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Marriage Today…. 54% of individuals over age of 15 are married 27% have never married 18% are divorced, separated or widowed Delaying marriage until older. U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2004. The Benefits of Marriage. Healthier lifestyle Longer life More satisfying sexual relationship
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Marriage Today… • 54% of individuals over age of 15 are married • 27% have never married • 18% are divorced, separated or widowed • Delaying marriage until older U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2004
The Benefits of Marriage • Healthier lifestyle • Longer life • More satisfying sexual relationship • Children do better Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Waite, 1998
Marital Trends • Marriage rate declining • Increase number of people who divorce not remarrying • Number of cohabitating couples rising
Components of a Successful Marriage • Independent and mature partners • Love self as well as partner • Enjoy alone time • Establish self in career/work first • Partners know themselves • Assertive communication patterns • Law of enlightened self interest
Marriage Preparation • Rising interest in preparing for marriage • Premarital programs: • Often clergy led • Limited depth • 1-2 sessions common • Workshop, retreat, or small group common formats
Premarital Programs Effective programs: • Utilize a premarital inventory • Focus on communication and problem solving skills • Occur in small group format with other couples • Begin 12 months prior to marriage—lasting 6-8 weeks
The Transition to Marriage First-year problems faced by newlyweds (in order of importance) • Debt brought into marriage • Balancing job and marriage • Frequency of sexual relations • Expectation about household tasks • In-laws • Financial decision making • Communication Schramm et al., 2005
Five Types of Marriage • Vitalized • Harmonious • Traditional • Conflicted • Devitalized Olson & Olson, 2000; Allen & Olson, 2001
“Marriage Work” • Marriages require work • Couple time can get lost in midst of family time: • Limit family outside activities • Schedule couple time and activities • View marriage as an investment for self and family
Two Important Roles • Sacrifice • One puts partner’s needs first • Partner puts relationship above selfish interests • Forgiveness • Needs to be part of conflict resolution • Decreases negativity and increases positive feelings and goodwill
Love Life for Every Married Couple • Dr. Ed Wheat, The Five ways of love • Epithumia: strong desire of any kind • Eros: Yearning and desire. Romantic, passionate and sentimental. • Storge: Comfortable old-shoe relationship. Natural affection and sense of belonging • Phileo: Cherishes and tender affection for the beloved but expecting a response • Agape: A love of action, not emotion. Focuses on what you do and say, rather than how you feel