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Understanding Grief & Loss

Understanding Grief & Loss. Emily Allaire , LMSW Grief Counselor P| 319-272-2002 eallaire@cvhospice.org. Our personal experiences shape our understanding . What do I know about grief? What have my own experiences with grief been? What have I learned?. Grief vs Mourning.

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Understanding Grief & Loss

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  1. Understanding Grief & Loss Emily Allaire, LMSW Grief Counselor P| 319-272-2002 eallaire@cvhospice.org

  2. Our personal experiences shape our understanding • What do I know about grief? • What have my own experiences with grief been? • What have I learned?

  3. Grief vs Mourning • Grief: Internal thoughts and feelings • Mourning: Outward expression of grief

  4. Worden’s Tasks of Mourning 1) Accept the reality of the loss 2) Process the pain and grief 3) Adjust to life without the deceased 4) Maintain a connection to deceased while exploring a new life

  5. Symptoms of grief • Physical • Sleep disturbance • Shortness of breath • Tightness in throat • Physical distress • Weight change • Emotional • Sadness • Anger • Guilt • Anxiety • Loneliness • Behavioral • Forgetfulness • Searching for deceased • Wandering aimlessly • Worrying more about others, wanting to make them feel comfortable • Needing to retell the story of the loved one’s death • “Suicidal” talk

  6. Disenfranchised grief “Unspeakable” deaths Suicide/Homicide Sudden Pet loss AIDS

  7. Traumatic deaths • Grief is different • Painful • Struggle to help • Struggle to understand

  8. Calendar dates • Holidays • Birthdays • Anniversaries • Date of death • Tuesday

  9. Healing vs Curing • Grief is ongoing • Processing • Nothing to “get over” • Must move through • Avoiding prolongs the process

  10. What NOT to say • I understand • I know • You will survive • He/She is better off • Why are you still sad? • It’s been a year • At least you have another child • How can I help? • What do you need? • You need counseling • Get over it • Have you started dating? • At least you’re young • This will pass • Everything happens for a reason

  11. How to be supportive SAY • I care • Tell me about him/her • What’s your favorite memory? • You are in my thoughts • Want to do lunch? • It’s ok to cry • How are you doing today/right now? DO • Listen • Practice patience • Acknowledge dates • Acknowledge deceased • Bring over a meal • Share memories • Accept “no” for an answer

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