Family Circle Meeting #2 August 10, 2008

1. Family Circle Meeting #2August 10, 2008 Topic Family Dynamics in Islam Presented by: Nada Abdo :o)

2. Topics: • Mothers (in Quran and Hadith) • Islamic Parenting • Children as mentioned in Quran • Rights of Children • Rights of Parents • Respect for Parents • Fathers • Closing Remarks: Questions/ Comments/ Discussion from Audience

3. Mothers The Prophet Muhammad said: “Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai). Ask your mom to lift her feet, so you can locate where Jannah is. Then tell others about your discovery by sharing what Islam has to say about moms and their importance in our lives.”

4. Mothers: Quranic References • 1."We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15). • 2. "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(17:23-24).

5. Mothers: Hadith References • 1. The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him: Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai). • 2. A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).

6. Mothers: Quranic References (cont.) • “We have enjoined on man and woman kindness to parents; but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not‘” (29:8). • 4. "We have enjoined on man and woman (to be good) to his/her parents; show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is (thy final) Goal. If they (parents) strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love)" (31:14-15).

7. Mothers: Hadith References (cont.) 4. Abdullah ibnAmr related that the Messenger of Allah said: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim). 5. It is narrated by Asmabint Abu Bakr that during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who was then pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival and also that she needed help. He said: Be good to your mother (Bukhari, Muslim). • 3. Abu UsaidSaidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and IbnMajah).

8. Mothers: Q&A • Have you ever said “uff” to your mom? • "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt (Uff), nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(Quran 17:23-24). • Do you disobey your mom? • Abdullah ibnAmr related that the Messenger of Allah said, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim). • Do you send your mom gifts? • Aisha narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Exchange gifts with one another, for they remove ill feelings from the hearts (Tirmidhi).

9. Mothers: “What if….” • If your mom is a non-Muslim • If your mom is a non-Muslim, try fasting for a day (Nafil or extra fasting), and keep thinking and praying for her. Ask Allah that He guides her and ask Him what you can do to help her understand her own Creator. • If mom is not alive • If your mom is not alive, visit her relatives and friends and ask what you can do for them. Consider these two Hadiths (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him): • The Messenger of Allah said: When a person dies, his actions come to an end, except for three things: a continuing Sadaqa (charity), knowledge from which benefit is still being derived, and a righteous child who prays for her or him (translated meaning from Muslim). • Abu UsaidSaidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and IbnMajah).

10. Mothers: Hajj/Umra Lesson • Muslims who perform the Hajj or Umra must run in the middle portion of the distance between Safa and Marwa seven times. Safa and Marwa are two hills close to the Kaba. This is a commemoration of one mother's sacrifice for her son. • That mother was Hajira (may Allah be pleased with her). Her son was the Prophet Ismail (peace be upon him). Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) was Hajira's husband, and Ismail's father. • Hajira's example of sacrifice took place when she and her baby was left in the valley of Makkah by Allah's order as pioneers to start a civilization. • Here was the wife of a Prophet, the princess of the king of Egypt, left with her child in the desert. All for the sake of pleasing our Creator. • As Prophet Ibrahim headed for his next responsibility from Allah, he reached an area where Hajira and Ismail could not see him. At that point, he turned back, raising his hands in Dua and said, • "O Our Lord! I have made of my offspring to dwell in a valley without cultivation by Your Sacred House; in order Our Lord, that they may establish regular Prayer: so fill the hearts of some among men with love towards them, and feed them with fruits, so that they may give thanks." (Quran 14:37). • Hajira returned to her place and started drinking water from the water-skin, and her milk increased for her child. • But when she had used up all of the water, she ascended the Safa hill and looked, hoping to see somebody. • The area was empty. • She came down and then ran up to Marwa hill. She ran to and fro (between the two hills) many times, then went to check on her baby Ismail. • He was dying. And she could find no water for him or herself. • She could not watch her son perish. How could any mother? • 'If I go and look, I may find somebody,' she told herself. Then she went and ascended the Safa hill and looked for a long while but could not find anybody. • In all,Hajira ran seven rounds between Safa and Marwa, in the hot, waterless valley, where her thirsty baby lay. • She told herself to go back and check on Ismail. But suddenly she heard a voice: it was the Angel Jibreel. • 'Help us if you can offer any help," she said to him. • The angel hit the earth with his heel and water gushed out. Hajira was astonished and started digging. Allah, as she had rightly proclaimed, had not abandoned them. • Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), in the Hadith in Bukhari in which much of this incident is narrated, said, "If she (Hajira) had left the water, (flow naturally without her intervention), it would have been flowing on the surface of the earth." • Today we are bearing the fruits of this mother's struggle and sacrifice. Many of us drink and have drunk from the well of Zamzam. And those of us who have made Hajj run in a much more comfortable way than Hajira ever did, between Safa and Marwa. • Her commitment to her son, her sense of urgency and her unshakable faith in Allah in such harsh circumstances are all examples of not only what an excellent mother she was, but also what a strong believer in Allah she was. • If you're going to Hajj this year, Insha Allah, remember this incident and think of that great mother, in whose memory Muslims today run between Safa and Marwa. Also think about your own mother, and how she too, would probably have done the same for you.

