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Listening…

Listening…. …to understand, to love, to influence, to be influenced & to be heard. Listening. Exercise 1 - How well do you listen?. Listening. Introduction God, who knows everything, asks questions, invites us to talk & ask for things. Why?

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Listening…

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  1. Listening… …to understand, to love, to influence, to be influenced & to be heard

  2. Listening Exercise 1 - How well do you listen?

  3. Listening • Introduction • God, who knows everything, asks questions, invites us to talk & ask for things. Why? • We, who know very little, need to ask for additional reasons • The unity we desire is fostered – in part through listening. • Conflict is best addressed by listening

  4. Listening • The importance of humility • Flesh problems require humility • Brain problems require humility • Selective attention • Memory formation & recall • Projection • Logic/Empathy switching • Decisions are emotional

  5. Listening • Getting to intimacy • Understanding the person

  6. Biology Genetics Development personality predilections

  7. Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss Biology Genetics Development personality predilections

  8. Spirituality Fallen Satan Redemption Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss Biology Genetics Development personality predilections

  9. Spirituality Fallen Satan Redemption Core Beliefs Core Desires Core Strategies Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss Biology Genetics Development personality predilections

  10. Intimacy is… Saying what’s experienced Saying what’s felt Saying what’s being thought Saying what’s wanted Saying what you’ve done Core beliefs, desires & strategies drive much of what goes on in our inner life

  11. Listening Exercise 2 – mapping the inner life (Johari Window, Understanding Beliefs & Desires)

  12. Listening • Turning toward them • Notice out loud & ask them to interpret OR • Let them have their turn first • Reflect & summarize • Validate (leaning out on the rail w/ them)

  13. Exercise 3 – taking turns listening with your body Exercise 4 – taking turns reflecting & validating

  14. Listening • Getting around their bad habits

  15. Intimacy is saying what I… Experience Feel Think Want Did But what’s presented is… interpretation blame insisting entitlement justification

  16. Listening • Getting around their bad habits • When they interpret (mind read) • When they blame you for their feelings • When they insist their thoughts = reality • When they feel entitled to their wants • When they justify their behaviors • Other offensive/defensive habits

  17. Listening Be offensive/defensive Exercise 5 working around their bad habits (and yours)

  18. Listening • The importance of personal humility • Getting to intimacy • Turning toward them • Working around their bad habits Q & A

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