Improving descriptive writing

1. Improving descriptive writing There was a noise of a train. I see a ray of light slanting in through the glass. There was a noise of a rat in the corner. I could smell smoke. It slowly fills the room. 2. Improve: There is a child walking towards me. I can see a light glimmering in the distance. I can see a bird flying past. There is a low table in the corner. I can hear a fridge humming.

2. Simple sentences • A main clause • It has to have a subject • A verb • One main ‘thought’ eg • The cat sat down. • He went to the car. • It rained.

3. Compound sentences because inspite of and but even though although despite so • Two main clauses linked together • It rained. The cars drove slowly.

4. Compound sentences because inspite of and but even though although despite so • Two main clauses linked together • It rained so the cars drove slowly. • It rained and the cars drove slowly. • It rained but the cars drove slowly. • Because it rained, the cars drove slowly.

5. Compound sentences because inspite of and but even though although despite so • Two main clauses linked together • It rained so the cars drove slowly. • The tree waved its branches. The wind blew strongly. • We ran onto the ship. The walkway was slippery. • He read his book. It was gripping.

6. Complex sentences • Simple sentence (main clause) eg the cat sat down • Subordinate clause egcrying softly • The cat sat down, crying softly. • Crying softly, the cat sat down. • The cat, crying softly, sat down.

7. Complex sentences - using frontal clauses • The cloud hung low. It hugged the slopes. • The cloud hung low, hugging the slopes • Hugging the slopes, the cloud hung low • The cloud, hugging the slopes, hung low • The boy turned round (he felt sad) = Feeling sad, the boy ... • The birds sang (the sun was shining) = The sun shining, the birds ... • The girl looked up (she was crossing the road) = Crossing ... • I punched him (I looked straight into his eyes) • The dog howled (it was limping) • He left the room (he had cleared his desk) = Having ... • She left the bank (she had taken all her money out)

8. Using semi-colons = INSTANT MARKS! A semi-colon links two related, separate main clauses (or sentences) eg • The window slammed shut. We all turned round. • The window slammed shut; we all turned round. • NOT The window slamming shut; we turned around (because first clause is not a main clause – it needs a comma) Which of the following could use a semi-colon? (You could use a hyphen ...) • The cat wailed. The dog looked nervous. • The clouds gathered. It began to rain. • He entered the room. They looked up. • She picked up bag. The bell went and she left. • Having thought it through carefully, she got on the train. • The head teacher started to cry. The year 11 student smiled. • It was 8.30. She was late.

9. Comment on the differences • There are trees all around me. I can see a farm in the distance. I walk slowly down the lane and move quickly past the barn. I hear an owl screech. I turn around. No one is there. • There are dark trees which cast shadows over the gravel in front of me. I stagger slowly down the lane, at first hesitantly, but then I scuttle past the crumbling barn. The distant shriek of an owl cuts the air like a knife, and I spin round. I shiver, but no one is there. • Tall, dark trees crowd in on me. Through a long tunnel, the white farmhouse winks at me. Safety. Scuttling past the old barn, my feet crunch on loose gravel. A shriek tears the air. I spin around and shiver, but no one is there.

10. Plenary • Identify three useful learning points from this lesson, explaining why