11. Islamic Parenting • One of the greatest challenges a Muslim will ever face is being a parent • Allah tells us in the Quran that our children are our trial and as such we should take the task of parenting seriously, and start learning from each other

12. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Compassion (Rehmat) • Compassion is only one component of the concept of mercy (Rehmat) • Others include kindness, respect, and love. Prophet Muhammad expressed disappointment when a Bedouin told him how he had never kissed any of his ten children. • Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) stated, "He is not of us who does not have compassion for his fellow beings". • It is interesting to note that when it comes to Hadith like this or Quranic quotes dealing with human behavior, we never stop to think that our children and family members are also our fellow human beings and that these golden rules must also be applied to them.

13. Islamic Parenting (cont.)Consultation • The Prophet has related that Allah says "Oh My servant. I look on high handedness as something not permissible for myself, and I have forbidden it for you. So do not oppress each other". • When we consult with each other in the domestic realm, both husband and wife must show respect for each other. This is one of the best ways to bond and to learn to listen to each other and to resolve conflicts. However, the consultation will only be fruitful if it is sincere and not merely a formality. Imposition of one's ideas with scant regard to the welfare of the whole family unit defeats the purpose of the most important Quranic principle of Shura.

14. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Cooperation • Sura Al-Asr best demonstrates the concept of cooperation: "… counsel each other to the truth (Haq), and counsel each other to patience and fortitude (Sabr)". • When a family unit cooperates in this manner, they truly capture the spirit of Islam — the welfare of each member of the family becomes the concern of the other.

15. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Commitment • Family units should commit to Allah and His Prophet(s): "Obey Allah and His Prophet and those in authority over you" (Nisa). • Collective commitment gives Muslim families an identity and it allows them to map out their purpose — that is, we all belong to Allah and are accountable and responsible to Him.

16. Islamic Parenting (cont.) • Communication is more than talking. It is an essential part of family life. It is both talking in a manner in which others can understand you, and hearing in a manner in which you can listen and understand others. • So many times people claim that they have no communication problem since they are always talking. However, the majority of the time they are talking "at" and not talking "to". This mode usually results in the recipient tuning out. Many children at an early age learn to tune out their parents. • When communication is a means to listening, understanding, and exchanging ideas, it is the most powerful tool to effective parenting and the best shield against peer and societal pressures. • It also teaches children skills to problem solving. An important component of positive communication is a sense of humor when parents and children can laugh together. Communication can also be instrumental in passing down family history and thus creating oneness and togetherness by sharing a mutual heritage (children love to hear about family stories).

17. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Consistency • Effective parenting requires that we are consistent in our value judgments, discipline, and moral standards. Many parents inadvertently apply double standards to boys and girls when it comes to social behavior and domestic chores. This is unacceptable, and leads to sibling rivalry and stereotypical males and females. Confidentiality • Family is with whom we can feel safe and secure. Where we know our secrets are safe and where there is mutual trust. Unfortunately, parents often betray the trust of their children when they discuss their concerns, which they confide in them to outsiders. This leads to mistrust, and sooner or later our children will stop confiding in us. This may take them to find confidants outside the family, sometimes non-Muslim peers, and this can be detrimental to their spiritual and moral growth. Contentment (Tawakkul) • The greatest gift we can give our children is that of contentment. This can be developed very early in life by encouraging our children to give thanks to Allah for all they have by discouraging materialism by word and example, and by counting the blessings every night and remembering the less fortunate.

18. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Confidence • It is the duty of parents to build confidence in our children through encouragement and honest and sincere praise. By developing confidence, we give our children the courage to stand up for themselves and their beliefs and to be able to deal with opposition. Control • By teaching restraint and avoiding excess we develop in our children control so that they do not become slaves to their desires (Nafs). Calm • By encouraging and showing calm in matters of adversity and in times of panic we improve our Taqwa (God consciousness) and teach our children to rely on Allah and to turn to Allah alone for all needs. Courage • Courage of conviction can only be achieved when we have been able to teach our children true Islam. We should take advantage of every learning opportunity as a family so that our faith (Iman) flourishes and evolves towards Ihsan as a family unit. In this manner we can be a source of strength to each other.

19. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Critical Thinking • The Quran encourages us over and over again to think, reflect, ponder, understand and analyze. However, very rarely do. Parents must encourage children to ask questions. Our response to difficult inquiries from our children is to say "do it because I said so". This discourages the children from developing critical thinking. They become lazy and complacent and easy prey to cult type following. To take things at face value makes us vulnerable. Charitable • The most important attitude of a Muslim personality is, as Prophet Muhammad stated : "Do you not wish that Allah will forgive you? Then forgive your brothers and sisters". Many relationships break because people are not able to forgive each other. It is important that parents make up in front of their children by forgiving each other after an argument. Prophet Muhammad stated, "Like for your brother what you like for yourself". So if husband and wife expect respect from each other they should give respect. • A charitable nature also encourages us to overlook people with their shortcomings and to be sensitive and to have empathy.

20. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Competition • In Hadith, the Prophet said: "Look up to one who is greater in piety so you strive to be like him and look upon one who is below you in material status so that you may be thankful to Allah's Grace". • As a Muslim community we should strive to teach our children to be weary of passing along a competitive spirit to our children.

21. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Corruption • "If the truth was to follow their whims, the heaven and earth and all their inhabitants would be corrupt" (Quran part of 23:71). • Weak Nafs and diseases of the heart lead to poor character, which of course is the result of grudging submission and conditional faith. When we corrupt our Deen (religion) by picking and • choosing what we want, practicing what suits us best and resisting and outright opposing what does not suit our fancy, we pay an enormous price by losing ourselves to the Dunya, and driving our children away from Islam.

22. Islamic Parenting (cont.) Avoid… Carelessness • As Prophet Muhammad reminded us in his last sermon "Shaytan cannot mislead us in major issues of Faith but in minor issues". This is where our carelessness and lack of diligence can lead to weak character. Colonization • This is a mind set that many immigrant parents have passed down to their children — a sense of inferiority, a complex as such, that European and Western cultures are superior and better than that of their country of origin. This is a mentality that encourages imitation, following and serving rather than leadership.

23. Children in the Quran • The Qur'an uses various terms for children • Dhurriyya, ghulām, ibn, walad, walīd, mawlūd, ṣabī, tifl, saghir

24. Quran cautioned against several practices towards children that existed in Pre-Islamic Arabia: • Infanticide • Children as property

25. Children in the Quran (cont.) Adoption: • The Quran replaced the pre-Islamic custom of adoption by the recommendation that "believers treat children of unknown origin as their brothers in the faith and clients".

26. Children in the Quran (cont.) Breastfeeding: • The Qur'an forbids sexual relations between males and their milk-mothers or milk-sisters (4:23). • Verses 2:233 and 65:6 are aimed at protecting lactating women and their nurslings by guaranteeing them economic support from the father for at least two years and by sanctioning non-maternal nursing when needed.

27. Children in the Quran (cont.) • Surah 2: 233 states that mothers and fathers shall not have a burdens laid on them greater than they can bear • Mothers should breast-feed for 2 years and fathers should bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis • Neither Mothers nor fathers should not be treated unfairly on account of their children • If they both decide on weaning by mutual consent, then there is no sin on them

28. Children in the Quran (cont.) Fatherless Children • The Qur'an in 19 verses forbids harsh and oppressive treatment of orphan's children while urging kindness and justice towards them. • Muhammad himself was an orphan and an early Qur'anic verse 93:6-8 celebrates God's providence and care towards him. • Other Qur'anic verses identify those who repulse the orphan as unbelievers (107:2) rebuke those who do not honor the orphans and encourage the unbelievers to feed the orphans. • The Qur'an speaks of the reward waiting for those who feed orphans, poor and the prisoner for the love of God (76:8-9). It also warns those who wrongfully consume the property of orphans that they will be punished in the hereafter with "fire in their own bellies". • The Qur'an also gives concrete instructions to guardians regarding the orphans, particularly on how to protect their wealth and property rights.]

