Writing in “Plain Talk”

Writing in “Plain Talk” For Management Services Administration Dana Howard Botka June 2, 2008

What is plain language? An approach to writing and design that lets people quickly and easily: • Find what they need. • Understand what they find. • Use it to accomplish their goals – or yours!

Why plain language? • Plain language gets people to act: • Read what you have written. • Make decisions. • Perform a task.

Why plain language? Plain language is a civil right. • Credit card/mortgage contracts • Medical consent forms • Contracts • Instructions to obtain benefits • Appeal rights • Voting instructions

Before Plain Talk We have been notified that you did not receive the state of Washington warrant listed on the attached Affidavit of Lost or Destroyed Warrant Request for Replacement, form F242-026-000. The state Treasurer’s Office has informed us that the warrant is outstanding and has not been cashed of today’s date.

After Plain Talk Dear ____: Have you cashed your L&I check yet? The State Treasurer’s Office has informed us that a check we sent you has not been cashed. Review the attached legal form. It will show the amount of the check, what it was for, and the date it was issued.

Before Plain Talk OUR RECORDS INDICATE YOU HAVE NOT SUBMITTED YOUR EMPLOYERS PREMIUM REPORT OF HOURS AND PAYMENT FOR THE PREMIUM STATED ABOVE. RCW 51.16.155 AUTHORIZES LABOR AND INDUSTRIES TO ESTIMATE AND COLLECT PREMIUMS

After Plain Talk Your payment and completed Employer’s Quarterly Report for Industrial insurance is now past due.

Who are your customers? • Legislators • OFM • Agency directors /managers • Organization leaders • Lobbyists • Colleagues • Governor • Do the same principles apply?

Exercise: What’s the message? Proposed Activity Due to the increase in industrial insurance litigation anticipated during the balance of the current biennium and the next biennium, the agency requests funding for increased contracting costs and goods and services. The 17% increase in appeals from 1995 to 1996 will be followed approximately one year later by a commensurate increase in costs due to the time lag when these costs are actually incurred with each appeal. Personal Service Contract costs cover expert witness fees and special assistant attorneys general (for out-of-state cases). Goods and services costs cover witness fees, court reporters, medical consultations and attorney fees (awarded to opponent). Both sets of costs are generally not incurred until a hearing is actually held. This does not occur until at least 12 months from the time the appeal is filed. Therefore, the 17% rise in appeals will have its impact the first year of the biennium, and coupled with the 12% increase (average 6% each year) means additional funding of approximately 30% of the projected expenditures for these costs in the current biennium (11 months of actual expenditures divided by 11 multiplied by 24) less the carryover allotment is needed. The agency requests additional funding as follows:

Create a meaningful heading Increased legal services are needed to cover the effect of jump in appeals Due to the increase in industrial insurance litigation anticipated during the balance of the current biennium and the next biennium, the agency requests funding for increased contracting costs and goods and services. The 17% increase in appeals from 1995 to 1996 will be followed approximately one year later by a commensurate increase in costs due to the time lag when these costs are actually incurred with each appeal. Personal Service Contract costs cover expert witness fees and special assistant attorneys general (for out-of-state cases). Goods and services costs cover witness fees, court reporters, medical consultations and attorney fees (awarded to opponent). Both sets of costs are generally not incurred until a hearing is actually held. This does not occur until at least 12 months from the time the appeal is filed. Therefore, the 17% rise in appeals will have its impact the first year of the biennium, and coupled with the 12% increase (average 6% each year) means additional funding of approximately 30% of the projected expenditures for these costs in the current biennium (11 months of actual expenditures divided by 11 multiplied by 24) less the carryover allotment is needed. The agency requests additional funding as follows:

Break up the information Increased legal services are needed to cover the effect of jump in appeals Due to the increase in industrial insurance litigation anticipated during the balance of the current biennium and the next biennium, the agency requests funding for increased contracting costs and goods and services. The 17% increase in appeals from 1995 to 1996 will be followed approximately one year later by a commensurate increase in costs due to the time lag when these costs are actually incurred with each appeal. 1.) Personal Service Contract costs cover expert witness fees and special assistant attorneys general (for out-of-state cases). 2.) Goods and services costs cover witness fees, court reporters, medical consultations and attorney fees (awarded to opponent). Both sets of costs are generally not incurred until a hearing is actually held. This does not occur until at least 12 months from the time the appeal is filed. Therefore, the 17% rise in appeals will have its impact the first year of the biennium, and coupled with the 12% increase (average 6% each year) means additional funding of approximately 30% of the projected expenditures for these costs in the current biennium (11 months of actual expenditures divided by 11 multiplied by 24) less the carryover allotment is needed. The agency requests additional funding as follows:

