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Adding Details to Personal Narratives

Adding Details to Personal Narratives. aka SHOW don ’ t TELL. Things to Remember:.

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Adding Details to Personal Narratives

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  1. Adding Details to Personal Narratives aka SHOW don’t TELL

  2. Things to Remember: Tell something that happened to you and your feelings about it.Give your audience vivid descriptions to make them feel like they’re part of the story. Let your voice shine through as though you’re having a conversation with the reader. Remember: this is an informal story written in the first person!

  3. SIGHT HEARING SMELL TASTE TOUCH The best way to “show don’t tell”… … appeal to your audience’s FIVE SENSES.

  4. EXAMPLE 1: INSTEAD TRY: “The sting of the hard packed ice against my cheek instantly brought tears to my eyes. As I flinched away, the ice proved too much for me to keep my balance and my legs slid out from under me. The sickening thud of my body hitting the ground was fodder for the vicious crowd. Everyone cackled mercilessly as I struggled to get back on my feet.” Don’t just say that you felt the snowball hit your head before you fell down and heard everyone laugh.

  5. EXAMPLE 2:This tells the reader… I was really nervous. She called on me to answer the question. I didn’t know the answer. She stood right by me, and I started to cry. She told me I won the “Doorknob of the day award.” This happened right in front of the whole class.

  6. Look at the ordinary verbs in this example: Iwasreally nervous. She calledon me to answer the question. I didn’t knowthe answer. She stood right by me, and I started to cry. She told me I won the “Doorknob of the day award.” Thishappenedright in front of the whole class.

  7. I’m bored.

  8. This shows the reader: Do you know the answer? My heart stopped each time she paused before calling on her next victim. I knew I didn’t understand how to do the algebra problems; I just didn’t want her to know. Then I heard my name and every nerve in my body froze. I couldn’t do anything except look down at the paper. “WELL?” I heard her screech as she loomed over me. I could not speak. I heard someone mumble disgustedly, “Geez, this was easy!” That’s when the tears began to blur my eyesight and I willed them not to fall onto my paper. She didn’t notice my tears, and she wouldn’t have cared anyway. She just clicked away on those high heels of hers saying, “Well, I guess you win the ‘Doorknob of the Day award!’” I got off easy since she was capable of cruelty far beyond that.

  9. MUCH BETTER!

  10. My heart stopped each time she paused before calling on her next victim. I knew I didn’t understand how to do the algebra problems; I just didn’t want her to know. Then I heard my name and every nerve in my body froze. I couldn’t do anything except look down at the paper. “WELL?” I heard her screech as she loomed over me. I could not speak. I heard someone mumble disgustedly, “Geez, this was easy!” That’s when the tears began to blur my eyesight and I willed them not to fall onto my paper. She didn’t notice my tears, and she wouldn’t have cared anyway. She just clicked away on those high heels of hers saying, “Well, I guess you win the ‘Doorknob of the Day award!’”I got off easy since she was capable of cruelty far beyond that. Now you can actually interpret the text… The student is afraid of this teacher. The student already feels embarrassed that (s)he does not understand the math. The teacher is not a compassionate person.

  11. Now you try! Can you make this statement more interesting? The house was run down and dirty. How about this… The flowers in the front garden were long dead. The grass was knee-high and paint was flaking from the window frames. As Sarah pushed open the front door, a rotten smell hit her. There were patches of damp mold creeping up the walls. The floorboards were uneven, and they creaked when she stepped on them.

  12. And Remember!

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