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Know Thyself

Know Thyself. Ramesh Mehay. Behaviour Style Identification. Y axis - responsiveness. Control Response Applied to people who rarely show their emotions. Typical behaviours include: Immobile face Fixed eye contact Closed, formal body posture Monotone voice Task orientation

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Know Thyself

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  1. Know Thyself Ramesh Mehay

  2. Behaviour Style Identification

  3. Y axis - responsiveness Control Response • Applied to people who rarely show their emotions. Typical behaviours include: • Immobile face • Fixed eye contact • Closed, formal body posture • Monotone voice • Task orientation • Small gestures • Static body Emote responsive: • Applied to people who openly show their feelings and emotions. Typical behaviours include: • Facial mobility and animation. • Short duration of eye contact • Open body position *Informality • Inflexion in voice • Large gestures • Mobile body movements

  4. X-axis - assertiveness "Tell" assertiveness • A way of influencing that is more obvious to others: eg. "That was a stupid thing to do." "Tell" behaviours include: • Loud voice • Clipped speech • Intense eye contact • More gestures • Faster actions • Stating opinions • Thinking of self first "Ask" assertiveness • A way of influencing that is not perceived as so overt as "telling": eg. "I don't think that that was a good idea because blah, blah, blah. What do you think?" • "Ask" behaviours include: • Quiet voice • Measured speech • Less intense eye contact • Fewer gestures • Slower body movements • Listening • Thinking of others first

  5. Putting it all together

  6. Drivers • Pace: Fast, decisive; Voice: Clipped, monotone ; Posture: Formal, forward; Gestures: Small, precise; Eye Contact: Intense, direct ; Face: Fixed, immobile • Drivers are brisk and business-like, and like to get things done. • Like to be in charge, and get results. • Hate indecision and inefficiency. • Base decisions on relevant facts, objectivity. • Under pressure become autocratic and dictatorial. With Drivers, do: • Get on with it!, Be factual and succinct , Talk about results , Use time efficiently Don't: • Waste their time, Be vague and rambling, Try to get too personal, Try to control them , Be disorganised

  7. Expressives • Pace: Fast, spontaneous; Voice: Loud, fast, modulated ; Posture: Relaxed, open; Gestures: Large, frequent; Eye Contact: Intense, but infrequent ; Face: Very mobile, animated. • Expressives are sociable, flamboyant. • Seek recognition, and dislike being ignored. • Irritated by routine, and lack of stimulation. • Base decisions on intuition. • Under pressure, will go on the offensive and attack. With Expressives, do: • Be prepared to socialise, Be enthusiastic and energetic, Offer your opinions, Support their ideas , Be flexible, spontaneous Don't: • Be impatient or controlling, Bore them, Give them too much detail or facts, Irritate them!

  8. AMIABLES • Pace: Slow, easy; Voice: Soft, modulated; Posture: Relaxed, informal; Gestures: Large, but few; Eye Contact: Warm, friendly; Face: Open, animated • Amiables prefer to maintain relationships, and avoid confrontation. • Want to be appreciated, and in turn are supportive, and think of others first. • Irritated by insensitivity and impatience. • Base decisions on feelings, trust, people. • Under pressure, will acquiesce, or submit. With Amiables, do: • Be friendly and informal, Show interest in them personally, Take your time, Give them time to make decisions, Listen and be supportive of their feelings. Don't: • Rush them, Be factual, Be distant, and stand-offish, Give them cause to mistrust you.

  9. ANALYTICS • Pace: Measured, systematic; Voice: Quiet, monotone ; Posture: Formal, stiff; Gestures: Small, few; Eye Contact: Reflective, steady; Face: Fixed, unexpressive • Analyticals are concerned with the job in hand, and the process to achieve it. • They like time to prepare, and are logical and thorough • They dislike unpredictability, and being rushed. • Base decisions on lots of facts, credibility. • Under pressure will withdraw, and avoid cause of stress. With Analyticals, do: • Get down to business, Listen carefully, Be formal and quiet, Give them time to think and to put their point of view, Be specific and logical Don't: • Rush them, Interrupt them, Be flippant and casual , Be disorganised or late, Lack credibility

  10. How will Others React in a Conflict Situation?

  11. Ego States = Transactional Analysis Ramesh Mehay

  12. Parent, Adult, Child • Think of your brain like a video recorder • You all have parent, adult and child tapes to play • Which one you play most often is what defines you • And can therefore tell others how to interact with you in the most effective way • The best type is an adult-adult relationship

  13. Parent • Two types – critical and nurturing • The controlling parent is the one who scolds a child for being late home for dinner • The nurturing parent is the one who is glad they got home safely and might say “perhaps the next time we might like to think about….”

  14. Parent – critical (phrases) CONTROLS, DISCIPLINES, RESTRICTS BIASED ON PREJUDICES/OWN BELIEFS • Right and wrong. • Good and bad. • Never and always • sensible and careless • What will people say….. • That is the limit! • Why haven’t you….. • you must never….

  15. Parent – nurturing (phrases) HELPFUL, CARING, LOVING BIASED ON FEELINGS • Oh dear! What a shame…. • Take care…. • Please remember to…. • don’t be late…. • Don’t be afraid…. • I’ll help you…. • It will take me long to…. • Poor you…..

  16. Adult ego (phrases) Asks questions and seeks out facts MATURE, DELIBERATING, NON-BIASED • What is that? • What do you think? • Why did it happen? • What are the choices? • Let’s find out. • Let’s experiment. • Let’s define it. • How come we handle it best?

  17. Child Ego • Two types • Natural child – primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined, demanding • Please don’t….. I didn’t mean to… • Adapted child – guilt, rebellion, disobedience, compromises • I like, I wont, I must, I feel. • You will always try to, let’s play, help me, Wow! • I will in a moment, if only, if she can, so can I, it is mine

  18. So What? Putting it all together… • You can control your internal thoughts • By doing so, you can adapt the way you interact with another person to their ego state  to get the most out of a situation

  19. PAC compliments • Try to achieve the following • P-P, A-A, C-C • Pn-C (may result in them responding in an adult way, then you can have A-A) • A-C (may encourage A-A) • Pn-A

  20. PAC – crossovers (avoid) • Pc – is rarely ever good • PC; A C (illustrated below) P P A A C C

  21. Summary • Masters in communication are those who have the greatest flexibility in how they respond to the other person. • That’s what PAC is all about: • Being aware and choosing how to respond

  22. Honey & Mumford Learning Styles • Conflict Styles Questionairre • Play at home if you want to explore further • Compare with colleagues • Discuss

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