Unit 5 Improving Your Writing

1. Unit 5Improving Your Writing

2. Chapter 21 Revising for Consistency and Parallelism

3. Consistent Tense Consistency of tense means using the same verb tense throughout a sentence or an entire paragraph. Do not shift from one verb tense to another— e.g., from present to past or from past to present—unless you really mean to indicate different times. Inconsistent tense: We stroll down Bourbon Street as the jazz bands began to play. Consistent tense: We strolled down Bourbon Street as the jazz bands began to play. Consistent tense: We stroll down Bourbon Street as the jazz bands begin to play.

4. Consistency of Number Consistency of number means avoiding confusing shifts from singular to plural or from plural to singular within a sentence or paragraph. Choose either singular or plural; then be consistent. Inconsistent number: The wise jogger chooses their running shoes with care. Consistent number: The wise jogger chooses his or her running shoes with care. Consistent number: Wise joggers choose their running shoes with care.

5. Consistency of Person Consistency of person means using the same person, or indefinite pronoun form, throughout a sentence or paragraph. First person: The most personal and informal in written work: (singular) I, (plural) we Second person: Speaks directly to the reader: (singular and plural) you Third person: The most formal and most frequently used in college writing: (singular) he, she, it, one, a person, an individual, a student, and so on; (plural) they, people, individuals, students, and so on

6. Consistency of Person Avoid confusing shifts from one person to another. Choose one, and then be consistent. Inconsistent person: A player collects $200 when you pass “Go.” Consistent person: A player collects $200 when he or she passes “Go.” Consistent person: You collect $200 whenyou pass “Go.”

7. Inconsistencies of Person and Number Inconsistencies of person and number can occur together: Inconsistent person and number: Whether one enjoys or resents commercials, we are bombarded with them every hour of the day. Consistent person and number: Whether we enjoy or resent commercials, we are bombarded with them every hour of the day. Consistent person and number: Whether one enjoys or resents commercials, he or she (or one) is bombarded with them every hour of the day.

8. Parallelism Parallelism, or parallel structure, is an effective way to add smoothness and power to your writing. Parallelism is a balance of two or more similar words, phrases, or clauses.

9. Sentences 2, 4, and 6 below use parallelism to express parallel ideas. Explain why this is so. She likes dancing, swimming, and to box. She likes dancing, swimming, and boxing. The cable runs across the roof; the north wall is where it runs down. The cable runs across the roof and down the north wall. He admires people with strong convictions and who think for themselves. He admires people who have strong convictions and who think for themselves.

10. EXPLORING ONLINE http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/ consistency.htm Review consistency with examples,“repairs,” and self tests

11. Chapter 22 Revising for Sentence Variety

12. Good writers pay attention to sentence variety. They notice how sentences work together within a paragraph. They seek a mix of different sentence lengths and types. Experienced writers have a variety of sentence patterns from which to choose.

13. Mix Long and Short Sentences Note the powerful effect of short sentences used between longer ones: (1) Biting into a tabasco pepper is like aiming a flame-thrower at your parted lips. (2) There might be little reaction at first, but then the burn starts to grow. (3) A few seconds later the chili mush in your mouth reaches critical mass and your palate prepares for liftoff. (4) The message spreads. (5) The sweat glands open, your eyes stream, your nose runs, your stomach warms up, your heart accelerates, and your lungs breathe faster. (6) All this is normal. (7) But bite off more than your body can take, and you will be left coughing, sneezing, and spitting. (8) Tears stripe your cheeks, and your mouth belches like a dragon celebrating its return to life. (9) Eater beware! —Jeremy MacClancy, Consuming Culture: Why You Eat What You Eat

14. Use a Question, a Command, or an Exclamation The most commonly used sentence is the declarative sentence, which is a statement. An occasional carefully placed question, command, or exclamation is an effective way to achieve sentence variety.

15. The Question • A rhetorical question used as a topic sentence can provide a colorful change from the usual declarative sentences: • Is America really the best-fed nation in the world? • What is courage? • Why do more young people take drugs today than ever before?

16. The Command and the Exclamation This paragraph begins and ends with commands, or imperative sentences, and includes exclamation paragraphs. (1) Try to imagine using failure as a description of an animal’s behavior. (2) Consider a dog barking for fifteen minutes, and someone saying, “He really isn’t very good at barking, I’d give him a C.” (3) How absurd! (4) It is impossible for an animal to fail because there is no provision for evaluating natural behavior. (5) Spiders construct webs, not successful or unsuccessful webs. (6) Cats hunt mice; if they aren’t successful in one attempt, they simply go after another. (7) They don’t lie there and whine, complaining about the one that got away, or have a nervous breakdown because they failed. (8) Natural behavior simply is! (9) So apply the same logic to your own behavior and rid yourself of the fear of failure. —Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Your Erroneous Zones

17. Vary the Beginnings of Sentences Begin with an Adverb A comma usually follows an adverb that introduces a sentence; however, adverbs of time—often, now, always—do not always require a comma. As a general rule, use a comma if you want the reader to pause briefly. Begin with a Prepositional Phrase A prepositional phrase is a group of words containing a preposition and its object (a noun or pronoun). To you, in the evening, and under the old bridge are prepositional phrases.