29. Children in the Quran (cont.) Rights of Children • Children have the right to be fed, clothed, and protected until they reach adulthood. • Children have the right to enjoy love and affection from their parents. • Children have the right to be treated equally, vis-a-vis their siblings in terms of financial gifts. • A tradition reports: • Prophet Muhammad was reported as saying: "Be fair and just in terms of the gifts you offer your children. If I was to give preference to any (gender over the other) I would have preferred females over males (in terms of giving gifts)." • Children have the right to education. • A saying attributed to Muhammad relates: "A father gives his child nothing better than a good education." • Parents are recommended to provide adequately for children in inheritance.

30. Children in the Quran (cont.) • The following anecdote demonstrates the rights of children: • One day a man came to Umaribn al-Khattab to complain of disobedient son. So Umar had brought the boy to him and he blamed him for his disobedience. Then the boy addressed Umar by saying "O Commander of the faithful: Are there no rights for boy against his father?". Umar said "yes". Then the boy said "What are these rights O Commander of the Faithful?" Umar said, "To choose a good mother for him, to select good name to him and to teach him the Quran" Then the boy said: "O Commander of the faithful; my father has not accomplished any of these rights. As for my mother, she was a black slave for a Magian; As for my name, he has named me Jual (beetle); and he has not taught me even one letter from the Quran". Then Umar turned round to the man and said "you came to me complaining disobedience on the part of your son, whereas you have not given him his rights. So you have made mistakes against him before he has made mistakes against you".

31. Children and Adoptees • By a verse in the Qur'an, Muhammad instructed adoptive parents to refer to their adoptive children by the names of their biological parents, if known: ... Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful. (Qur'an 33:4-5) • Islamic adoption is termed kafala, originating from a word meaning "to feed." In essence, it describes more of a foster-parent relationship. Some other Islamic customs surrounding this relationship are: • An adopted child inherits from his or her biological parents, not automatically from the adoptive parents. • When the child is grown, members of the adoptive family are not considered blood relatives, and are therefore not muhrim to him or her. "Muhrim" refers to a specific legal relationship that regulates marriage and other aspects of life. Essentially, members of the adoptive family would be permissible as possible marriage partners, and rules of modesty exist between the grown child and adoptive family members of the opposite sex. • If the child is provided with property/wealth from the biological family, adoptive parents are commanded to take care and not intermingle that property/wealth with their own. They serve merely as trustees.

32. Rights of Parents in Islam • Parents are to be obeyed and respected by their children. • The Prophet said thrice, "Should I inform you out the greatest of the great sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Apostle!" He said, "To join others in worship with Allah and to be undutiful to one's parents." The Prophet then sat up after he had been reclining (on a pillow) and said, "And I warn you against giving a false witness", and he kept on saying that warning till we thought he would not stop. • The mother has the right to receive the best treatment than accorded to any other person, in addition the mother has the right of custody of the child in general circumstances. • A man came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father.”

33. Rights of Parents in Islam (cont.) • Parents have the right to spank those of their children above the age of ten years who neglect in performing Islamic prayers in Sunni Islam. • Regarding those who would spank children a fatwa of the Mufti Kafaayatullah provides as follows: ‘Excluding the face and sensitive parts of the body, it is allowed to beat a child for the purposes of discipline so long as the limits are not transgressed. i.e. to beat the child in a manner that a wound is inflicted, or a bone fractured or broken, or a bruise appears or an internal disorder results (to the heart or brains, etc.). If the limits are transgressed as described above in any way, even by a single stroke, such a person will be regarded as sinful.’ • Parents have the right to rebuke their children to protect them from physical or moral harm. • Parents have the right to be looked after by their children, and to receive physical or financial help as necessary, especially in their old age.

34. Respect for Parents • The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Quran eleven times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognize and to appreciate the care and love they have received from their parents. • "We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents."  [Quran 29:8 and 46:15] • "And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel, (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents..." [Quran 2:83] • In Surah Al-Nisaa' (The Women) Allah emphasizes again that children should be kind to their parents: "And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents... " [Quran 4:36] • The same directive is repeated again In Surah Al An'Am (The Cattle), where Allah says: "Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord has made a sacred duty for you; that you ascribe nothing as partner unto Him and that you do good to parents..." [Quran 6:151]

