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Chapter 5 Loving Ourselves and Others. Personal Ties in an Impersonal Society What is Love? Two Things Love Isn’t Self-Esteem as a Prerequisite to Loving Love as Discovery. What Is Love?. Love is a deep and vital emotion. Love satisfies legitimate personal needs.
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Chapter 5Loving Ourselves and Others • Personal Ties in an Impersonal Society • What is Love? • Two Things Love Isn’t • Self-Esteem as a Prerequisite to Loving • Love as Discovery
What Is Love? • Love is a deep and vital emotion. • Love satisfies legitimate personal needs. • Love involves caring and acceptance.
Triangle Theory of Love Three components of love: • Intimacy - close, connected feelings. • Passion - drives that lead to romance, physical attraction and sexual consummation. • Commitment -the decision to love someone and to maintain that love.
Triangle Theory of Love Three components develop at different times: • Passion is quickest to develop and quickest to fade. • Intimacy develops more slowly. • Commitment develops gradually.
Six Love Styles • Eros • Storge • Pragma • Agape • Ludus • Mania
Love Isn’t Martyring Martyrs may: • Be reluctant to suggest what they want. • Allow others to be constantly late and never protest. • Help loved ones develop talents while neglecting their own. • Be sensitive to others’ feelings and hide their own.
Love Isn’t Manipulation Manipulators may: • Ask others to do something that they could do. • Assume that others will happily do whatever they choose. • Be consistently late. • Want others to help them develop their talents but seldom think of reciprocating.
Six Pillars of Self-esteem • The practice of living consciously. • The practice of self-acceptance. • The practice of self-responsibility. • The practice of self-assertiveness. • The practice of living purposefully. • The practice of personal integrity.
Self-Esteem and Personal Relationships People with low self-esteem • Experience a persistent need for affection. • Are on the alert for criticism and remember it for a long time afterward. • Often miss cues that other people are interested. • Are prepared for rejection.
Three Basic Styles of Attachment • Secure - Trust that the relationship will provide necessary and ongoing support. • Insecure/anxious - Concern that the beloved will disappear, a “fear of abandonment”. • Avoidant - Evades relationships or establishes distance in intimate situations.
Wheel Theory of Love Four stages of love • Rapport - rests on mutual trust and respect • Self-revelation - sharing intimate information • Mutual dependency - developing interdependence • Personality need fulfillment - developing emotional exchange and support