18. Join Ideas with a Compound Predicate A sentence with a compound predicate contains more than one verb, but the subject is not repeatedbefore the second verb. Such a sentence is really composed of two simple sentences with the same subject: The nurse entered. The nurse quickly closed the door. The nurse entered and quickly closed the door. (When sentences 1 and 2 are combined with a compound predicate in sentence 3, the nurse is the subject of both entered and closed but is not repeated before the second verb.)

19. Join Ideas with an -ing Modifier An excellent way to achieve sentence variety is by occasionally combining two sentences with an -ing modifier. He peered through the microscope. He discovered a squiggly creature. Peering through the microscope, he discovered a squiggly creature. (An -ing modifier indicates that two actions are occurring at the same time. The main idea of the sentence should be contained in the main clause, not in the –ing modifier: the discovery of the creature is the main idea, not the fact that someone peered through a microscope.)

20. Join Ideas with a Past Participial Modifier Some sentences can be joined with a past participial modifier. A sentence that contains a to be verb and a past participle can be changed into a past participial modifier: Judith is trapped in a dead-end job. Judith decided to enroll at the local community college. Trapped in a dead-end job, Judith decided to enroll at the local community college. (In sentence 3, sentence 1 has been made into a past participial modifier by dropping the helping verb is and the subject Judith. The past participle trapped now introduces the new sentence.)

21. Join Ideas with an Appositive Another way to add variety to your writing is to combine two choppy sentences with an appositive. An appositive is a word or group of words that renames or describes a noun or pronoun: Carlos is the new wrestling champion. He is a native of Argentina. Carlos, a native of Argentina, is the new wrestling champion. A native of Argentina, Carlos is the new wrestling champion. (A native of Argentina in sentences 3 and 4 is an appositive. It renames the noun Carlos. An appositive must be placed either directly after the word it refers to, as shown in 3, or directly before it, as shown in 4.)

22. Join Ideas with a Relative Clause A relative clause begins with who, which, or that and describes a noun or pronoun. It can join two simple sentences in a longer, more complex sentence: Jack just won a scholarship from the Arts Council. He makes wire sculpture. Jack, who makes wire sculpture, just won a scholarship from the Arts Council. (In sentence 3, who makes wire sculpture is a relative clause, created by replacing the subject he of sentence 2 with the relative pronoun who. Who now introduces the subordinate relative clause and connects it to the rest of the sentence. Note that who directly follows the word it refers to, Jack.)

23. Avoid Misplaced and Confusing Modifiers Revise your work to avoid misplaced, confusing, or dangling modifiers. Perching on a scarecrow in the cornfield, the farmer saw a large crow. (Probably the writer did not mean that the farmer was perching on a scarecrow. Who or what, then, was perching on a scarecrow in the cornfield? Perching refers to the crow, but the order of the sentence does not show this. This misplaced modifier can be corrected by turning the ideas around, as shown below.) The farmer saw a large crow perching on a scarecrow in the cornfield.

24. EXPLORING ONLINE http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/ combining_skills.htm Add sophistication to your writing. Review and scroll down for interactive, sentence-combining quizzes.

25. Chapter 23 Revising for Language Awareness

26. Exact Language: Avoiding Vagueness Good writers express their ideas as exactly as possible, choosing specific, concrete, and vivid words and phrases. They do not settle for vague terms and confusing generalities.

27. Concise Language: Avoiding Wordiness Concise writing comes quickly to the point. It avoids wordiness—unnecessary and repetitious words that add nothing to the meaning.

28. Fresh Language: Avoiding Triteness Fresh writing uses original and lively words. It avoids clichés, those tired and trite expressions that have lost their power from overuse.

29. Figurative Language: Similes and Metaphors One way to add sparkle and exactness to your writing is to use a simile or metaphor. A simile is a comparison of two things using the word like or as. “He was as ugly as a wart.” —Anne Sexton “The frozen twigs of the huge tulip poplar next to the hill clack in the cold like tinsnips.” —Annie Dillard A metaphor is a similar comparison without the word like or as. “My soul is a dark forest.” —D. H. Lawrence Love is a virus.

30. EXPLORING ONLINE http://www.ccc.commnet.edu/sensen/part3/sixteen/techniques_using.html Practice choosing exact language.

31. Chapter 24 Putting Your Revision Skills to Work

32. Revising • Revising requires that you rethink and rewrite with such questions as these in mind: • Can a reader understand and follow my ideas? • Is my topic sentence or thesis statement clear? • Does the body of my paragraph or essay fully support the topic or thesis statement? • Does my paragraph or essay have unity? • Does my paragraph or essay have coherence? • Does my writing conclude, not just leave off? • Are my verb tenses and pronouns consistent? • Have I used parallel structure? • Have I varied the length and type of my sentences? • Is my language exact, concise, and fresh?

33. Revising Many writers first revise and rewrite with questions these in mind. They do not worry about grammar and minor errors at this stage. In a separate, final process, they proofread for spelling and grammatical errors.

34. EXPLORING ONLINE http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/ 561/01 Guidance for the writer about to revise and proofread.