Additional Ideas For Marriage and Family

1. Additional Ideas For Marriage and Family "All happy families resemble one another, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own fashion." Leo TolstoyAnna Karenina

2. The Family Strengths Perspective Basic Assumptions: • All families have strengths, regardless of problems. • Families have great potential for growth. • Families can have the quality of family life they want with intentional effort. Basic Research Question: • What’s right with families? Basic Educational/Therapeutic Approach: • Identify and build on existing strengths Alternative Opposite Approach: • Problem-focused Perspective • Assumes problems • Asks “What’s wrong?” • Identifies and works to eliminate problem areas

3. Nine Research Based Characteristics • Caring and Appreciation • Time Together • Encouragement • Commitment • Communication • Adaptive Ability • Spirituality • Community and Family Ties • Clear Responsibilities

4. Cohesion Disengaged Separated Connected Enmeshed Chaotic Flexible The “Circumplex Model” of Family Systems (David Olsen) Adaptability Structured Rigid More on Adaptability “Circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” Proclamation, ¶7

5. Another Idea: Learning Through Good Books • From President Hinckley"Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations," Liahona, June 1996, 3 The observance of four simple things on the part of parents would in a generation or two turn our societies around in terms of their moral values. They are simply these: Let parents and children (1) teach and learn goodness together, (2) work together, (3) read good books together, and (4) pray together.I feel sorry for I parents who do not read to their young children. I feel sorry for children who do not learn the wonders to be found in good books, or how stimulating an experience it is to get into the mind of a great thinker as that person expresses himself or herself, with language cultivated and polished, concerning great and important issues.

6. More on Good Books • From President Monson"Hallmarks of a Happy Home," Ensign, Oct. 2001, 3 There are…identifying features which are to be found in a happy home, whatever the number or description of its family members. I refer to these as “Hallmarks of a Happy Home.” They consist of: 1. A pattern of prayer. 2. A library of learning. 3. A legacy of love. 4. A treasury of testimony. Reading is one of the true pleasures of life. In our age of mass culture, when so much that we encounter is abridged, adapted, adulterated, shredded, and boiled down, it is mind-easing and mind-inspiring to sit down privately with a congenial book. Books are keys to wisdom's treasure; Books are gates to lands of pleasure; Books are paths that upward lead; Books are friends. Come, let us read. Emilie Poulsson

7. Another Idea: Harmonizing Through Music • From the First PresidencyMusic has boundless powers for moving families toward greater spirituality and devotion to the gospel. Latter-day Saints should fill their homes with the sound of worthy music. (Hymns, p. x) • From Others"The universal language of music has the ability to lift people to their feet and also to greater heights in their lives. Spirituality can be enhanced, physical abilities can be magnified, and emotions can be tempered through music. The Lord has always recognized its power.“Randy and Susan Boothe, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” Ensign, Aug. 1992, 22

8. Promotes Proclamation principles: Increases faith IS a prayer Eases repentance and forgiveness Sends messages of love, respect, compassion Enhances work and wholesome recreational activities An Excellent Means to: Beauty (helps home environment) Sharing and Service (for and outside of family) Ritual (enhance moments) Learning (stimulus, brain development, skill building, discipline, truths) Bonding (harmonizing, dancing) Unity and Identity (common language, family song!) More on Music • Other good references: • Sally Peterson Brinton, “Blessing Your Home with Music,” Ensign, Mar. 1983, 37 • “I Have Learned to Sing,” Ensign, Sept. 1984, pp. 40-43

9. Another Idea: Stretching Through Service • From President Monson“Heavenly Homes, Forever Families,” Ensign, Oct. 1991, 2 Kneel down to pray. Step up to serve. Reach out to rescue. Each is a vital page of God’s blueprint to make a house a home and a home a heaven. • From the ProclamationParents have a sacred duty to teach their children to love and serve.

10. Another Idea: Rejoicing Through Celebration • From ScriptureBehold, he [that] rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift (D&C 88:33) • From OthersIf we truly want to have the Spirit of the Lord and experience joy and happiness, we should rejoice in our blessings and be grateful.Elder Quentin L. Cook, “Rejoice!” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 28Sometimes our family life gets only the cold leftovers of our weary lives…Sometimes we miss the joy because we don’t think about it.The great moments of our lives become yellow and faded photographs in a forgotten drawer of life or they are smiling, energizing reminders of why we live that hang in the galleries of our homes and minds. The difference is whether we neglect the moments or enjoy them and feature them. We can program our minds and lives so that the theme of our family life is pain and disappointment (There certainly is plenty of that!) or joy and celebration. The difference is in whether we choose to ruminate or to celebrate.H. Wallace GoddardCelebrating Family Life: Adding Glory to Your Family’s Story, (manuscript)