Give each “chunk” a heading Increased legal services are needed to cover the effect of jump in appeals Appeals are on the increase: Due to the increase in industrial insurance litigation anticipated during the balance of the current biennium and the next biennium, the agency requests funding for increased contracting costs and goods and services. Higher costs: The 17% increase in appeals from 1995 to 1996 will be followed approximately one year later by a commensurate increase in costs due to the time lag when these costs are actually incurred with each appeal. What are the costs? 1.) Personal Service Contract costs cover expert witness fees and special assistant attorneys general (for out-of-state cases). 2.) Goods and services costs cover witness fees, court reporters, medical consultations and attorney fees (awarded to opponent). When will we see these higher costs? Both sets of costs are generally not incurred until a hearing is actually held. This does not occur until at least 12 months from the time the appeal is filed. Therefore, the 17% rise in appeals will have its impact the first year of the biennium, and coupled with the 12% increase (average 6% each year) means additional funding of approximately 30% of the projected expenditures for these costs in the current biennium (11 months of actual expenditures divided by 11 multiplied by 24) less the carryover allotment is needed. The agency requests additional funding as follows:

Another example of dense copy Dear _____________: Please furnish medical evidence in support of your pension claim. The best evidence to submit would be a report of a recent examination by your personal physician, or a report from a hospital or clinic that has treated you recently. The report should include complete findings and diagnoses of the condition which renders you permanently and totally disabled. It is not necessary for you to receive an examination at this time. We only need a report from a doctor, hospital, or clinic that has treated you recently. This evidence should be submitted as soon as possible, preferably within 60 days. If we do not receive this information within 60 days from the date of this letter, your claim will be denied. Evidence must be received in the Department of Veterans Affairs within one year from the date of this letter; otherwise, benefits, if entitlement is established, may not be paid prior to the date of its receipt. SHOW VETERAN'S FULL NAME AND VA FILE NUMBER ON ALL EVIDENCE SUBMITTED. Privacy Act Information: The information requested by this letter is authorized by existing law (38 U.S.C. 210 (c)(1)) and is considered necessary and relevant to determine entitlement to maximum benefits applied for under the law. The information submitted may be disclosed outside the Department of Veterans Affairs only as permitted by law. ____________________ Adjudication Officer

Headings and simplified content Dear _______________: We have your claim for a pension. Our laws require us to ask you for more information. The information you give us will help us decide whether we can pay you a pension. What We Need Send us a medical report from a doctor or clinic that you visited in the past six months. The report should show why you can't work. Please take this letter and the enclosed Guide to your doctor. When We Need It We need the doctor's report by January 28, 1992. We'll have to turn down your claim if we don't get the report by that date. Your Right to Privacy The information you give us is private. We might have to give out this information in a few special cases. But we will not give it out to the general public without your permission. We've attached a form which explains your privacy rights. If you have any questions about this letter, you may call us at 1-800-827-1000. The call is free. Sincerely,

The revised letter got results Old letter: Sent 750 times/month – 1128 calls New letter: Sent 710 times/month – 192 calls Work by Reva Daniel with Veterans Administration counselors Jacksonville, Miss. 1995

Six steps you can take … • Put your message on the top. • Give your reader context. • Break up the information. • Guide with meaningful headings. • Remove unnecessary words. • Use an active voice. • Use the first or second person. • Avoid jargon and legalese. • Use plain, specific language.

Put your message at the top • Decide what you most want them to notice • Put it at – or near – the top • Put the explanations below

Give your reader context Readers want to get oriented. What’s this all about? “Recently, you asked for a …” “On April 15, we met to discuss your …” “ We have approved your application for a ground water permit …”

Break up the information • People ask themselves: What’s in it for me? • They will skim until they find it and give up if it takes too long • Break it up • Label each section

How people read paper documents Cover to cover 15% Scan 46% Read as reference 35% Never read 4% Schriver, 1997, 213; survey of 201 consumers answering the question, “Generally speaking, how do you use instruction guides?” (From 2002 Ginny Redish training: Writing for the Web.)

