Conciseness

1. Conciseness Say what you mean to say . . .

2. Parallel Structure • When writing in a series, use the same pattern of words to show that ideas have the same level of importance. • Develop an ‘ear’ for the sounds or the rhythm will be broken. • Using parallel structure in your writing helps with: • 1) economy • 2) clarity • 3) equality • 4) delight

3. Create a sentence • Create a sentence using the following words: Mary to hike, swimming, rode

5. 1. Words and phrases • Her upbringing made her neat, polite and an obnoxious person. • The production manager was asked to write his report fast, accurately, and in a detailed manner. • The teacher said that he was a poor student because he waited until the last minute to study for the exam, completed his lab problems in a careless manner, and his motivation was low.

7. 2. CORRELATIVE CONJUNCTIONS: When you connect two clauses or phrases with a correlative conjunction (not only …but also, either…or, neither …nor, if …then, etc.), use parallel structure. • My dog not only likes to play fetch, but also chase cars.

8. 3. Clauses A parallel structure that begins with clauses must keep on with clauses. (Changing the voice of the verb from passive to active will break the parallelism). • The coach told the players that they should get a lot of sleep, that they should not eat too much, and to do some warm-up exercises before the game. • The salesman expected that he would present his product at the meeting, that there would be time for him to show his slide presentation and that questions would be asked by prospective buyers.

9. 4. Phrases or Clauses of Comparison When connecting two clauses or phrases with a word of comparison, such as than or as, use parallel structure. • I would rather pay for my education than financial aid.

10. 5. Lists after a colon Be sure to keep all the elements in a list in the same form. • The dictionary can be used for these purposes: to find word meanings, pronunciations, correct spellings, and looking up irregular verbs.

11. Practice • We listened to the radio which broadcast an interesting interview. • After the scream we had heard the whistling of wind, creaking of doors, and footsteps. • We found the film repulsive, offensive, and we thought it was embarrassing. • I am dissatisfied with the quality of your product and the treatment I have received from your staff has made me most upset.

12. Sentence Combining • Sentence combining is one of the most effective writing techniques you can practice. It is generally carried out in the following ways: 1). Use a __series__ to combine three or more similar ideas. • Ex. The tornado struck the small town without warning, causing extensive damage, numerous injuries, and several deaths.

13. 2). Use a ____relative pronoun______(who, whose, that, which ) to introduce the subordinate (less important ideas. • Ex. The tornado, which was completely unexpected, swept through the small town, causing extensive damage, numerous injuries, and several deaths.

14. 3). Use an __introductory phrase or clause___for the less important ideas. • Ex. Because the tornado was completely unexpected, it caused extensive damage, numerous injuries, and several deaths.

15. 4). Use a __participial phrase___(-ing, -ed) at the beginning or end of a sentence. • Ex. The tornado swept through the small town without warning, leaving behind a trail of death and destruction.

16. 5). Usea ___semi-colon or a conjunctive adverb___. • Ex. The tornado swept through the small town without warning; as a result, it caused extensive damage, numerous injuries, and several deaths.

17. 6). Repeat a __key word or phrase__to emphasize an idea. • Ex. The tornado left a permanent scar on the small town, a scar of destruction, injury, and death.

18. 7). Use a __correlative conjunction____(either, or; not only, but also) to compare or contrast two ideas in a sentence. • Ex. The tornado inflicted not only immense property damage, but alsoimmeasurable human suffering.

19. 8). Use an __appostive__(a word or phrase that renames) to emphasize an idea. • Ex. A single incident—a tornado that came without warning—changed the face of the small town forever.

20. Make it concise! Directions: Rewrite the following paragraph by combining sentences. Try to use as many of the above techniques as you can, but be careful not to create run-ons. • A train wreck has occurred. Mrs. Mallard’s husband is listed as dead. His name is Brently. Mrs. Mallard’s sister Josephine tells her the sad news gently. She knows Mrs. Mallard has a weak heart. Mrs. Mallard starts crying. She goes to her bedroom. She is in shock. She looks out the window. She realizes she is free! She won’t have to do what her husband says anymore. Her new freedom fills her with joy. Mrs. Mallard’s sister Josephine is worried. She asks Mrs. Mallard to come out of the bedroom. Mrs. Mallard leaves the bedroom. The front door opens. Mr. Mallard walks in. The report of his death has been an error. Mrs. Mallard sees her husband. Mrs. Mallard screams and dies. The doctors come. They say that her heart could not handle the sudden joy of seeing her husband alive.

21. Self-Evaluation • Highlight each of your in-text citations. You should have at least 3. • Studies show that adolescents are impacted by their friends (Clouse).

22. Self-Evaluation • What is the main idea of your essay? Write it above your title.

23. Self-Evaluation • What is the main idea of your essay? Write it above your title. • Underline the sentence in your intro that best reveals this main idea.

24. Self-Evaluation • What is the main idea of each of your paragraphs? Sum it up in one sentence (it can be a long sentence), in the margin beside each paragraph.

25. Self-Evaluation • In the margin, write whether you chose block or point-by-point formatting.

26. Show Don’t Tell • Tell: I wasn’t like all the other girls. • Show: As much as I now reject the notion of changing myself to become liked, I cannot say that I am not guilty of doing so. The awkward pubescent years of middle school are times many wish to forget. For me, I’ve shed the image I portrayed (or tried to portray) in 6th grade. All the programming on television seemed to glorify one characterization of a girl: blonde, flirtatious, thin, straight-haired, and just dumb enough to be funny. My childhood of digging in the dirt was instantly rejected by my peers: I was weird. Awkward.

27. Show Don’t Tell Your examples might look like this: • Generation Y is different from the Baby Boomers. • Generation X does different things than their parents.

28. Tone and Audience • What tone are you using in your essay? Write it below your title. • What audience are you writing for? Write it below your title.

29. Tone and Word Choice • Highlight all of your word choices that point back to this tone/audience throughout your essay.

30. Tone and Word Choice • Highlight all of your word choices that point back to this tone/audience throughout your essay. • Now track for words that fail to point to your tone. Place a box around these words for future reference.

31. Strong Verbs • Circle all weak helping verbs.

32. Helping verbs maymightmust  bebeingbeenamare • couldwould • havehadhas • willcanshall iswaswere dodoesdid should

33. Strong Verbs • Circle all weak helping verbs. • By circling these words, you are acknowledging that you will consider if it needs to be changed (i.e. passive to active or stronger verb)

34. Active Voice • Circle all instances of “by” in your essay. Make a note if you are writing in passive voice.

35. Conciseness • Analyze your sentence beginnings. In your first paragraph, highlight each of your sentence beginnings. • Is there repetition or variation?

36. Conciseness • Analyze your sentence beginnings. In your first paragraph, highlight each of your sentence beginnings. • Is there repetition or variation? • Move to the next paragraph and do the same . . .

37. Conciseness • You need to use 3 out of the 8 different sentence combining techniques in your final draft. • Make notes or changes where you can implement these. • Look to see where your rhythm is choppy or repetitive.

38. Sentence Patterns • Identify your simple sentences and compound sentences. • Label SS or CS • Is there a pattern?

39. Sentence Patterns • Identify your simple sentences and compound sentences. • Label SS or CS • You should have at least one simple sentence for effect.

40. Revision Workshop • Erin G. • Kevin W. • Jon G. • Tim H.