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Understanding Grief & Loss. Emily Allaire , LMSW Grief Counselor P| 319-272-2002 eallaire@cvhospice.org. Our personal experiences shape our understanding . What do I know about grief? What have my own experiences with grief been? What have I learned?. Grief vs Mourning.
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Understanding Grief & Loss Emily Allaire, LMSW Grief Counselor P| 319-272-2002 eallaire@cvhospice.org
Our personal experiences shape our understanding • What do I know about grief? • What have my own experiences with grief been? • What have I learned?
Grief vs Mourning • Grief: Internal thoughts and feelings • Mourning: Outward expression of grief
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning 1) Accept the reality of the loss 2) Process the pain and grief 3) Adjust to life without the deceased 4) Maintain a connection to deceased while exploring a new life
Symptoms of grief • Physical • Sleep disturbance • Shortness of breath • Tightness in throat • Physical distress • Weight change • Emotional • Sadness • Anger • Guilt • Anxiety • Loneliness • Behavioral • Forgetfulness • Searching for deceased • Wandering aimlessly • Worrying more about others, wanting to make them feel comfortable • Needing to retell the story of the loved one’s death • “Suicidal” talk
Disenfranchised grief “Unspeakable” deaths Suicide/Homicide Sudden Pet loss AIDS
Traumatic deaths • Grief is different • Painful • Struggle to help • Struggle to understand
Calendar dates • Holidays • Birthdays • Anniversaries • Date of death • Tuesday
Healing vs Curing • Grief is ongoing • Processing • Nothing to “get over” • Must move through • Avoiding prolongs the process
What NOT to say • I understand • I know • You will survive • He/She is better off • Why are you still sad? • It’s been a year • At least you have another child • How can I help? • What do you need? • You need counseling • Get over it • Have you started dating? • At least you’re young • This will pass • Everything happens for a reason
How to be supportive SAY • I care • Tell me about him/her • What’s your favorite memory? • You are in my thoughts • Want to do lunch? • It’s ok to cry • How are you doing today/right now? DO • Listen • Practice patience • Acknowledge dates • Acknowledge deceased • Bring over a meal • Share memories • Accept “no” for an answer