The ParenT Trap

1. The ParenT Trap Navigating the First Semester at St. Norbert College Chris Betcher, Alumni & Parent Relations Corday Goddard, Student Development

2. Rumor Control … Chris Betcher Assistant Director for Regional Communities Alumni and Parent Relations

3. The Truth Is … Corday Goddard, Associate Dean for Student Development

4. The Parent Trap

5. PushMe ………………………........PullYou

6. At the end of the day …. • We all want the same thing for your student: • They consistently find themselves in environments where they can be successful • They learn as much outside the classroom as they’re learning inside the classroom • They learn to see “bumps in the road” as opportunities to learn and grow

7. This Morning . . . • “Car Talk” • The First-Year “W” • Helpful vs. Hovering • Parent Quiz • Sharing Our Stories

8. The Hope & Scope of the First Year Summer Orientation May 2015

9. Hope & Scope: The “W” Early February Late August May 2015 Mid-October Mid-March

10. “HELICOPTER” PARENTS

11. “Helicopter,” Explained • Told to Be Involved for 12+ Years • Connected 24/7/365 • Economic Investment • How will SNC treat my child? • Intervening Has Worked • “My parents are my best friends” • Boomers, Gen X, & Millenials • Ozzy Says …

12. But Wait, There’s More … • Lawnmower • Bulldozer • Blackhawk • Blue Angel • Stealth • Stroller • In-Denial • Lion • Over-Involved • Wolf • Mosquito • “The Happiest Kid on Campus,” Cohen, 2010

13. Hovering? Helping?

14. Are YOU a Helicopter Parent?* Answer: “I’M not . . . But I know someone ELSE who is . . . & it’s the ROOMMATE’S PARENTS!” * Adapted from “The Fine Art of Letting Go,” Newsweek, May 22, 2006

15. The Helicopter Quiz Will You Be a Helicopter Parent?

16. 1. How often will you communicate with your student? • Weekly, at a Designated Time • Two or Three Times a Week • At Least Daily • Do Facebook Status Updates Every 90 Seconds Count?

17. 2. How Many Professors Do You Plan to Contact on Your Student’s Behalf? • None • One or Two • Three • How Many Are There?

18. 3. My Student Athlete Isn’t Getting Enough Playing Time. I Will . . . • Pat my student on the back for hanging in there • Tell my student to talk to the coach • Notify ESPN • Smear the coach on Twitter (#coachclueless!)

19. 4. Your Student is Having Trouble Writing a Paper, so . . . • You listen and sympathize • You suggest a visit with the professor and/or Writing Center • You read what’s been written so far and give constructive suggestions • You download a copy of a similar paper for them to submit as their own

20. 5. When Visiting, How Much Do You Plan to Help? • “Meet me on the sidewalk!” Say “Yes” to the Mess! • You take out the trash & fumigate with Febreeze • Vacuum, laundry, windows, light painting • Full maid services, mints on the pillow, turn-down service, a soft lullaby, and a good-night kiss

21. 6. Your student hates their roommate. What do you do? • Remind them of all the other times they’ve successfully solved problems before • Encourage her/him talk to the RA or Hall Director for coaching • Storm the Housing Office to find out what the Senior Director is going to do about this • Call the roommate’s parents – those HELICOPTER PARENTS! – and tell them what’s what!

22. 7. Your student violates a minor conduct policy. You . . . • Discuss the notion of “choices and consequences” again • Show up at your student’s room unannounced • “Dear Editor, St. Norbert Times …” • Call Anderson Cooper asap!

23. 8. On move-in day, I will leave … A. One hour before the first scheduled student activity B. Right after I make sure my student gets a healthy dinner in Michels Commons C. October-ish? D. There’s a really cute little house for sale right next to the Library!

24. How’d You Do? All A’s: Parents’ Hall of Fame! Mostly A’s: Honor Roll Mostly B’s: You’re Doing Well Mostly C’s: May be time to re-think your college habits Mostly D’s: Helicopter Parents are People, Too! or Call Corday or Chris or re-read “the list:”

25. Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make • Using the cell phone to provide wake up calls • Asking for copies of syllabi to provide reminders about due dates. • Expecting to hear from their child every day (and calling the college in a panic if they don’t.) • The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

26. Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make • Responding to a child’s complaint about a professor … by contacting the professor. • Using their child’s e-mail to register their child for classes & other college business. • Editing college papers and assignments by email. • The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

27. Blunders Well-Meaning Parents Make • Becoming overly involved in the ups and downs of a child’s social/romantic life. • Reading a child’s Facebook site constantly and asking personal questions. • Getting involved in ordinaryroommate conflictsby contacting the roommate, the roommate’s parents, resident adviser, etc.The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up(Free Press), Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore

28. Part 2: Sharing Our Stories Chris BetcherAssistant Director for Regional CommunitiesAlumni & Parent Relations

29. Part 3: Making Connections • What questions do you have? • What do you need from us?

30. Resources Campus Resources • http://www.snc.edu/parents/ • http://www.snc.edu/parents/uknighted/ • http://www.snc.edu/sncday • http://www.snc.edu/msa/ • http://www.snc.edu/housing/ Other Resources • The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up • http://www.nakedroommate.com/profiles/blog/list?tag=parents&user=3p0cszdkljo9f • http://www.collegeparents.org/college-parent-central • http://www2.ed.gov/parents/landing.jhtml • Chris Betcher, Alumni & Parent Relations, 403-3021 • Corday Goddard, Student Development, 403-1351