Pathfinder Principles & Consequences

1. PathfinderPrinciples & Consequences Created by James J. Messina, Ph.D.

2. Pathfinder • P Principles • A Activating • T Tracking • H Hugging • F Formulating • I Intervening • N Negotiating • D Discussing • E Establishing • R Releasing

3. Parenting Principles • A • T • H • F • I • N • D • E • R

4. Pathfinder’s Foundational Principle • TEA System Based Principles • Thoughts - must get rational • Emotions - must feel more rational • Actions - take Actions only after Thoughts and Emotions are rational and in synch

5. Personal Oriented Principles • 1. Promote your health • 2. Let go of fantasy children • 3. Avoid being over-protective • 4. Curb your temper • 5. Avoid cloning yourself

6. Personal Oriented Principles • 6. Let go of guilt over past parenting errors • 7. Forgive yourself for past parenting errors • 8. Avoid over-compensating • 9. Use detachment • 10. Admit your mistakes

7. Family Oriented Principles • 1. Promote the health of your marriage • 2. Balance career and family • 3. Avoid triangulation • 4. Seek win-win solutions • 5. Be the leader of the family

8. Family Oriented Principles • 6. Establish healthy boundaries • 7. Encourage respect for others • 8. Eliminate family secrets • 9. Seek out professional help • 10. Advocate for children

9. Child Oriented Principles • 1. Encourage uniqueness and individuality • 2. Encourage children's sense of autonomy • 3. Avoid entitlement • 4. Empathize with children's hard knocks • 5. Teach feelings are choices

10. Child Oriented Principles • 6. Give children freedom of choice • 7. Love unconditionally • 8. Adapt for special needs children • 9. Avoid perfectionistic parenting • 10. Be authentic

11. Developmental Principles • 1. Have fun with children • 2. Stimulate creativity • 3. Let children be children • 4. Encourage healthy sexuality • 5. Avoid sexual stereotyping

12. Developmental Principles • 6. Stimulate leadership potential in children • 7. Live a healthy lifestyle • 8. Promote spirituality • 9. Encourage a world-view • 10. Encourage career mindedness

13. Behavioral Principles • 1. Describe behaviors not children as non-acceptable • 2. Catch the good in children • 3. Ignore the negative • 4. Listen to behaviors • 5. Communicate with children

14. Behavioral Principles • 6. Avoid cornering children in lies • 7. Use natural and logical consequences • 8. Be consistent • 9. Follow through • 10. Be assertive with children

15. P • A • Tracking Structures • H • Formulating Consequences • I • N • D • E • R

16. Rules for Use of consequences • Never use guilt • Never use consequences as intimidation • Never use as tools of manipulation • Never use as "get backs" to make children sorry • Never use as punishment for doing bad

17. Rules for Use of consequences • Never make logical too different from natural consequence • Never use a logical when natural consequence exists & safe • Never use if health and safety at risk • Never use a natural consequence when it would take too much time

18. Rules for Use of consequences • Never promise to use consequences and then revert to an older form of discipline • Be consistent in your use of natural and logical consequences • Spell out & record consequences so children fully understand • Warn children in advance of what consequences will be

19. Rules for Use of consequences • Be positive do not revert to old form of temper or angry outbursts • Explain fully the consequences in detail • Make an immediate response • Remind children that they are free to choose their own behaviors

20. Rules for Use of consequences • Remind children they are responsible for their own behaviors and blame others for their choices • Remind that the goal is to assist accept responsibility for own lives • Let others know you practice the model of natural and logical consequences