EFFECTIVE PARENTING

1. EFFECTIVE PARENTING A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

2. PRIMARY OBJECTIVES • Establish an understanding of the biblical role of a parent. • Provide practical and useful tools parents can use to increase their effectiveness.

3. Who will benefit from this discussion? • God’s children • As much as you may admire your parents, we all have made mistakes (including your parents). • Children • Parents • Grandparents • Great-grandparents

4. Who do you think you are? • Child of God disciplined by God • Child of parents who exercised authority • College Trained Public School Educator • 25 years teaching experience • Successful father of three young adults

5. Who does God hold responsible? Children

6. Who does God hold responsible? Parents ^ Children

7. Who does God hold responsible? Dad & Mom Parents ^ Children

8. Who does God hold responsible? Dad ^ Dad & Mom Parents ^ Children

9. PARENTAL OBSTACLES • Alcoholism/Drug Abuse • Step-parents • Dr. Benjamin Spock

10. PARENTAL PROBLEMS • Alcoholism/Drug Abuse • Step-parents • Dr. Benjamin Spock • Cultures of Female Deity Worship

11. What is in mankind? “Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing. But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man.” John 2:23-25

12. We are like a pot, a bottle, a glass… • We can pour cranberry juice into it, or • power steering fluid. • Both are red, but one is lethal. • Holy Spirit, or unholy spirits?

13. How do children perceive themselves? As the center of the universe! • ‘My child would never do anything like that!’ • Later in life: ‘He just is not capable of doing such a thing!’

14. NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER EVER, EVER ASK A CHILD WHAT THEY WANT! In doing so you are … • … teaching them to “want.” • … making them feel as though you don’t know what is best for them. • … making decisions for the household based on what they “want,” giving them the power to make decisions for the parents and the household.

15. South American Sears Manufacturing Plant • Built facility • Hired employees • 1st pay check - more than previous year’s income • Monday-factory was barren

16. IDEA! • Give out Sears catalogs to everyone! • Factory never closed again.

17. God’s desire for us • “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1 • “Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33

18. NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER EVER, EVER CALL A CHILD NAMES! • “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”Matthew 5:21-22 • Modern terminology – idiot, jerk, stupid…

19. Teach your children … “You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth.” Deuteronomy 11:18-21

20. Educating Relationships • 10 Commandments • Relationship with God • Relationship with others • Manners • Children should • … politely respond when addressed - i.e. speak when spoken to • … say “thank you” • You must know what they are learning • Oneg • Chores: learn responsibility, learn to enjoy working – acquire a sense of accomplishment

21. THIS IS LOVE • “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.”Revelation 3:19 • “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”Ephesians 6:4 • “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”Proverbs 13:24 • “Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.”Proverbs 23:13-14 • “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Proverbs 29:15

22. How old is old enough to be disciplined? When they demonstrate blatant defiance i.e. You know they know what they should not do, but they do it anyway.

23. Don’t wait until you can’t take it anymore!

24. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT • Catch the child doing good! • Try to give rewards for right behavior, rather than focusing on what they do wrong. • Talk with your child/children (turn off the television/computer/play station) • Engage in activities with your children • Let your children witness you in a posture of humility before the Lord.

25. One-in-Seven Rule • Reward good behavior one out of seven times. • Works both ways, i.e. negative behavior that goes unrecognized only one out of seven occurrences reinforces the negative behavior. • Consistency is crucial! • Too much work?