Conciseness

1. Conciseness How to say more with fewer words

2. The information in this presentation is from the Purdue University Online Writing Lab Effective writingis concise, with no unnecessary words. The term"wordy“refers to writing that includes unnecessary words."Wordiness" refers to the use of unnecessary words to express ideas that can be expressed with fewer words. Note that a sentence is not "wordy"just because it is long.A sentence can be long and concise. Nor is a paragraph or an essay necessarily wordy just because it is long.

3. You own it! • If your name is on the paper, readers know to expect your thoughts, opinions, and ideas. You do not to remind your audience of your thinking by using: • I think thatI believe thatI feel thatin my opinionIt is my belief thatIt is my opinion that I think cats make the worst pets. (wordy) Cats make the worst pets. (concise) In my opinion, caller I.D. is an invasion of privacy. (wordy) Caller I.D. is an invasion of privacy. (concise)

4. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers • Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. • Wordy • Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. • Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. • More Concise • Any dessert is fine with me. • Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.

5. A list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer: kind of sort of type of specific really basically for all intents and purposes particular definitely actually generally individual Wordy For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. More Concise American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors. Prune those common words/phrases…

6. Change phrases into single words Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible. Look for prepositions to eliminate. Wordy • The employee with ambition... • The department showing the best performance... • Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the department of data processing. More Concise • The ambitious employee... • The best-performing department... • At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department. • As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases.

7. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences • Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. • Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose. • Take the following example: "It is imperative that we find a solution." The same meaning could be expressed with this more succinct wording: "We must find a solution.“ • The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. • In most cases, you can create a more concise sentence by eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun. Wordy • It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. • There are four rulesthat should be observed: ... • There was a big explosion, whichshook the windows, and there were many people running into the street. More Concise • The governor signs or vetoes bills. • Four rules should be observed:... • A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.

8. Use active rather than passive verbs Wordy • An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. • Your figures were checked by the research department. More Concise • Mrs. Simms opened an account. • The research department checked your figures.

9. Active Voice • In sentences written in active voice, the subjectperforms the actionexpressed in the verb; The object appears after the subject.

10. Passive Voice • In sentences written in passive voice, the subject receives the action expressed in the verb; the subject is acted upon. The agent performing the action may appear in a "by the . . ." phrase or may be omitted.

11. as regards in reference to with regard to concerning the matter of where ________ is concerned it is crucial that it is necessary that there is a need/necessity for it is important that cannot be avoided =about =must, should More wordy constructions + alternatives

12. is able to has the opportunity to has the capacity for has the ability to it is possible that there is a chance that it could happen that the possibility exists for = can =may, might, could Wordy constructions cont’d More Concise Nothing may come of these preparations. She can influence the outcome. We must take a stand on this pressing issue. Wordy It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations. She has the ability to influence the outcome. It is necessary that we take a stand on this pressing issue.

13. past memories various differences each individual basic fundamentals true facts important essentials future plans terrible tragedy end result final outcome free gift past history unexpected surprise sudden crisis Omit repetitive wordingThe following is a list of redundant wording:

14. large in size often times of a bright color heavy in weight period in time round in shape at an early time economics field of cheap quality honest in character of an uncertain condition in a confused state unusual in nature extreme in degree of a strange type Redundant Categories Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is a color, that shiny is an appearance. In each of the following phrases, the general category term can be dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word:

15. due to the fact that (because)because of the fact that (because)at this point in time (now)at that point in time (then)he is a man who (he)in today's world (today)this day and age (today)has the ability (can)in order to (to)during the same time that (when)during the time that (while)until such time as (until)in spite of the fact that (although)by means of (by) be of the opinion that (think)disappear from view (disappear) tall in height (tall)small in size (small)short in length (short)in a hasty manner (hastily)this is a subject that (this subject)the reason why is that (because)the question as to whether (whether)under the impression that (believe, think)given the fact that (because)each and every one (every one)put forth an effort (try)whole entire (whole or entire) One more listAVOID(use these instead)

16. Use intense words, not intensifiers • These are words that George Orwell has called "the leeches that infest the pond of prose." Rather than adding energy to the words they modify—presumably their purpose—they actually siphon it away. Examples of what NOT to write: • rather(as in"ratherinteresting") • quite(as in "quiteappetizing") • little(as in "alittletired") • pretty(as in "prettygood") • really("reallyimpressive")

17. Remember…Description = • better, stronger words • NOT more words!

18. The best description is vivid and concise… End of presentation.

19. Your Turn Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess. (27 words) Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess. (9 words)

20. Your Turn Baseball, one of our oldest and most popluar outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it. (77 words) Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action. (11 words)

21. Your Turn For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are rally more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. (26 words) American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors. (11 words)

22. Your Turn The employee with ambition . . . (4 words) The ambitious employee . . . (3 words)

23. Your Turn As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything else is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns rather than verbs. (53 words) As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases. (13 words)

24. Your Turn The function of this department is the collection of accounts. (10 words) This department collects accounts. (4 words)