chris Robinson

23. Recognise Your Own PAC • Recognise your own PAC • Recognise the PAC in others • Communicate positively • In business, aim for Adult to Adult, where possible but never crossed transactions • Do not play Games • Be creative • Recognise when Games are being played and do not get drawn in Communicating by Chris Robinson

24. Being Successful • Keep the Adult in charge • Know when your Parent and Child Ego states are aroused • Be good natured – careful use of humour can help • Avoid auto responses to stimuli • Do not take fixed positions unless you have to • If you must take fixed positions allow others to express their own opinions Communicating by Chris Robinson

25. The Games People Play • Let’s be intimate • Let’s you and him fight • Mine is bigger than yours • Been there – done that • Kiss off • I’m no good at • Court Room • Wise old sage Communicating by Chris Robinson

26. Prejudice • Prejudice is where the Parent dominates the Adult • Mental Block • Use repetitive statements to reinforce mental block • In isolation of the facts the statements sound wise – they sound Parental Communicating by Chris Robinson

27. Delusion Parent • Child dominates the Adult • Withdrawal • Day dreaming, fantasy • Grounded in fear of reality Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

28. A-Moral Parent • Parent is detached from Adult Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

29. Workaholic Parent • Child is detached from Adult Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

30. Alcohol Parent • Parent becomes detached from Adult • Then the Adult becomes detached from the Child • The Child runs a mock Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

31. Psychotic Parent • Adult, Parent and Child are all detached or; • The Adult does not exists Adult Child Communicating by Chris Robinson

32. Transactional Analyses - Recap • Lets recap on last module • Parent Ego State • Child Ego State • Adult Ego State • Transactional Analyses • Complimentary Transactions • Experience of last week Communicating by Chris Robinson

33. Aggressive Behaviour • We go on the attack • Our Parent speaks to the other persons Child • We stand up for our rights at the expense of others • We don’t allow others to express their views • We express ourselves inappropriately • We make threats • Enjoin ourselves to higher authority • Use aggressive language – verbal and body language Communicating by Chris Robinson

34. Submissive Behaviour • We are Defensive and Defend ourselves • Our Child speaks to their Parent • We fail to stand up for what is just and right • We become self effacing, even apologetic • We see ourselves as less important • Cannot express ourselves creatively Communicating by Chris Robinson

35. Assertive Behaviour • There is a better way – Be Assertive! • Stand up for yourself, but • Let others stand up for their selves • Think of examples of Aggressive, Submissive and Assertive Behaviour! • When were you last Assertive? • How did you feel? • Will you work this week-end? Communicating by Chris Robinson

36. Appropriate Behaviour • Submissive to those we respect • Aggressive to those we do not • Assertive most of the time • Express your views • Allow other to express their views Communicating by Chris Robinson

37. Self Esteem • Ability • Perception of Self • As other see us • We should like ourselves and feel we have value • We should surround ourselves with people who like us who are Assertive • Self Esteem must be in reality Communicating by Chris Robinson

38. Leadership • Listen to colleagues and customers and value what they say • Consider their point of view and discuss • Enter into agreement, action plan, etc • Provide feedback with praise, helpful comments and suggestions, as appropriate • Always ground comments in reality Communicating by Chris Robinson

39. Submissive People • Ramble • Qualify what they say • Use words like;- • Maybe, would you mind, I wonder, Sorry, Can’t, hopeless, not important, • Doesn’t matter, never mind Communicating by Chris Robinson

40. Aggressive People • Use a lot of I’s • State opinions as facts • Use threats, enjoin themselves to higher authorities • Put people down, undermine their self-confidence • Use words like;- • Ought, must, should, have to, blame, fault and you said Communicating by Chris Robinson

41. Assertive People • Stay in Adult mode as much as possible • Ask open questions such as How? When? Where? What? • Want to know more about the problems and how they affect others • Consider other points of view • Distinguish between facts and opinions • Have broad shoulders and can reduce tensions • Do not get so upset • Can vent negative feelings in a positive way Communicating by Chris Robinson

42. Good Communicators • Think about what they are going to say before they say it • Make sure they can express themselves clearly before they try to communicate • Sometimes it can take more time thinking about how to express yourself than what you want to express! Communicating by Chris Robinson

43. Successful People • Enjoy life, work, friends and family • Are more confident in themselves and others • Like themselves • Keep in control • Can handle responsibility • Are Team players • Save time, energy and frustration • Can relax and have a sense of humour! Communicating by Chris Robinson

44. Support Calls • Ask for name of person and company first • Always log on the support system, if down – keep notes • Support system:- • prompts for questions you might forget • analyses calls and problems • provides statistical feedback and customer reports • Gives account status • Don’t get flustered – say you have to follow a procedure • Convention has it that who made the call, remakes it if the line is broken Communicating by Chris Robinson

45. Should you take the call? • Is the customer on a valid contract? • Are you the best person to help? • Do they have a support problem or should they buy an upgrade, more storage, training or consultancy? • Have you got the tools to do the job? Communicating by Chris Robinson

46. Don’t get flustered! • People are more likely to be Aggressive if:- • They know they have made an error • They want to hide their error • There is no valid Support Contract • They know you cannot solve the problem • Line or supply problem, hardware or network down • They have had problems getting through • Stay calm, breath properly, say you have to follow the company procedures • Listen and be patient with the customer as this reduces the tension and heat – don’t interrupt! • Say you are sorry they are frustrated, angry etc – this is not the same as apologising because you are in the wrong! Communicating by Chris Robinson

47. Customers don’t tell the truth! • Always reflect their problem • RASP Re-iterate, analyse, summarise, priorities • Reflect the problem in different ways • Make sure you fully understand the problem before giving a solution Communicating by Chris Robinson

48. Improve your hit rate • Do not give a solution to test your understanding of their problem – you will loose credibility! • Check the Support system for similar problems and solutions • If you must test your understanding of the problem try “Our diagnostics tell me you should try..” • Try to avoid standard answers • Practice improving your hit rate Communicating by Chris Robinson

49. Ambiguous problems • Ask the Customer “What would you like me to do for you?” • How would you like to have this resolved? • The Customer might want less than you would have offered! • Think about Customers solution – it might be better than yours! • The Customer might work out how to solve his own problem • Is the solution on offer sensible, practical, safe? Communicating by Chris Robinson

50. Difficult problems • Reduce support problems by selling;- • Consultancy • Training • Upgrades • Tools • Other products and services Communicating by Chris Robinson