1 / 19

Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children

Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children. John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D. University of Montana, Department of Counselor Education johnsommersflanagan.com. Opening Thoughts. Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth

dillon-prince
Download Presentation

Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children

An Image/Link below is provided (as is) to download presentation Download Policy: Content on the Website is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use and may not be sold / licensed / shared on other websites without getting consent from its author. Content is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use only. Download presentation by click this link. While downloading, if for some reason you are not able to download a presentation, the publisher may have deleted the file from their server. During download, if you can't get a presentation, the file might be deleted by the publisher.

E N D

Presentation Transcript

  1. Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D.University of Montana, Department of Counselor Educationjohnsommersflanagan.com

  2. Opening Thoughts • Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth • My favorite survey • Why you’re here • Why I’m here • The Plan

  3. Because Children are the FutureParents are our Focus

  4. The Plan • Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development • Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children • Offer closing thoughts

  5. Foundations of Child and Adolescent Brain Development • Use more words • Use blocks and other manipulatives • Have less screen time • Make emotional connections • Touch in gentle and soothing ways • Expose your children to music – and dancing • Engage with books and reading • Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then show empathy • When your child/teen is obnoxious and nasty, the answer is always “No.”

  6. Understanding the Parent Influence Model • What parents want • Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives . . . So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)

  7. Approaches to Power/Influence • Direct Power • Indirect Power • Problem-Solving Power • Relationship Power

  8. Direct Power • Grandma’s Rule • If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules – ex: curfew and communication) • Passionate Praise • Boring Punishment • Use your voice! (you can even whisper)

  9. Direct Power Discussion

  10. Indirect Power • Modeling • Encouragement • Character feedback • Wagers • Give choices

  11. Indirect Power Discussion

  12. Problem-Solving Power • Solution talk: How did you manage . . . ? • Behavioral alternatives • What has worked before? • The 4 questions of choice theory • What do you want? What are you doing? Is it working? Should you make a new plan? • Mutual problem-solving

  13. Discussing Problem-Solving Power

  14. Relationship Power • Use recreation and play • Use special time • Ask for a favor or I.O.U. • Guilt (I’m disappointed) • Everyday connection (“I love you”)

  15. Discussing Relationship Power

  16. Everyday Connection

  17. Concluding Comments • What will you remember? • What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?

  18. For Free Parenting Tip Sheets and Homework Assignments go to: • http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118012968,descCd-DOWNLOAD.html • To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com

  19. The Families First Website • http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/ • http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/parenting/John%20Sommers-Flanagan%20Tip%20Sheets.html

More Related