The biased helper: The trek toward insight

1. The biased helper: The trek toward insight Paula Heller-Garland, MS, LCDC 214.629.5383 www.paulahellergarland.com

2. The Biased Helper? Outline of workshop: Disclaimer This title Poll for willingness Our Beliefs My story Lessons learned

3. Disclaimer • This information comes from The Book of Paula or BOP

4. This Title • The biased helper? • That is a question • That is a reality • That is not necessarily bad • That is not permanent

5. Poll for Willingness • Are you willing to explore the topic? • Maybe, what does biased helper mean? • Allowing judgments of others to impede your full ability of service • Allowing your judgment of self to control your full ability to serve • Willingness to explore this topic would mean you are willing to look at self • You can do that without even nodding your head • If a thought or emotion is uncomfortable, just ask yourself your reason • Are you willing to keep yourself open • Head • Heart

6. Our Beliefs & Values • Beliefs: An individual holds a proposition or premise to be true (Webster) • Value: Of merit, of importance (Webster) • Pet Peeves: Stuff that ticks us off (BOP)

7. Our Beliefs & Values • Our history is speaking to today. Examine what it is saying. (Rollo May)

8. Our Beliefs & Values • Helping professionals “should”

9. Our Beliefs & Values Red Apples Green Apples

10. Our Beliefs & Values • Yellow Apples

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29. Why does this matter? • What is the reason to look at our beliefs?

30. Our Beliefs & Values • Based on our experience • Someone different than us is not a failed attempt of us • Do you attempt to make clients into your image? • Do you hold your colleagues to your standards? • Sans ethics

31. My Story • My story might better explain the “why” of this topic……

32. My Story • Not the Bio

33. Here is the parallel story • December 2007 (JDG) • January 2008 (Big C) • January 2008 (Local / State TAAP) • March 2008 (JOB) • March 2008 (Sale of Biz) • August 2008 (JOB) • August 2008 (Son)

34. Here is the parallel story • March 2009 (House) • August 2009 (MS) • August 2009 (NAADAC) • October 5, 2009 (Oh No!) • October 23, 2009 (Dr.) • October 25, 2009 (Accident)

35. Here is the parallel story • November 10, 2009 (Mom) • November 13, 2009 (Mom) • November 16, 2009 (AAR) • November 17, 2009 (Whew)

36. Why Am I Telling You This Story? • Secret vs. Private

37. Around the field • December 24, 2010 • The days that followed

38. If That is True, Why ? • Why do we continue to judge our clients? • Why do we continue to judge our peers? • Why do we continue to attempt to recreate what is comfortable?

39. My focus • Not specifically on how it impacts our ability to practice with our clients

40. Real Focus • How this impacts our ability to support other helping professionals • LCDC’s now have peer assistance…….but….

41. REBT • Simple Albert Ellis REBT Concepts might apply? • Something Happens • You have a belief about it • You have an emotional reaction

42. REBT • Main “Musts” • I “must” do well and win the approval of others for my performance or else I am no good • Other people “must” treat me considerately, fairly, and kindly, and in exactly the same way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and and deserve to be condemned and punished • I “must” get what I want, when I want it; and I “must” not get what I don’t want. It’s terrible if I don’t get what I want, and I can’t stand it

43. Lessons Learned • Every helper is human • Many do not accept that • Every helper is valuable • Many do not accept that • Every helper has emotion • Many do not accept that • Every helper needs help • Many do not accept that • Every helper has personal beliefs, values, judgments • Many allow those to guide their practice • Many allow those to guide their actions toward peers

44. Even “we” must work…. • Key word is “conscious” • What is consciousness? • Where do we begin?

45. At the beginning….. • Our history • We cannot change our history • But it is important to know?

46. Our Foundation Contributes to Today? • Genetic Predisposition • Why do we examine? • What do we examine?

47. Our Foundation Contributes to Today? • What about the learned behaviors/influence? • BOP….Our history nearly completely explains our present…..

48. Our Foundation Contributes to Today? • Logistics • The Who? • The Where? • The When? • The How?

49. Our Foundation Contributes to Today? • Legal • Employment • Education • Social • Leisure • Spirituality

50. Our Foundation Contributes to Today? • Emotional • FoO issues and our communication