35. Respect for Parents (cont.) • Islam teaches us that respect for parents comes immediately after praying to Allah and before Jihad (struggle and striving in the way of Allah). • The Prophet said the following: • Narrated by Abi Abder Rahman Abdullah bin Massoud (May Allah be pleased with him) saying: I asked the Prophet , "which deed is more liked by Allah?" He replied, "Prayers on time." Then I asked, "Which one is next?" He said, "Goodness to parents." Then I asked, "Then which one is next?" He said, "Jihad in the way of Allah." (Agreed) • In Islam, respect for parents is so great that the child and his wealth are considered to be the property of the parents. The Prophet said: • Narrated by Aisha that a person came to the Prophet to resolve his dispute with his father regarding a loan given to the father. The Prophet said to the person, "You and your wealth are to your father."

36. Respect for Parents (cont.) Children should honor their parents even after they have passed away. Quran teaches us to: • Make daily Du'a (prayer) for them • Give a charity on their behalf • Institute a perpetual charity on their behalf - such as a Masjid, an Islamic Center, an Islamic Library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, a senior citizen's home, etc. • Perform Hajj on their behalf or ask someone to do so. • Read Quran on their behalf • Distribute Islamic Literature on their behalf

37. Fathers • Marriage is ordained and adultery is forbidden so that paternity may be established without doubt or ambiguity. • Through marriage a woman is reserved for one man; it is haram for her to be unfaithful to him or to let anyone else have access to what belongs exclusively to him. Thus, every child born to her in wedlock will be her husband's child. • "The child is attributed to the one on whose bed it is born," (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim. Literally: "The child belongs to the bed.") declared the Prophet of Islam (peace be on him).

38. Fathers • If a man is convinced or strongly suspects, although without having proof, that his wife has had sexual relations with another man and is carrying his child, he can take the case to a Muslim judge (qadi). • According to Surah al-Nur: As for those who accuse their wives but have no witnesses except themselves, the testimony of one of them shall consist of bearing witness by Allah four times that he is of the truthful, and a fifth (time) that the curse of Allah be upon him if he is one of those who lie. And it shall avert the punishment from her if she bear witness by Allah four times that he is indeed of those who lie, and a fifth (time) that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he is among the truthful. (24:6-9) • After this the two shall be separated permanently, and the child shall be identified by the name of his or her mother.

39. Fathers • Nor has He made your adopted sons your (real) sons; that is simply a saying of your mouths. But Allah speaks the truth, and He guides you to the (right way). Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is more just in the sight of Allah. But if you do not know their fathers, they are your brothers-in-faith and your wards....(33:4-5) • Islam abolished all the effects of this system of adoption which relate to inheritance and to prohibition of marriage to the widowed or divorced wife of the adopted son. In matters of inheritance, the Qur'an does not recognize any claim except those based on relationship through blood and marriage: ...But blood relatives are nearer to each other in the ordinance of Allah....(8:75)

40. Fathers • With regard to marriage, The Qur'an declared that only the wives of one's real sons, "the wives of your sons who are from your (own) loins" (4:23), not the wives of the adopted sons, are permanently forbidden in marriage. Accordingly, it is permissible for a man to marry the divorced wife of his adopted son, since she has been, in actuality, the wife of a "stranger" not related by blood.

41. Fathers • "I, and the one who raises an orphan, will be like these two in the Garden” (Hadith) • Quran encourages us to treat orphans like our own children – feed, educate, protect, and love them • If a man has no children of his own, and he wishes to benefit such a child from his wealth, he may give him whatever he wants during his lifetime and may also bequeath to him up to one-third of his inheritance before his death.

42. Fathers • Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas narrated that the Prophet (peace be on him) said, If someone claims a person as his father with the knowledge that he is not his father, the Garden will be forbidden to him. (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)

43. Fathers • Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you. (Reported by Abu Daoud) "Fear Allah and treat your children with equal justice." (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.) • Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal said that preferential treatment of a child is permitted if he or she is handicapped while others are not. (a handicap, blindness, his or her being from a large family, being engaged in studies, etc.) • It is also permitted to withhold from a child who would spend what he is given on sinful or wicked things.

44. Fathers and Mothers • Pleasing one's parents is considered so important in Islam that the son is forbidden to volunteer for jihad without his parent's permission • According to Hadith: • A man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and said, 'I have come to swear allegiance to you for hijrah, and I have left my parents weeping.' The Prophet (peace be on him) said to him, 'Return to them and make them laugh as you made them weep.' (Reported by al-Bukhari and others.)

45. The End!Questions/ Comments???