Remove unnecessary words Don’t: To facilitate the implementation of the new policy changes we reviewed, an informal meeting will be scheduled to discuss our options. Do: I will schedule a meeting to discuss our policy changes.

Use an active voice • People want to know who is doing what: • “The submitted variance application has been accepted.” • “I have accepted your application for a variance.”

Use an active voice Old: It is suggested that the wire should be connected to the terminal by the engineer when the switch-box assembly is completed. New: We suggest that you connect the wire to the terminal when you finish assembling the switchbox.

Use the first or second person Third person: “The person to whom this decision is issued, if he or she wishes to file an appeal, must file the appeal with the Pollution Control Hearings Board.” First and second person: “You may appeal this decision with the Pollution Control Hearings Board.”

Use the first or second person Don’t: A decision has been made about your claim Do: I have made a decision about your claim. Or We have made a decision about your claim.

Avoid jargon & legalese Don’t: By this notice, demand is hereby made for you to exercise your right of election pursuant to RCW 51.24.070. Do This is our formal demand for you to give us your decision

Avoid jargon and legalese Don’t: This CITATION AND NOTICE OF ASSESSMENT shall be deemed to be a final order of the Department and not subject to review by any court or agency unless, within fifteen (15) working days from the receipt of this CITATION AND NOTICE OF ASSESSMENT, the employer submits a Notice of Appeal.” Do: If you are cited for a violation of WISHA safety and/or health rules, you may appeal. You have 15 days from the date you received this citation to appeal.

Avoid jargon and legalese South Africa’s 1993 interim Constitution: Before:“Prima facie proof of discrimination on any of the grounds specified in subsection (2) shall be presumed to be sufficient proof of unfair discrimination as contemplated in that subsection, until the contrary is established.” South Africa’s 1995 final Constitution: Before:“Discrimination on one or more grounds listed in subsection (3) is unfair unless it is established that the discrimination is fair.”

Use lists when possible Government correspondence often contains instructions. • List the steps. • Numbered steps give the reader an idea of what’s involved – right away. • Numbered steps reduces confusion when the reader returns to the instructions.

Use lists when possible • South Africa’s 1993 interim Constitution: “Every person shall have the right to his or her personal privacy, which shall include the right not to be subject to searches of his or her person, home or property, the seizure of private possessions or the violation of private communications.”

Use lists when possible • Plain language rewrite: “Everyone has the right to privacy, which includes the right not to have: a.) their person or home searched b.) their property searched c.) their possessions seized; or d.) the privacy of their communications infringed

Use plain, specific language cease Employ Furnish Inquire Prior to Procure Request Remit Retain Terminate Utilize

Plain, specific language BeforeAfter cease stop Employ use Furnish give Inquire ask Prior to before Procure get Request ask Remit send/pay Retain keep Terminate end Utilize Use

E-mail exempt from Plain Talk? Hey --- thanks for getting back to me re: the guv’s conference next Oct. I think the point of this next meeting will be to get consensus on our various roles, ie setting up the breakouts, conference c. set-up, giving our various speaker options calls and getting clear on the budget. I’ll round up Chris and Tom and use the 4th floor conference room tomorrow, 1-3. See you then. - Bob

The same principles apply Hi Everyone: Thanks for agreeing to participate in the Governor’s Leadership Conference Steering Committee. Here’s the information on our upcoming meeting; Thurs., Sept. 20 1 – 3 p.m. 4th floor conference room, OFM office, Insurance Building We’ll be taking care of some basic preliminary business, including: - Deciding what our roles and tasks will be. - Selecting and scheduling breakout sessions. - Planning our speakers. - Finalizing our budget. See you then, Bob

Conclusion … • Who is your reader? • What’s the main message? • How do I want to organize it? • How can I make it easy to scan? • What can I cut? • Are my sentences active – the way I would say them aloud?

For more than forty years, I've studied the documents that public companies file. Too often, I've been unable to decipher just what is being said or, worse yet, had to conclude that nothing was being said. If corporate lawyers and their clients use Plain Language, my life would be much easier. Warren Buffet

End of presentation Questions?

Exercise Due to the increase in industrial insurance litigation anticipated during the balance of the current biennium and the next biennium, the agency requests funding for increased contracting costs and goods and services.

Exercise The 17% increase in appeals from 1995 to 1996 will be followed approximately one year later by a commensurate increase in costs due to the time lag when these costs are actually incurred with each appeal.

Writing in “Plain Talk”